i honestly feel like life is like a sprial for me lately..i went from living in a complete hell, to a wonderful happy life, to kinda lonely but optimistic life. my boyfriend is a recovering addict, he's only known he's had a problem for like a year. his parents are full partiers, his friends, his whole family too. when i was pregnant it was the happiest time of my life i felt soo close to him, and it just seemed life was going to turn out good for me.and then he fell in and our bond was broken. he ended up getting an ego and breaking my trust, becoming verbally abusive, and just cold to my feelings.. he ended up taking a big fall and landed in jail and finaly he stoped taking me for granite i had hope again.. he was sober for about 2 months, and then he started going around the same friends that messed him up in the first place and here i am today..i've tried to just stay strong and focus on my son. my baby makes me feel like i am super woman and even though things have been hard, they seem like nothing because i have him.I don't know what to do anymore i've been waiting 2 1/2 years for things to go back to "normal" to be happy again. when he's clean he's everything i could ever ask for. but when he isn't i just feel lonely and rejected almost like it's my fault. i want soo badly for him to be happy he isn't like this. and the thing that fustrates me is i have put my life on hold to help him get his back, i honestly just sit in my house and wait for him to get home from work. i dont see my friends or work, i'm actualy scared becuase when i was out living my life i was to busy to see that he was getting sick. and my biggest fear is to start working or see my friends and not be able to notice if he's out of control again till it's too late.my dating history is horrible i've always gone for th wrong guy ..i just don't know how long i can wait it's been soo long.. i know he loves me, but i don't know my worth to him,i seem diposible..he can get up and leave whenever cause he knows i won't go any where.. yea he does take me for granite.. i don't know what to do..should i beg him to do counseling..even though i have a hundred times and he won't or just give up?? we have a family together, we have a life together, were pretty much married we've lived together almost 5yrs, we rush home to see each other from work..but he doesnt ask about my feelings anymore. doesn't want to do dates, or have couple talks or be affectionate.or give me suport when i need it. it seems like hes has no faults but if i have any he cant deal with them.i have no emotional support at all, if i'm crying or upset he doesn't notice.if i dress up he doesn't notice, if i need something in the relationship and try to tell him he ignores my needs or says i'm bitching, he'll go have a good time with anyone else except for me i'm like boring or something..and our booty life is horrible i look exactly the same as i did before the baby even better, i wonder if when he did go on his ego kick he might of tooken it too far..thing is he's with me now 24/7 not working just home so theres no way hes cheating on me, i think maybe he doesnt love me anymore..i just feel mad alone almost kinda rejected i want to make this work, i want my son to be happy.. to have a good life. i love him with all my heart, and yea i know you're all complete strangers and this is alot of info, but i'm young i've never dealt with anything this serious. help me is there any advice you can give me to fix this or get it in the right direction or is this hopeless and it's always going to be this way.. |
