My partner and I have a one year old son. He has a 12 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. He puts his son before everything else! For example: We were talking about Christmas. I told him that we would be spending the same amount on all of the kids. Immediately he starts telling me that his son need this and that, going way beyond what we are anticipating spending on all of the kids combined. Also we found out that he is not coming over for Halloween this year. He is completely depressed and not even concerned that this is our one year olds first real Halloween. I don't want to have to compete with his son. Nor do I want our son to have to compete. Any advice? I have tried to talk to him about this. He gets really defensive and makes a excuses.

Does the 12 year old son live with you? If not my guess is that he feels like he can't be there for his son enough and tries to make up for it with money and gifts. This is especially if his ex has remarried and his son has developed a relationship with the stepdad. If he lives with you I'd imagine that there's some tugging for affection between him and son's mother, and his solution is gifts. Find a way through his defensiveness. Make sure you approach it in a non-accusatory way. Try looking up "I Messages" and use those with him. It puts no pressure or blame on the person to which you are confronting. It's a concise way to state your feelings.

I know my fiance's ex was very threatened by how close I have gotten with her daughter (she's 4.) It's just taken time.

That was great advice Sarah!