I seriously need some help, ladies.  I worked in the corporate world for 13 years prior to the birth of our daughter in December 2009.  Since I had the option of using Child/Newborn Care leave at my job, we decided for me to stay out 'at least six months'.  I had made it very clear prior to getting pregnant that I would much prefer to be a SAHM if I ever had children, so it was no surprise to me that I have LOVED being at home & do not want to return to my job.  Now, here's the problem.  The spouse has been demanding since May'ish that I need to go back to work.  Last week, he told me that he was going to start depositing his paycheck into his old checking account instead of the joint checking & he would pay HIS bills & I could pay mine.  Now, we all know that I don't have an income.  I saved almost $7,000 during the pregnancy, but we all also know that money disappears quicker than double-stuffed oreos during that time of the month.  He has told me that he has no concerns about the impact of daycare on our daughter & told our marriage counselor that he thinks daycare could do 'as good of a job' as I do - that they get paid to do it every day so they 'must be' good.  In reality, his friends are going on vacations & buying new vehicles which we cannot afford to do on one income.  Our daughter is my #1 priority over ANY material possession.  She is a secure, happy, healthy baby.  It doesn't help that our female pediatrician is pro-daycare because that's what she did so she could pursue her career.  He always says, 'even the pediatrician says daycare is fine'.  I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever deal w/ this .. how do you do it?!?  Please help me understand.  Thank you.

First of all, daycare is not the best solution if you actually knew what went on in the daycare. Now, i'm not saying daycares are bad, but they are not the best environment for your child. i worked in daycare...even majored in early childhood education. i have seen some bad teachers and some really good teachers...however...it's not always good. teachers do tend to favor one child over another and no, they don't mistreat them or anything, but the unfavored child is just that...unfavored...

 maybe, even though you are used to a more business like environment, but you could pick a daycare put her there part time and volunteer while she is there and scope it out for sure. but, the way i am if my hubby wants me to work then that is what i have to do.

I really wish I knew how to help other than maybe you should let your hubby read some of the responses that you recieve from this.

Day care can NOT  do as good a job as you can. You are her mother. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a working mom but god put mothers here to raise their children not so someone else could. I have 3 children and I am a stay at home mom. I vowed that I would never put my kids in a daycare at least until they were able to tell me what the heck went on while they were there b/c there are some crazy people in the world today and you can't protect your daughtor if your not there. Parenting is a partnership and your husband should respect the fact that you want to be the one to raise your child. The day care providers don't always have the same morals as you do and neither do the children that she would come in contact with. Maybe you and your husband can come up with a compramise that you will go back to work when your child starts school. You are your childs first teacher and the most important person in her life why change that if you can afford to stay home. Im mu opinion sacrificing the new car of the big screen tv is well worth my child getting the best possible care.

Ouch! I am a speech pathologist (currently not working) and I have been in MANY day cares over the years. I NEVER found a single one (conventional, home-based, church-based) that I would feel comfortable leaving my baby in. Being a stay at home mom is a huge sacrifice, but a huge blessing. I always made consistently more money than my husband, so he has felt a huge ego boost with being able to "provide". I've always been the money police and now he kindof feels a little more "entitled" to his money, but it's nothing like you've described. I occasionally want to go off and tell him to get over himself and remind him that I have always carried my weight financially (and many times carried his weight), but I have to be careful because I benefit from his ego boost. I want him to think I appreciate him, because he's partially invested in this setup because of his ego. Remember that a man has a very fragile ego and he's usually willing to do things that make him feel good and strong. Compliments and thank yous for your husband will go a long way (Even though you won't get any thank you's). What matters most to you is your child and as long as you get your way, who cares how you get there. Your essentially fighting for your child and I don't recommend you give up.  

That being said, I have also reminded my husband of the financial savings I contribute by staying home. Happier/healthier baby, significantly less doctor bills, breastfeeding, saving on gas, started cloth diapering some to save $, even offered to go down to one vehicle (which he doesn't want). Day care is EXPENSIVE. I would choose home day care if I had to, but I just don't trust ANY day care provider. If something bad happens to your child, you can't take that back. I often show my husband facebook posts from friends who have to work who babies are always sick and I remind my husband what an awesome thing he's doing for his daughter.

I've also started looking into weekend or evening work. As an SLP that's possible for me. In the cooperate world, it's more difficult, but I would suggest trying. Every little bit helps. 

Good luck. I hope your husband stops being an a#% and starts appreciating you! But even if he doesn't appreciate you, continue to fight your battle. Your child will appreciate your sacrifice one day.

I have found a job working from home to earn extra money, maybe ur hubby can back off... there is no selling, no inventory, no parties.  Its marketing. I would love to give you more information about this oppertunity... it can be partime, or fulltime, your choice.  i would love to help you out, please contact me and I will give you more information.  Hope I can help you out

MOms Helping MOms Work From Home.

I am working from and am LOVING IT!!

I work my own hours, I don;t sell a single thing, I dont but junk i dont need, I dont take orders, I dont do home parties, I don't handle money. I work my own hours. if you are interested in seeing live webcast that will show you how our company can help you make money and NOT BREAK You, you got to check this out....give me a call and I will get you information so you can see if this is the right company for you and your family.

GOD BLESS
Theresa Trompke

308-999-0209

www.mommyathome.awugreen.com

theresatrompke@yahoo.com

Helping Acheive Your Goals since 1999

MOms Helping MOms Work From Home.

I am working from and am LOVING IT!!

I work my own hours, I don;t sell a single thing, I dont but junk i dont need, I dont take orders, I dont do home parties, I don't handle money. I work my own hours. if you are interested in seeing live webcast that will show you how our company can help you make money and NOT BREAK You, you got to check this out....give me a call and I will get you information so you can see if this is the right company for you and your family.

GOD BLESS
Theresa Trompke

308-999-0209

www.mommyathome.awugreen.com

theresatrompke@yahoo.com

Helping Acheive Your Goals since 1999

MOms Helping MOms Work From Home.

I am working from and am LOVING IT!!

I work my own hours, I don;t sell a single thing, I dont but junk i dont need, I dont take orders, I dont do home parties, I don't handle money. I work my own hours. if you are interested in seeing live webcast that will show you how our company can help you make money and NOT BREAK You, you got to check this out....give me a call and I will get you information so you can see if this is the right company for you and your family.

GOD BLESS
Theresa Trompke

308-999-0209

www.mommyathome.awugreen.com

theresatrompke@yahoo.com

Helping Acheive Your Goals since 1999

I just have to say that I have worked at a preschool/daycare for the last 5 years and if there is any way possible, DO NOT put your daughter in daycare!  Unless you are there all day long, seeing what goes on, you have no idea.  I worked in the office and I could hear the teachers all day.  I worked with about 3 people who I would let watch my child, but l=you can't tell who is actually okay unless you're there all day.  Trust me, people can put on a good show and you'll think they are a great teacher, but they really aren't.  If someone doesn't like your child it is much worse.  I worked at a place where all the teachers had either a BA degree or Masters, so it doesn't really matter how educated the staff is.  So I would love to go back to work when my maternity leave is up (I have a 4 week old) but there is no way I will do that to him when he can't tall me what goes on.  Almost all my co workers agree and only about one or two people put their kids in daycare that works there, because once you work at a daycare and see what goes on, you know better!

I just have to say that I have worked at a preschool/daycare for the last 5 years and if there is any way possible, DO NOT put your daughter in daycare!  Unless you are there all day long, seeing what goes on, you have no idea.  I worked in the office and I could hear the teachers all day.  I worked with about 3 people who I would let watch my child, but you can't tell who is actually okay unless you're there all day.  Trust me, people can put on a good show and you'll think they are a great teacher, but they really aren't.  If someone doesn't like your child it is much worse.  I worked at a place where all the teachers had either a BA degree or Masters, so it doesn't really matter how educated the staff is.  So I would love to go back to work when my maternity leave is up (I have a 4 week old) but there is no way I will do that to him when he can't tall me what goes on.  Almost all my co workers agree and only about one or two people put their kids in daycare that works there, because once you work at a daycare and see what goes on, you know better!

1. I Think he is totally wrong for saying those things to you Andrea, and he owes you an apology.

2. I believe, MOM knows best over anyone. And if your not comfortable with your daughter being in a day care, then don't put her in one. Even if you were to, the money you would make working, most if not all would go towards paying for daycare.

3. I myself, don't trust anyone enough to watch my kids ( 1, and 2) and that includes my family, I couldn't ever do that anyway.

4. Bonding and spending as much time as you can with your kids, is critical to their growing up, and becoming wonderful kids, adults. Not to mention, you want the best relationship with them. It is so much better to be the one spending all your kids time with, than someone you and your child don't even really know.

5. As far as him paying his bills only, if you don't work. That is wrong, your married, and your bills and his, are both of yours and he needs to stop being immature, and stand up to being a great dad and husband. Show a good example to your child.

6. If you working is that important to him, and being a sahm is important to you, why don't you start a at home job. baby sit, dog sit, etc.. Then he would have his cake, and so would you.

7. Last but not least, I think you should really bring this up during one of your sessions at marriage couseling.

8. THERE IS NO ONE THAT CAN EVER DO AS GOOD OF A JOB OR EVEN COME CLOSE. TO YOU AS A MOM. DONT EVER BELIEVE DIFFERENT.

I am always here if you need someone to talk to Andrea, here is my personal email, if you would like to email me ... NICUBABIES1022@YAHOO.COM.

Take care, and you will be in my prayers. Your doing the right thing, by being a sahm....Always remember that.