Hi

This is just an an introduction.  My name is Imani and I have an eight year old girl who is my heart.  I am single because I found out something about her father when I was four months pregnant that he did not confide in me from the beginnning.  So, I conscioulsly could not have her around him and at that point I lost all trust of him even being around her so I left. Yes, it was that bad that I left him and moved back to my home state. We were married and divorced after I had her.   Its been me and her every since.  She's getting older and she speaks of wanting to see him, and I have never bad mouthed her dad, so  do I break down and tell her the truth of why we are no longer together?

She wants a father figure/father in her life because she'll say things like, 'you need to get married, so I can have a daddy' or ' since I can't have a brother or sister can I get a dog?'   Stunned me at first, but every now and again she'll still say it.  It hits right in the heart when she does.  With what I've been through I just don't want the wrong person to be in our lives.

Hi Imani, 

I can't help to relate to your story. I am a single mother because I too had to break things of with the father of my child. Because of his life style choices and aggressive nature I deemed him not stable enough or safe enough to be arround my child. He put me through hell during my first tri mester. I had to get a restraining order and relocate so he could not find me. I too dred the day that my daughter will ask about her dad. Fortunally I have a plan when she asks about her dad I will simply say that he is not stable enough to be with us. I hope that the day never comes when she wants to meet him but once she is old enough to  fend for her self the choice is hers. I will then give her the necessary info and advice her to be careful. but I will not otter his name or any specific info till she is old enough. I am like you because I also believe that its not right to bad mouth her father, when she is old enough if she wants to I will give her his name and she will find out the truth for herself.

Thats as prepared as I will ever be for this event. and Imani you are not alone.