I've been on mat leave for a year and I've just gone back to work.  I'm having a really hard time with it, I just don't want to leave my son.  I feel so down all the time and I miss him so much, it's weird, I feel like I'm going to miss everything.  Just needing some support, anyone else felt like this?  How did you get through it?

I feel your pain.  My daughter just turned three.  She actually likes her daycare.  It gets easy, then hard, then easy, then hard, etc.  Just know that you have chosen the best provider for her.  You are being a parent by chosing the person who will "help" you raise her.  You may think that he'll get confused as to who his parents are, but really they don't.  You may miss some things...  and it is okay to cry.  Just give him extra hugs and kisses.  I feel like the time I do spend with my daughter is more quality time than some who spend all day with their kids.  I know adults who were in daycare and they turned out just fine.  I'm reluctant to have another child though unless I can stay home because I don't know if I'd be able to put two in daycare.  It will be okay.

Thanks, it helps to know someone else has felt like this as well.  My husband thinks I'm acting crazy and all my friends who have kids said they never felt like this when they went back.  I was starting to think there was something wrong with me.

I personally think there's something wrong with mothers who DON'T feel this way.  But that's just my opinion.  My husband thinks I overreact too.  I try not to mention it too much because then he says he feels like a failure by not being able to make enough money to allow me to stay home.  I'd sit and hug my daughter all day long if I could. 

Hi Dilettee,

What helped me was two things.

1) Like Amanda said, find a great daycare!!! When you feel good about where your child is going during the day, you will feel much better (plus, a study just came out saying that kids who attend QUALITY daycare before kindergarten do much better on tests when they reach school). Also, keep in mind that in other countries, kids attend daycare at an earlier age. In France, for instance, kids start school full time at age 3.

2) See if you can find a work balance. I switched from a career in business to a teaching job (I originally was a teacher but had to go into business to support my husband while he got is Ph.D.). Obviously, unless you can go back to school, you won't be able to completely switch careers, but perhaps you can talk to your boss about doing a 4 day work week or cutting back to just 7 hours a day instead of 8. Or working from home one or two days a week (where you can do laundry while you work so that is one less thing to do on the weekends when you are spending time with your son).

Hope that helps and BTW - you are completely normal and a good mom.

Thanks,

Tina