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| Step Families / Blended Families |
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hi all,
i became a stepmom last fall, though i've known my sd, who is now 8, for three years. it's been a rough road. i was living across the country for a job when i got married, and just got to the same city as my husband about six months ago. sd's mom is very difficult, and sometimes i have trouble dealing with my anger and resentment toward her. she is a smart, caring and at times, very generous woman. but she can also switch on a dime to being angry, hostile and even hateful to my husband, whom she still hasn't forgiven for any number of things, namely their divorce. she belittles his parenting skills and calls us irresponsible, sometimes for hair-brained reasons. on a larger scale, she's made life very difficult from a logistical standpoint. several years ago, we all had jobs in the same city and sd was being raised there. but in the intervening years her mom has moved farther and farther away from where we are, such that she's now an 80-mile distance. she resents that we don't live there too, even though we don't particularly care for her community, all our friends are in the city, and living there would mean a two-hour commute each way for us (the mom works at home). so she harangues us often about this and generally refuses to drive the child to our place, so that whenever we have custody, my husband spends five hours in the car each way, fetching sd. her mom also has her enrolled in a private school that is tough for us to afford, even with the mom and my husband splitting costs. as a graduate of snooty private schools, i'm personally opposed to private schools, especially if money's an issue and there are good public schools in the area (which there are). but i could put that aside if the mom didn't complain about money all the time. on that note, she also spoils sd, in my view, and needlessly so. sd has simple taste and is just as happy with a puzzle or walk in the park as she is playing nintendo or on a laptop. but she's been given thousands of dollars in electronic devices and always has the latest toy or gizmo.
again, i could shrug more of this off if the mom wasn't so often harsh and even nasty with my husband and me. but all the built-in problems, plus her at-times, terribly attitude, make it all tough to swallow -- even though i adore my sd!!
any advice, ladies? |
| Posted by K on 08/01/2007 10:21 PM
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It's sounds like our husband's married the same lady the first time around lol My husband's ex is very simliar and very manipulative . . . I say, if you treat kindly, no matter what, she has nothing on you! My problem is more w/ her bad influence on my step daughter, who I love very much-- she's 7.
We moved from Ca to Alabama to be closer to her (the Coast didn't have any openings in Tx where she lives) and we were supposed to have her all summer, but her mom said she would miss her too much so we brought her back after a month and then guess what? She spent all of July at her grandmothers because they couldn't afford a babysitter! what!?
exactly! I"m a WAHM so I'm always her, with her half-sister ( 10 mo) also so it seems rediculous. I noticed my SD had some bad habits and when I questioned my DH about it, he said it was her mom. I'm really scared she'll end up easy and two-faced like her, and what I'l love is for her to have manners, like a lady. She doesn't have to be prim and proper, but having class can take you places whereas being easy gets you pregnant and degree-less most of the time.
sorry, I'm venting too! |
| posted by Rochelle on 08/02/2007 12:18 PM
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