i have a 22month old and a 5 month old. when i am feeding my lil one a bottle and my husbands at work my oldest goes through the house just destroying anything in his path. hes not jealous of spending less time with me its spending less time with his brother. how do i stop his behavior? i have tried time outs, distracting him, letting him feed his brother, you name it i have probably done it. i just need it to stop. please please please help me

Hello Brianna,

My kids are further apart in age. But there are times my 6 yr old gets upset over my time with his younger brother who is only 5 weeks old. Yes, my 6 yr old can verbalize his feelings. So that may be issue number one- your 22 mo. old can't do that yet. So he does what ever he can to get your attention. Doing bad things is still getting attention. Try having a one on one day wiht him when hubby is around. I have done that with my kids. Also have him help. He may want to get you a diaper or his bottle. Anything little he can do may help. :)

I hope this may work for you.

Debbie

he helps me all the time. he is right there when i change jrs diaper and everyday i spend quality time with him. i dont know if i am still doing something wrong or if maybe i should let gabe spend more time with his brother. i just really want this to stop. could this behavior just be a faze??

I am sure it is a faze. But you don't want it to escalate (hurting the baby). He is not hte baby anymore even though he is at 22 mo. old. He can't communicate his feelings. Maybe if you had dad a part of the discipline it may help. Like "When dad comes home, I will tell him that you haven't listened to mommy." Kids take advantage of mom they push us more than do to the dads. Not that you want hubby to be the bad guy but there has to be a balance. Discuss punishments appropriate for his age.

Make sure he stays in his timeout for the duration. At 22 mo. It may be for 2 minutes. He is about 2 so their attention spans are not for that long. If he keeps getting up extend it for 2 minutes. I had a time out chair with a buzzer. My kids hated it. It was cute though. The chair had a buzzer from 1 minute to 15 minutes. It was a rocker. And when I said you want time out. They would get upset and stop. I would give them one warning. They continued to act up- no more questions about it. They were in the time out chair. Always remember no matter how much they kick and scream you are the parent. Don't let them manipulate you. Even if they say they are sorry as they are sitting there. When punishment is over- in a firm voice- ask them do they know why they went into the chair so  they can recognize what they did wrong. I don't know his verbal skills but I am sure he can express himself.

Good luck :)

thank you so much. i will give that a try and see if it works.

the timeouts arent working. we will go all day just trying to get through one timeout. i dont know but maybe i should find something else. i dont know maybe something that he realy likes and take it away. i mean i have tried it before when he was younger but it didnt work. if you have any more suggestions i would be grateful for them

I have watched the Nanny show and she insists on the parent being consistent and persistant. Do not give up. He will then get the idea that you are the boss. If you give in, this will be more difficult for you to break as he gets older.

I have a friend who is a psychologist and she helped me with my then 4 yr old. He had bad habits. Interrupting, not cleaning up his toys and whining were the top three. I created a chart. She said that children should not be rewarded for things that they should be doing. They should be cleaning their room, etc. They should have good manners. So the list was not to get stars for things he was doing right like a star for brushing his teeth, but get an X for things he was doing that was inappropriate.

For instance:

1. No whining (my son would whine)

2. No interrupting (he would speak out of turn)

3. Not cleaning up his toys. (Doesn't have to be perfect but placed back in their spots)

The first X was a warning, the second X was taking away a toy or no tv, a third X was timeout. He would get so upset that eventually he would yell, "no I don't want an X" and his behaviour changed. HE hated getting X's. You make up the punishment but add time out in there that would be the ultimate punsihment.

So for example your chart may read.

1. No throwing things

2. No yelling

3. Not listening

4. Not staying in your bed

Give him three strikes, but follow through. Do not give up. If you are ok with a pat on the tush then do that. It may shock him since it would out of your norm.

Hope this may help.

Deb

thank you so much. i do spank him but it doesnt work. he thinks its funny. and that is really frustrating. i will try the chart thing. i really appriciate your help. thank-you so much.

22 months is really too young to understand and communicate many things. Time outs rarely work at this age because they just don't understand the concept. I will put my daughter in her room for a few minutes only to give myself a chance to breathe and calm down. It is frustrating for both the parent and child- part of the reason it's called the "terrible two's".

Have you tried allowing your 2 yr old to watch a favorite show while you are feeding the little one? I'm not a huge proponent for tv with kids, but I think in moderation it can be beneficial if it is educational. My daughter loves, loves, loves Yo Gabba Gabba and Blues Clues. So when she is getting particularly fussy, overtired, or I need to do something quickly, I will allow her to watch one episode. It's only about 20 minutes, and it gives her time to breathe and calm down. It also gives me a moment to catch my breath.

Or maybe he has another favorite activity such as coloring (mine will eat crayons after too long) or reading a book. Perhaps you could do something like that with him while you are feeding the baby.

Another idea is limiting where he can go during a feeding. Use a gate orsit in a room where he can be confined to that area only. Leave out toys he can play with independently, perhaps some of his favorites, while you feed the baby. He may still get into things, but at least you will be controlling the chaos.

he wont really watch cartoons. maybe 5 minutes or less and for some reason he wont play with his toys.  he is a little live wire but now he is actually starting to get better on his own. i mean it is still rough going but he is trying. he is very smart and knows what to do to make mommy mad. and that is his favoraite activity by far lol but we go outside now a lot and when i am feeding jr. i just tell him to be good then he can go outside when mommy is done. thank-you all for your help. but i think i have finally found a cure. or temporary cure lol i will kepp all of your advice in mind for my next one thanks again