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| Parents of Teens |
| Public online group |
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Having teenagers can be an exhausting or exciting time.
When there is a heavy discussion with your child, do you find yourself raising your voice, or do you just stand not saying anything until the child stops? Or, are you the type that brings out the past and slams that right into their face? How do you communicate with your child(ren)? |
| Posted by esther on 07/29/2007 01:35 AM
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Before, when we would get into heated debates, I would raise my voice louder than my child. I would talk over him. He would ignore everything I would say or diss me. My voice gets louder ever time I get excited-so it comes across like I am shouting or yelling.
A lot of how I was communicating with my son, was how I was raised. Parents yelling and screaming at each other aside from being judgemental. I admit, I was at fault. Unfortunatly, it affected my son on how he communicated with me/us.
We had a discussion the other night. It felt good. Even though my son raised his voice and was getting agitated, we stayed neutral, and explained what we did and why. He didn't like it, but he listened to us. He eventually dropped his crap, and we were able to experience a quiet night in watching TV as a family.
With the different tonality in this house, we have not experienced any blowups. The house is peaceful. We play more games and we do things as a "family". |
| posted by esther on 07/29/2007 02:11 AM
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You know, Kellie, I have dealt with the same issue. I also tend to raise my voice when I get excited for the exact same reason. So, when I have to have a discussion when any of my sons (not just the teen) I give myself a small cooling period before I do so I can talk to them with a calmer voice. This seems to work for me most of the time. Another thing that has help me is to simply admit when I am wrong. My parents would never do that. I do it b/c I want my children to realize that just b/c we are adults that doesn't me we are free from making mistakes. I also feel that it shows them to always make right what you did wrong. When I do that, my boys tend to be more calm themselves.
What about the rest of you? |
| posted by Cassandra on 07/29/2007 09:19 AM
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Things are usually pretty calm around here when it comes to communication - it usually only gets as loud as our laughter. But with the new chore changes, I have raised my voice more than once, and to my horror, I've used a belittling tone of voice and cuss at one of them once. I never thought I'd see the day THAT happened!
My family of origin was very quiet. If any voice was raised, it was the whiny kid/teeanager (me). Both of parents always used well moderated voices. If things were getting out of control and needed to be brought to a stop, my dad would say, "Hey!" once, kind of loud, and give me the look that he meant business.
So now, I tend to keep a low voice and be respectful. My hubby does too because he was raised amongst shouting and beating and he didn't want to treat his kids that way.
But yelling and screaming or calm and cool there are just some things your child WON'T believe or go along with - it's not your fault, or a problem with how YOU communicate, and you just have to do the best you can and let nature and God take over from that point. |
| posted by Kelly on 07/29/2007 10:11 AM
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| I have been blessed because even though I grew up with parents that yelled constantly and did not really attempt a deep discussion with me I have taken that and used that to gain a better realtionship wiht my boys. My oldest is 13 adn he really does not talk back or yell. I have found myself starting to yell ad I back down. My husbadn is really good at calmly talking about things adn discussing things. We have developed good communication betwee us and my son. |
| posted by Desiree on 08/02/2007 12:03 PM
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| Since we changed our ways of communication, our house is so much peaceful. We all seem to get along better. The other day, my son asked us about spending some "family time" together. That was a major improvement. We all went swimming in the pool and enjoyed ice cream afterwards. |
| posted by esther on 08/04/2007 12:14 AM
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| HONESTLY I YELL ALOT. BUT I KNOW THAYS NOT RIGHT AND NOW I CALM DOWN. MY DAUGHTER TOLD ME THAT SHE DOSENT TELL ME ANYTHING CAUSE I YELL AND PANIC. BELEIVE ME I HAVE LEARNED THE WRONG WAY BUT I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO YELL AND LISTEN. BECAUSE TEENAGERS HAVE ALOT TO SAY. IF WE DONT LISTEN CALMLY THEY WILL TELL SOMEONE ELSE SO LISTEN TO THEM |
| posted by Elizabeth on 08/12/2007 07:44 PM
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