i think i picked the rite one... hi kelly.. i'm a mother of one, but still kind of young so i can kinda see both sides of everything the mommy side and the kid.. i read about your son and i understand what you're going through and kinda whats going on with him..my dad never got sick or anything but, our relationship was an abusive one.. and it kinda carried to my adulthood.. with your son, he doesn't hate you, nothing is your fault. he's just starting out, and right now he's confused, hurt and angry cause he doesn't understand why everything has happend,and when kids start hitting the teen years it's a strange experience they're just learning about themselves, thy're trying to see who they really are.. and that's confusing and tough by itself. but when your faced with that and pain, it becomes very overwhelming. with my situation with my dad i was very closed off, angry, and i had alot of guilt.. i placed blame on myself for what was happening.. and i lashed out at my mom when she would ask me what was wrong, and it wasn't because i didn't love her, it was because i wanted to understand why things were the way they were, why do things happen like this.. what your son needs right now is more personal space, alot more than mom's like to give.. let him come to you, let him tell you whats wrong.. i mean if he looks too upset to the point where you should worry then ask.. but right now he needs space to understand and come to terms with things by himself. it's really hard to talk to your parents during that age, i don't know how to explain it. most of it is stubborness. but yea what i think would help your situation is try to find support groups of kids his age that have gone through it too, at a young age it's easier to talk to peers, try to get him into a counsler some one extra he can talk to,at first he'll hate both those ideas but after a couple of times going he'll start enjoying it.. he probly won't tell you and he'll still act like he hates it, but you will see a change that shows he's not as angry and alot happier..and honestly if you try both those avenues, i would try to ween him off the antidepressent. they can help but they harm a little more than they help, i was on one when i was young it made it hard for me to think, it clouded things more for me, and if i ran out i'd be a wreck.. it made my emotions uncontrolable, my thoughts impossible, i became dependent on it to be normal,i didn't like how i felt coming off them..but i felt human again when i did.. there's going to be alot of stuff coming up that you don't get, it sucks but there will be and the best thing to do is ask for advice, get support for yourself cause things can get rough everyone needs someone to talk to.. i don't know if this helps hopefully it does...