hey adrianna, wow you're one of the few people that actually understand whats going on.. yea after my son was born my social life was done. he could see his friends whenever he please but if i was going to see mine. he'd say the didn't like him and i was going to cheat..at one point i got upset and said why is it i can't see any of my friends and you're around yours all the time.. he cam back with mine aren't bad for me which if you read all that.. you know that's a lie and then he said you don't need your friends cause my friends are your friends..so yea after that it was kinda worse if i wanted down time with him i was controlling, i kept him on a leash.. when whenever i tried to go any where even family parties i was up to something, i was being sketchy.. i don't know i'm starting to smarten up, and i'm not trying to be an attention hog, but i'm so used to being completly on my own that now i want advice and outside input.. the thing that really screwed me up is i'm very forgiving.. in this whole rehab situation ip one  never once brought up one thing he did that hurt me and trust me there's plenty..but he was so open to throw things in my face point out my wrongs, blame me.. the thing that really screwed me up is if i asked for his help and he didn't want to do it he'd leave, if i upset him a little he'd leave. two weeks before he went into rehab he walked out on me. left for 5days didn't call to check on his son,left me no money,and when i called him he didn't want to hear anything.. and then he came back and me being the forgiving person i am.. i acted like nothing happend, and i came out and asked if what if i did that would you stay.. he said no i'd leave you.. and it became like a game for him whenever he wanted something,whenever he wanted me to do something, whenever i was asking too much of him.. he would always throw in well i'm just going to leave..it was funny to him, he'd joke about it to his friends.. yea if she's pissing me off or if i want her to do something i just tell her i'm goin to leave..i do love him and i want my son to have a normal family, but i don't know how much more i can actually take..i'm 22 yrs old and i feel 50.. and i've done alot of thinking women let themselves be hiurt and walked on cause they're selfless..they care and want to fix everything.. i really want to give him this last chance.. but 2 days ago he talked to me like i was nothing.. talked down to me.. and it hurt, it showed me some things can change with him and some may not.. i asked him for money i told him i needed help.. he stayed home played xbox never showed.. the rope is getting smaller and his time is about to be done.. i finnaly know why it's hard for parents to seperate,they want their children to have everything.. including the perfect family, but to pretend that you're happy hurts them more in the long run they end up in abusive relationships, they treat their spouses like crap,they think it's normal to fight and be upset all the time..my parents have never been happy and every relationship i've had is a mirror of theirs.. don't listen when someone says they love you.. tell them to show it.. actions speak louder than words and that's something i've lost track of.. it doesn't matter if someone says a hundred times i love you.. it's how they treat you, it's what they do for you, what length they're willing to go..i've done everything in my power to be good to this boy.. i've done everything i could to show him i love him, made plenty of sacrifices, and got nothing in return, guys like this the more you do the more they take you for granted.. and i've ran into plenty of women whose husbands left because of a baby, or their mother was in the middle of everything, or their friends were, and i've seen alot of women live like that and do nothing.. cause no one wants to be alone..they don't want their kids to be unhappy.. i lost track of myself, i lowered my standards for someone who doesn't seem to care for me.. and the stupid part is i still wanna give him that last chance, still wanna see and it makes me sad.. i know every women that has gone thru something like this understands easier said than done rite.. but eventually you gotta stop being scared, you gotta gain respect for yourself and stop being a doormat.. know that if they treat you like crap you don't diserve it, every one diserves to be in love, everyone diserves to be happy.. you can't let one a**hole ruin all that for you.. i want to try finnally saying what i need,what i want, what i want to see happen.. and if none of that does happen he obviously doesn't love me like i do him.. and it will be ok..i think everyone can learn from somebody's mistakes and yea maybe this will help somebody some day..cause sadly this is becoming a normal thing for women

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. Your heart will always want to give him a chance. Maybe this time he will do right. The thing is if he wants to change he will. It may be slow steps but as long as he changes good. If he doesn't want to change then only you can decide when it's time to move on. My husband has put me through alot. Then one day he says I only want him for his money. Mind you I still pay half the bills with my unemployment check. After praying, crying, and talking to God I realized This could not continue. I was so unhappy. I was always trying to please my husband. Because after all if he wasn't happy then none of us was happy. But God let me realize that my husband treats me that way because I let him. I didn't say anything when he was calling me everything but my name. or when he always questioned my whereabouts but didn't want to tell me what he was doing. So one day I said enough is enough. "I don't even have a job and I want a divorce. So I can't want you for your money. I'll work three jobs if I have to. You want keep talking to me like I'm nothing, after all the things I do for you." To this day he is respecting me more. Believe me my eyes are open to see if he is gonna try to change for a month or so then change back. I'm going back to school in the fall. Which he was against that to. I go out with my friends and family. The less he sees me the more he wants my time. I believe it's because my world is not wrapped around him any more. I still have to occasionally correct him. "Look I'm not talking to you like that so don't talk to me like that. Talk to me when you can respect me." Then I'll walk away. I don't argue with him because it's pointless. My life is about peace right now. All the fussing and yelling was affecting my one year old as well. My baby would start crying. Sometimes when he would babble it would sound like was angry and fussing. I said not another day. My husband is just like his father. But my son will not be the same. Our situation is not totally the same but the point is we have to respect ourselves. Do things to make us happy. Raise our children the best we can. I'm so much happier because I'm not waiting for my husband. If there's some place I want to go or something I want I make it happen. Be encouraged you are going to be okay.    

Adrainana, you are so inspiring to others that you don't have to sit there and take the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. You should never have to make sure he's happy and not you, sometimes I don't know who men think they are. They can help bring babies into this world but when it's time for them to be father..(Any man can be a daddy but it takes a real man to be a father) they're either to scared to hold, change a diaper because it's gross, feed or do any of the things we have to sometimes learn ourselves. "Donkey" don't you dare put yourself or you son through one more day of his selfishness. It's sometimes better to not be with someone than it is to be in an abusive relationship. Put your foot down and tell him to hit the road and don't even come back. He will seriously regret what he's done and doing to you and your son, when your son is older and he realizes what hes missed. Tell him you'd rather be without him and happy than with him and miserable. And if he starts crying he'll change don't even fall for it. I'd make him sweat it out for at least a month of no contact with you period. And maybe then he'll smarten up, if not then good riddance. I'm sorry if you think I'm being harsh but I seriously have no tolerance for "boys" who think they can do whatever in the hell they want to and we have to accept it. He needs to treat you the same way you treat him no less.. even better if possible, but that probably asking way to much.. And like Adrainana said she doesnt' want her son to be like his father.. and trust me he is watching when you fight and he will learn from his father about how to treat women and the cycle will repeat. Put an end to it today for both you and sons sake. I hope I've been some of some help.. Good luck and God Bless.

Kristi, you are so right you should never stay in an abusive situation. I used to say the same things. I would never allow a man to treat me that way. But when you get in a situation like that the dynamics of things changes when you have a child. If you don't deal with the issues you have, you will go into another relationship the same way. A woman has to realize first that this is totally unacceptable. If she breaks up with the guy only because she 's mad then she might take the guy back later. Then that pattern begins of in and out of a relationship. Healing has began in me. I am no longer that push over. The thing I'm working on now is financially positioning myself to take care of myself and my son. I know my husband will not help me if we divorce. I got the papers today God has blessed me with a great job, good pay. I don't believe in giving up on a person but I do believe that you should not stay where you are not happy. I have my on time frame that my husband doesn't know about. If things go back to the way they were and financially I'm ready then I'm out. I have my son to consider, mortgage, utility bills, daycare, groceries, gas, clothes, etc. That's why I say the individual person has to know when it's time to let that man go. Of course this is my opinion. What works for me may not work for someone else.