Hi Everyone,

I am new to the group.  I have been on maternity since I had my son in December and I am going back to work April 4th.  Everyday, I am dreading going back to work because I do not want to leave my son!  I love him more than anything and do not want to miss out on anything in his life.  I wanted to join a support group to see how other mothers are handling or have handled going back to work.

Hi, Kim. I understand completely how you feel. My daughter is 18 months old and has been in daycare since the age of 2 months, because I had to go back to work. None of us goes to work because we think it is more important than being together with our children, it is because we must do it, and most likely it is because we need the money to provide food, shelter and good schools for our children). 

When I first went back to work, I missed my daughter terribly, but in time we both got adjusted to the routine. Now I see that she is very social and likes her friends at the daycare so much that she gives each one a big hug when I come to get her in the afternoon.

I have a few suggestions :

Try to find person or a place where you feel comfortable leaving your son, although at first none of them will seem adequate, just because it is your child you are leaving there for the first time.

Let the daycare be close to your work, so you can go there during lunch break, or they can bring your son to you (if babysitter). If you are breastfeeding /pumping this could be even more helpful.

Try to arrange for flexible work hours or find a reasonable employer - just in case you get overwhelmed or whatever may come your way. When (if) your son gets sick, it will be the hardest to leave him, and some employers can be terrible about you taking sick time.

You will miss out a bit, but - there are mornings and evenings and weekends to spend together and enjoy each other.

Remember that you are always number one person in your son's life. Nothing can break that special connection.

Best of luck.

Hi Kim,

Have you considered working from home?  I do marketing for a wellness company from my home.  We do not sell or stock products we just market for the company.  Many of the people in our company are people just like you that want to stay home with their children.  If you are interested send me an email at teen@sbcglobal.net and I will contact you.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Phyllis

Hi Kim,

My name is Kim as well (not the OP).  I can hear your agony through your message.  I understand what you are going through.  I was home for the first 5 months with my daughter, all the while knowing I was heading back to work.  I am the breadwinner so I had no choice. My husband works part time so he stayed home with her and my mother-in-law watched her the other days, so it that made it easier than taking her to daycare, but still leaving her to go back was the hardest thing I ever had to do. 

Advice for you that someone gave me- if you trust a person enough to allow them to watch your child then you have to let the little things go or they will drive you insane.  By this I mean, not everyone will sing the songs to your baby that you do, not everyone will hold him the same way, they may not feed him at the exact right times, etc.  You have to let the little stuff go or it will eat at you even more that you are not there. 

Others have told me not to worry because the routine gets "easier", and as of today I've been back to work for 2 and a half years since I was off with my daughter, and maybe the leaving does become "routine" (which routines are good for kids) but for me it has never gotten easier.  I still hate to leave her as much as I ever did.  And now she's talking and playing with Barbie dolls.  Just today she had one Barbie say to the other Barbie "My mom's at work.  It's okay, it's just a mistake." 

My husband is finishing school in June and I am planning on making some changes here shortly. 

You're always going to be your son's mother. If you're in my boat and you really do have to work to support the family then you do what you have to do.  Know that you are doing it because you do love him so much!  You are giving him a home, food, health insurance, clothes, keeping him safe, etc, and you will love him the entire time.  Make the time you do have with him high quality.  And if you would prefer to be a stay-at-home mom talk to your husband (or S.O.) about making a plan with you on how and when that can happen.  Keep the faith, pray and be happy around your little one.  They can pick up on our feelings very easily. 

Kim

Thank you so much for your response Kim.  I actually am a teacher and just put in a request to extend my maternity leave until next school year (September).  But then, my son will be going to daycare.  I really appreciate all you wrote to me and it really made me feel better.  However, the best decision for me right now is to stay at home with my son until September.  Then, I will definitely use a lot of the advice you gave, it was great!  Thanks again!