I'm a stay at hom mom and have been for he last 2 1/2 years. I didn't plan on staying home but my little girl was born at 25 weeks. She spent 4 1/2 mths in the nicu and came home on 4 meds and a heart moniter. After her first year she was off all of that but needed physical therapy and early intervention. In the 2 yrs shes been home I got diagnosed with an auto immune disease and had a lung tumor removed. So if you can imagine I feel like I havent had a minute to breath.

 I'm happy to report that we are both completely healthy now. I guess the problem is that I really dont have alot of friends that have children and the ones that do, work. I feel very alone and often times sad. I have no support from any family members. My parents live far away and although his live next door they have never offered to watch my daughter. I NEED a day off but it doesnt seem possible.

 Any suggestions as to how I can reboot and enjoy bing home again? Anyone else in the same circumstance?

Hi Amy,

Sorry we don't live close by :( but I have a similar situation except I didn't get sick like you did, sorry to hear that must have been just awful with all you were going through already!!!

Our son was born at 32 weeks with an enlarged Heart, we had no idea he was sick.  He also had over 2lbs fluid under his skin and low muscle tone...he was 3lbs 2oz and immediately put on a ventilator and 13 iv's to keep him alive...We were in Shock ....he was flown to another hosp at 3 weeks old b/c he was still alive and they recommened he get a Heart transplant...he was put on parlayzing meds for 2 months until his heart came...we held him once at 3 weeks old then not again till 4 months old...he got his new heart at 3 months old, thanks to the selfless act of a donor family...he had to learn to drink a bottle at 4.5 months, he has a Mitochondrial Myopathy, muscle disorder...he has PT and OT twice a week and Speech once a week....he's now 22 months old and Finally we're having to see less and less dr's but he still can't walk or bare weight through his legs....

Anyhoo....I can relate to having a sick baby and being traumatized and busy with that.....and we're finally coming out of our bubble and what I've done is signed him up for swim class at the local YMCA...it's 10 classes for $70...We are also going to start a Mommy and Me gym class Monday for 10 weeks .,....I looked in papers that came to the house and decided to get him out and socilaize...it'll be Great for us BOTH!!!  My family is not too big and I don't get any help from them but he has 3 lil cousins we see frequently...but as you said my friends all work ....my fiance lives in Florida and comes up on wkds...it's not easy but we've to do this for now....

Try getting involved in some Mommy and Me classes...we're all in the same boat and I bet you'll meet some great friends....I also lost a few friends with my son being sick....not sure why...maybe they think it's contagious??...that was a joke But it's fine by me...on to new Forever friends :-)

Take care and keep us posted...I'm on Facebook and have alot of friends with kids with heart probs on there...it really helps me not feel so alone also....if you'd like to add me as afriend my name is Amanda Tone....Wish you the best!!!

Hi Amy,

Sorry we don't live close by :( but I have a similar situation except I didn't get sick like you did, sorry to hear that must have been just awful with all you were going through already!!!

Our son was born at 32 weeks with an enlarged Heart, we had no idea he was sick.  He also had over 2lbs fluid under his skin and low muscle tone...he was 3lbs 2oz and immediately put on a ventilator and 13 iv's to keep him alive...We were in Shock ....he was flown to another hosp at 3 weeks old b/c he was still alive and they recommened he get a Heart transplant...he was put on parlayzing meds for 2 months until his heart came...we held him once at 3 weeks old then not again till 4 months old...he got his new heart at 3 months old, thanks to the selfless act of a donor family...he had to learn to drink a bottle at 4.5 months, he has a Mitochondrial Myopathy, muscle disorder...he has PT and OT twice a week and Speech once a week....he's now 22 months old and Finally we're having to see less and less dr's but he still can't walk or bare weight through his legs....

Anyhoo....I can relate to having a sick baby and being traumatized and busy with that.....and we're finally coming out of our bubble and what I've done is signed him up for swim class at the local YMCA...it's 10 classes for $70...We are also going to start a Mommy and Me gym class Monday for 10 weeks .,....I looked in papers that came to the house and decided to get him out and socilaize...it'll be Great for us BOTH!!!  My family is not too big and I don't get any help from them but he has 3 lil cousins we see frequently...but as you said my friends all work ....my fiance lives in Florida and comes up on wkds...it's not easy but we've to do this for now....

Try getting involved in some Mommy and Me classes...we're all in the same boat and I bet you'll meet some great friends....I also lost a few friends with my son being sick....not sure why...maybe they think it's contagious??...that was a joke But it's fine by me...on to new Forever friends :-)

Take care and keep us posted...I'm on Facebook and have alot of friends with kids with heart probs on there...it really helps me not feel so alone also....if you'd like to add me as afriend my name is Amanda Tone....Wish you the best!!!

Hi Amy,

I read your post and it touched my heart and felt I needed to respond.  I understand your situation.  My circumstances were much the same.  It is hard to not have family and friends you can relate to closeby.  I had to relocate to MA (pioneer valley) due to my husband's job transfer.  I was a sahm for years to my two daughters.  When they were babies/toddlers I didn't get much alone time.  Thankfully, my husband often tried to help out & give me a break.  I've only recently gone back to work.  There weren't many playgroups I could find in our area but I did find one through early intervention.  One of my daughters is under the autism spectrum (P.D.D. - N.O.S.) and I was able to go to a playgroup which helped.  Although my daughter's case is mild, I do know what it is like to have a special needs child to some point.  You might also check to see if your town offers a family center.  Ours does but unfortunately by the time I heard of it, my kids were past the cut off age.  My husband's parents (divorced) live in the state but not nearby.  They don't often come to visit except for holidays.  I know what it is like to be a "one man show".  Overwhelming at times.  Although I have made a couple of friends, at times I feel like starting a "transplant to MA" support group.  lol.  I truly feel others can't possibly understand unless they have had to live away from home and not have access to babysitters, etc.  Convenience that I'm sure others take for granted.  I am glad to hear your health has returned (and your little ones as well).  Please feel free to email or friend me if you would like to correspond.  No, you are not alone and things will get better.  Time and change never stop.  Maria

HELLO AMY,

I ALSO HAVE BEEN A STAY AT HOME MOM FOR ABOUT THE SAME AMOUNT AS YOU. SINCE I WAS PREGNANT I HAD TO BE AT BED REST BECAUSE I HAD TO AMNIOTIC FLUID. WHEN I GAVE BIRTH AT 38 WEEKS HE WAS FINE. HE CAME HOME WITH ME THE SECOND DAY. AT THE AGE OF FIVE MONTHS HE WAS DIAGNOSED WOTH INFANTILE SPASMS. WHICH ARE SEIZURES. HE WAS ALSO ON MEDS. BUT NOW I DON'T SEE ANY SEIZURES. THAT IS A GOOD THING. I HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY NOT WORKING. I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR THIS LONG. I HAD A INTERVIEW NOT TO LONG AGO. I HAD TO CANCEL IT BECAUSE MY SON'S KIDNEY DR CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS TO SEE A UROLOGIST. I HAVE TO GO TO TAMPA TO SEE ONE BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ONE HERE WHERE I LIVE FOR PEDEATRICS. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS THAT I CAN ACTUALLLY SOCIALIZE WITH EITHER UNTIL I MET SOMEONE ONLINE CALLED OCALAMOM.COM. YOU SHOULD HAVE ONE. I LIVE IN OCALA FLORIDA. I MET A GIRL ONLINE. HER DAUGHTER AND MYSON HAVE THE SAME THING SO WE CONNECTED. I WILL BE MEETING HER SOON. SO I CAN SUGGEST WHERE EVER YOU LIVE WRITE IT DOWN IN THIS BLOG OR WHEN YOU SEARCH ON THE WEB SEARCH THE CITY YOU LIVE AND PUT MOM AT THE END OF IT. I AM SO GLAD THAT WE FOUND EACH OTHER. WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO AND CHILL OUT WITH AND TALK ABOUT OUR KIDS AND THE EXPEIRENCES WE ALL HAVE. I'M SO SORRY THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT AROUND TO HELP YOU. WHERE DO YOU LIVE IF YOU DON'T MY MIND ME ASKING? I'M HERE HIF YOU EVER WANTED TO TALK. HAVE A GREAT DAY SWEETIE. KEEP YOUR HEAD AND UP.

Thank you guys for responding. Reading your stories made me feel less alone. I live in mass. Ive looked for gorups in my area and haven't found any as of yet. I'm going to look into swim lessons at the Y and maybe they will have some moms groups posted.

The few friends I have with children, have kids alot younger than my daughter. It makes getting together tough. My little one is 2 1/2 and a tornado. I am thankful for that though. She is perfectly healthy and that is soo rare considering she was born soo early and at 1 lb 11oz. I also find it hard to relate to moms whos kids have never had any problems. I've actually never said that to anyone. In a way i feel like they take health for granted when my little girl had to fight for her life for months and then struggle for a whole year when she finally did come home. It was soo hard and although we are moving forward I wonder if I will ever get over all the struggle.

She is a miracle in every sense of the word, even being born on christmas morning.I feel blessed.

Oh Amy! Thank you for sharing your story! I can not imagine what you have been through! My first was born at 37 weeks and was 8lbs8oz but had fluid in his lungs and was in the NICU for 6 days! I know this pails in comparison to what you, and all you other moms that have posted, went thru! But those 6 days were the hardest 6 days of my life! I could not hold him until he was 3 days old and didnt get to try nursing him until he was 4 days old! You never expect that YOUR baby with have to be in the NICU!! 

My family and I just moved to a tiny town in TN and they also have no moms groups in our area but thanks to meetup.com I found a moms group in another city.  Try meetup.com. You should be able to find something! 

I dont know the relationship you have with your in-laws, and with all that you have been throu I can not believe they have not once offered to watch your daughter so you can have some rest/alone/self time!! Some people just dont get it! Maybe you could ask them sometime if they would be willing to watch her so you could go to the movies, or take a nap, or get a pedicure, make dinner, or do anything. I hope they would be willing to do that for you!! 

Try meetup.com and maybe ask your in-laws or have your husband ask them.  Also maybe have your husband can plan on watching her on one of his days off so you can have an hour or two just for you!! Maybe you could work something out so that he could do this once ever couple of weeks.  Maybe your in-laws will watch her so you two can have a date night! Sounds like you could use a date night!

Best of luck to you Amy and please keep me posted!

Chelsey

What a wonderful coincidence!! I will try to take your advice about asking the inlaws to watch her once and awhile. I don't know the reason they don't. I think her being so sick really shook them up and I don't know if they can look at her as healthy now. That seems so funny to me because this kid doesn't stop moving or talking all day. She is the farthest thing from a sickly child. I'm going to look into that meetup.com today. I live in a very small town so I'm hoping they will have something close by.

Talk to you soon,

Amy

I think that makes perfect sense! But they love her and will take great care of her and you can have some Amy time!! We are always better moms after we get some self time!! I also live in a tiny town and there was not a moms group in my town but in there was on in a near by town on meetup.com. Please stay in contact and let me know how everything works out!! I agree it is a wonderful coincidence and a beautiful blessing that both of our babies were born early on Christmas morning and are strong, healthy beautiful toddlers today!! That is so neat!

Good luck!!

Chelsey