Alright so I am new to the group and need to vent/express what I have been going through the last couple of weeks! I am a Marine wife and my husband was deployed in the middle of my pregnancy but able to come home to see her born but had to go back. (just a little background for what I am about to write) So I have pretty much been a single mom until a couple of months ago and going back to being a "married" woman has been extremely hard not to mention my 9 month old daughter is constantly changing! I go from mastering one mood to having to master another all while wondering do I clean dishes, do laundry, and straighten up while she is napping to avoid the look I get from my husband when he gets home...Recently I have just felt alone, depressed, worn out, and helpless! Not only is our marriage rocky from the separation but trying to mend it back together while raising a child has been extremely hard! Most times I feel I take my frustration out on her and I know thats not fair and try not to! So it takes extra energy to "check" myself first! :) Just recently I have felt this overwhelming feeling of not doing enough although in the back of my head I know what I am doing is more than enough. So I thought about getting a job but when I started looking I began to cry as the thought of leaving her is heartbreaking so now I am trying to tell myself that I do enough and have plenty to do! Being in a new state and having no friends makes it 10x harder it seems. All in all I have all these emotions, and indecisiveness running through my head and sometimes I would like to crawl in bed and just cry for days! Hopefully I can meet someone on here that I can talk to and just keep me sane! :) Thanks for reading...

Jacki, I'm so sorry you are having to go through all that.  *hugs*.  I was wondering if there is a mom's group on base?  I know a lot of my friends who are in military families get support that way.  Is it possible to sit your husband down and explain to him how you are feeling.  You put it this way, "sometimes, when you get home, I FEEL, that you are disappointed in something.  Can we talk about that?"  When you use the words 'I feel', you are avoiding putting the blame on him, yet you are able to convey your feelings.  No one can tell you you are wrong.  You are the one who knows how you are feeling.  You can check out meetup.com and search for a mom's group.  I hope you find a nice group of supportive women.  In the meantime, post on here.  Most of us have been where you are.

Unfortunately there is no base here! I have tried that but he always says "it's all my fault, I am a horrible father" so now I just avoid saying anything to him that has to do with my feelings! I feel like I am a wreck right now! And when I do get through to him he will tell me "well thats why I help with the dishes and laundry, ect" but then I get mad because what if I want to do the dishes or laundry instead of feed the baby! :) See I have all these strange things going on and can't make my mind up. Sometimes I feel I am here all day and would like a break at dinner to do other things besides get dinner ready for her and play with her! I do that all day and I shouldn't have to ask him either. Well thats how I feel! :) Its just so frustrating and I think the most frustrating part of it all is I feel like I am an unraveling, emotional, roller coaster! 

Meetup.com has groups all over the globe.  You might just find the right group for you.  You might even find a good buddy for your daughter, as well.  

It is ok to tell your husband that your daughter needs some good daddy/baby time together.  And, it's ok to tell him that sometimes you'd prefer to do the chores while he bonds with his little girl.  You can always watch the movie "Marley and Me" and make a comment when Jennifer Aniston's character immediately hands off the baby to Owen Wilson's character.  That could give you a good start to a great discussion.  You are not alone.  All moms that I know, me included, need some time to decompress.  

If the weather is nice where you are, you could try taking your daughter to the park.  Try to go at a busy time and see if you meet any moms with similar interests or kids about the same age as your little one.

I hope things get better for you.  I was a new mom when we moved to a place where I only knew my in-laws.  My MIL was probably getting tired of me calling her everyday, just to talk to an adult, LOL.  But....I did find a mom's group at meetup and they saved me, especially when I was kinda like a single mom when my husband spent day and night working on our house.  I'm here for you, though, if you need to vent.

any relationship that involves one of the partners travelling for extended periods of time is rough!  And i'm sure that the demands of military life make it all that much tougher.  I learned somewhere that for these kinds of relationships to work there has to be an immediate bonding experience each and every time one of the partners returns home.  It could be as easy and spending the first couple of nights together without the baby - is there a family member or somewhere your little one can stay?  Or maybe it's sitting down and coming up with a plan TOGETHER on how to ease back into each other's lives.  (what does it look like specifically - does he want sex, do you want hugs and affection, words of affirmatin?  How much sex would make him happy, how many hugs a day, how many compliments?)  Agree to something very specific and then it's easy to tell when you are both working at the relationship - that understanding of each other goes very far.  It also makes it easy to gently and lovingly call the other person out if they are failing to live up to the agreement.

Let him know what your days are like - let him know that you feel bad when you don't do more around the house!  Let him know what was going on and what caused you to neglect housework for the day.  It is way more important for you to invest in a relationship with your husband and child than to make sure the dishes are done after each meal.  I love staying at home with my child - but I can assure you I am not little miss housewife and hate to clean as much as the next and that's the only excuse i give :)

If the base doesn't have a mom's group for military moms...contact the local churches or ymca or even a nearby neighborhood with an homeowner's association.  there are any number of places to find other moms and connect with people so that you're not alone.  Eventually you'll meet one or two that fit your life!

I feel you Jacki!! I am an Air Force Wife. Though My hubby has not been deployed he works some crazy hours and I am home and with the kids most of the time!!! Somedays I am so overwhelmed and just want to cry!! But recently, well about 4 months ago I became a Beachbody Coach and started working from home!! I am surprised by how much happier I have been! I connect with so many great people!! I LOVE that I found something That I have a passion for! Have you ever thought of working from home?

I have thought about it, well at first I started thinking I wanted a job to help pay some bills but then the thought of leaving my sweet girl made me want to cry! So then I thought about that and actually looked some things up but I have no clue where to start or how to do it! I would love to work from home give me something to do besides sit on the floor all day and be a climbing gym! LOL I try to do some work outs on our Wii but only get so far before she wakes up!

I would be more then happy to give you more info!! No pressure of anything! lol Just if you want to check it out and see what being a coach is all about! ANYONE can do it!! I have thought about selling Avon, Scentsy.. and other home based businesses, but nothing sounded fun or rewarding to me. Being a coach has helped my push harder while working out and helps hold me accountable! Here is my website if you want to check it out:)

http://www.jepardywagner.com

If you click on coach it gives you great info!

Also there is a recorded presentation on

platinumpresenters.com

This tells you everything being a coach entails! :)

Either way I am here anytime you need someone to talk too!

I hope you have a great weekend!

Jepardy

oh and I don't know if you have a facebook but you can look me up there! :) Just search for Jepardy wagner!

Hi Jacki,

I am not a military wife but I do know what it feels like to feel sad, isolated, and alone.  I also had thoughts of returning to the workforce for the first year of my daughter's life (she's now 2).  The transition from being "out in the world" to staring at four walls everyday was a complete shocker to me....not at all what I expected.  When I was pregnant, I had visions of a happy, babbling baby that I could throw in a carrier and take anywhere.  BUT my post partum depression and her colic made the situation a little different.  I just knew I was a horrible mother and that I had made a terrible mistake.  It took me a year to find something that worked for me (which in my case was medication and finding a really good friend on this website - she lives right down the street)! 

Also, I am not a relationship expert but I do know that the secret to any relationship is open communication.  Talk rather than letting things fester (which leaves both of you dreaming up weird things in your heads and creating scenarios that probably don't even exist).  I have no idea what it feels like to have a husband in the military and I know it adds a completely different element to a relationship....relationships are hard enough!!!  However, I do know from experience that getting yourself in a "happier place" will make you better able to handle your child and your relationship with your husband.  Have you tried searching for other moms in your zipcode? 

By the way, I ended up- not going back to work but I think some people do well returning to work.  Some people need to work outside the home.   I did the same thing, though....cried everytime I started researching daycares.