Hi everyone. My fiance is in a local band. While they are not huge here in maine they are big in the south..oddly enough! He is a guitar player for them and has rejoined them a year ago...around the same time we started dating. Well we just had our first child 7 weeks ago..and the band thing is a big stress on him. The lead singer of the group is not real good with communicating the practice and show times..he tells everyone to check their myspace page?!? Than on top of that..they have 2 cds out but my finace was not on either of them...but because the lead singer paid out of pocket for the cds..all the money they get goes right to him. So my fiance has not made onepenny playing for them...he actually spends money..he has picked up the bar tab a couple times for them..and is constantly driving places for gigs. He is still with them because he loves playing, has been playing guitar since he was 8 years old... so 20 years! Im just frustrated that the band is takin him away so much , they dont care that he just had a child..and they are not paying him. When he doesnt show up for practice they all get hell bent. But honestly they are not paying his bills!! grrr..thanks for the vent!!

hey corrin =]

Firstly, congratulations on the baby news, I hope all is going well!

Now, about the band...THAT is outrageous! can't believe that! So they'll bleed him dry of his energy but won't give him any cut of the success?! Clearly they know about teamwork and being a unit! Have you tried talking to him about it or is he one of those "you can't tell me nothing" and shuts down? Cannot believe they take his money, gas (petrol to me, as a Brit lol) and his ENERGY and give nothing back! That's not a band, thats one huge parasite!

I don't have as much experience as you because I've only been dating my guy for a few months but I'm already feeling the sting - cancelled weekends with little notice, his inability to pick up the phone, weeks without seeing him - its hard work man, I didn't realise how much until now. Thankfully, I'm quite secure in myself but dating a drummer is different to dating a "normal" guy.

That being said...we're with them for their creativity, dedication, hard work and appreciation of their craft. Its the "sorry honey, gotta cancel" that I'm starting to dislike!!!

hello i feel you on this one.. my husband of 3 and a half years is a die hard musician i have seen him go from band to band to being solo to being a dj now.. lol hes been plaiyin guitar since he was 10 hes 27! and i love his music i just hate eveythign else that comes with it.. he is really tryin to get out there make it so he does everythign and anyting to promote himself. this is were we have problems. he has a myspace and he adds hundreds of ppl a day . there are so many lil girls all over him and i know it shouldnt bother me but it makes me sick to my stomach when i even think about it.. i hate it. !!

aw man, the groupies and screaming banshees. One thing I (stupidly) didn't realise came with the band lol. I went to support my mate at his gig and saw the amount of girls screaming and trying to touch them. It then occurred to me that MY bloke would have the same thing lol and I said to him "surely you find it hard to turn down a bunch of girls throwing themselves at you?" "Actually I don't notice. I love what I do and purely perform. Nothing else."

He gigs every/anywhere and I've seen it purely wipe him out. I know he has so much faith and love for the band and believes they're due 'big things' therefore it drives him to work harder. I've seen the bags under his eyes, the incessant rehearsals, having to 'work' on New Years Eve 300 miles from home...but I support him 110%, as much as it drives me insane.

The banshees amuse me. In order for me to remain sane and secure, I look at it clinically. They're there to promo the band by word-of-mouth, buy their CD, get friends to become fans on their networking site/myspace. Yeah am sure the frontman is loving them looking at him/the band adoringly, but the band's sole purpose is to perform and get their music heard/noticed. I think a musician would be somewhat disturbed if he had to pick a gf from the posse of screaming girls who should have a 10pm curfew lol. Maybe my point is wrong but its how I look at it.

I know its me he's coming home to. I'm the one he wants go to the movies with, cuddle with, cook dinner with and argue over 'who has control of the tv' with lol. Its me he tells his worries to, shows his raw work to and hopes I have his back against the odds. Same as your husband.

And as a mega-plus...I own with that fabulous body of his - his sleeping habits annoy me but phwoar that stomach makes up for it EVERY time :P

It's weird, I know why I fell in love with my bf..for WHO he is.  And he is a musician and a soundengineer in the training. 

He has a 9-5 day job plus a couple nights a week and one weekend day he's in the studio or at band rehearsal. And when he's not working at either job, he's off to jams/gigs/or to the houses of other musicians to 'absorb the music' I know this sounds MILD compared to what you guys are dealing with.  As of yet, they have not started touring yet, but it's on the cards, and already I'm getting a bit worried about if I will be able to deal with it.

Wait no scrap that, a lot worried.  We try not to argue about this, but we end up arguing...mainly it starts of with me feeling neglected or sidelined.  And I know he does try hard to balance it all out, when when he's not busy with the above, when he's at home, he's abolustely shattered and sleeps in and just wants to chill at home. For me, I'm starting to get bored, so I signed up to a few evening sports/creative classes a few nights a week. I'm loving these classes but at the same time I miss him.

I think this thing about him playing at gigs etc...yes...the hoarde of girls throwing themselves at him. And he is very goodlooking, a bit of popular one with girls as he is very very friendly/chatty and deep and easy to talk to. He could have a very deep intellectual heartfelt conversation with any random stranger he's met for 5mins! Anyways, I do feel that girls will get the wrong idea..bleh i think im sounding like a greeneyedmonster!

Oops sorry I've rambled on so much....had a lot of my chest :)  I'm sure half of what I said doesn't make sense...it's just random thoughts rambling out at the moment.

It's weird, i love him. Yet I sometimes resent what he loves....

Oops I think I've replied on the wrong thread...sorry! New at this!

Hey everybody,

Little introduction...

I've been with my gorgeous husband for 5 years, he's plays keyboard in a band. I think I came here as nobody 'normal' can reallly understand what it's like to be with a musician. It can get lonely sometimes with the tours and whatever.

Just came over here for some support :) the fact that he has gone away today on a long tour might have something to do with it!!!

hope to hear from you soon...

Hey everybody,

Little introduction...

I've been with my gorgeous husband for 5 years, he's plays keyboard in a band. I think I came here as nobody 'normal' can reallly understand what it's like to be with a musician. It can get lonely sometimes with the tours and whatever.

Just came over here for some support :) the fact that he has gone away today on a long tour might have something to do with it!!!

hope to hear from you soon...

Izzy,

I just read your latest post, it's just how I feel. It used to really annoy me, the screaming girls, but as you say, they come home to us! We're their ladies and they love us!

He sometimes texts me while he's playing (one-handed keyboard player :) and tells me how much he misses me and our baby boy, I love ot when he does that :)