Hello I have known my girlfriend for 18 years and we have been in a serious relationship for the last year and a half, she has 3 children which since being laid off and her having a career leaves me as the primary care taker of the kids. Now we have been living together for a year and i have been the prominent father figure in their lives as their father is well not much of a father which leads to the number one problem we have. The 13 year old boy was living with his father for 2 years before coming back to live with his mother. There was no discipline and he was treated like a "dog" for lack of better terms, as he was told that he was no good and used for fetching his father's beer and not much else. Now that he is living with us he acts much more like the 6 year old and is constantly fighting with her and causing problems which I see as being very immature for his age, his grades very bad and his interests are only video games and television, he does not do good at making friends his own age and will hardly leave the house. So my question is how do I get through to him if he does not respect me as his father figure and refuses to listen to me or his mother as his reactions are extremely childish whenever we try to be serious with him and try to explain something to him, I am completely lost on what to do any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I come from a broken home, where my real father wasn't much of a "Dad". The one thing that saved me as a father was that I eventually was put into a foster home, and had foster parents who were amazing people, and my foster father was an excellent example to me of what a father is supposed to be. I had many behavior issues when I first came to my foster family at the age of 12. However my new Dad stepped into this task (I was only the second child they had fostered) with a bit of creativity, and some solid resolve that he would make a difference in my life. You have that choice now Rob. Your girlfriends son is acting out in the ways he has been taught by the last role model in his life, but you have the chance to model for him what a real father is supposed to be. As far as getting out of the house, schedule a family outting to a local park ( it doesn't have to cost anything ), grab a couple gloves and a baseball, a football, a frisbee, or anything you two can play catch with and get some father - son time in. It may be stressful at first, and it may take some time, but if he sees you being consistant and showing an active interest in him he will start to come around. I know I did, and I know that my Dad ( I no longer call him a foster parent ) is the reason that I turned out halfway decent. My fondest memories of my teenage years were the those that included him. Another thing you could try, and you may not be into video games, but try spending a half hour playing a game with him. Plan a hike, a bike ride, but YOU need to connect with him, and at first he may resist it, but be consistant, and don't give up. As for getting him out of the house to meet kids his age, find where the local little league footbal or baseball teams play, and go to a game, find something that he is interested in and get him involved. I know this is kind of long winded, but I know how it feels to be the kid who feels all alone and like no one understands, and I can almost bet that is how your girlfriends son is feeling.