There is a popular hype going aroung: teen pregnancy. I hate it. I cannot stand to hear about it, talk about it, or think about it. Yet I do just about every single day. It hurts me deep inside to hear about each teen get pregnant. Maybe it's because I've been there and I'm living in the results every single day of my life and I know that their particular story could not go any better than mine. My case I think is particularly different. With a few key similiarities of course. I met my now husband 2 weeks before I was 16. We had sex on our second date. He was my first and is my only. I still cannot figure out why I chose him to do it with. Why I said it was okay not to use condoms. Why I stayed with a 23 year old against my family's will. Why I fell in love with him in 2 weeks and refused to separate from him. I guess the only reason is that I love him. A few months into it, it became apparant that my mother was on the verge of not letting us see eachother any more and I couldnt let that happen. So he talked to me about using protection saying a pregnancy wouldnt necessarily be bad, but it wasnt the right time. He wanted us to get married, get a house, me possibly start a carreer, etc. But we continued to go unprotected and it seems like that was the turning point in my life. A month later I became pregnant. At first I was a tiny bit nervous. I didn't understand what having a child meant. What hard work it was. How much strain it was on everyone involved. My mom cried. My sister was telling me to get an abortion. Her bf was pissed off. My brother wanted to beat the hell out of him. And me? I just wanted to be with him and have this baby. A week after we found out I was pregnant we married. It was a courthouse marriage but we said our vows in a church. The pregnancy was grueling. I couldnt finish school because morning sickness was so intense I could never so much as get out of bed until noon. I got my GED just before my 17th bday. And we got all the baby stuff with his income tax return. We never set any of it up. I lacked the energy and I guess he lacked the will. Looking back he wasnt a very good man. The only good things were that he could keep a job and loved me like crazy and would never ccheat on me. He treated me well. He still does. But i dont feel attracted to him anymore in any other way than he is who I chose to have a family with. He's my baby's father. He is our provider and support. And I guess thats what love is. When I had my baby I still had that naivety. And it was bliss for the next 6 months. I loved my baby and I didn't care what I looked like or how I felt. I never bought new clothing. I still wore the 3 pairs of maternity pants and 4 shirts. I never had my hair done. The roots were almost completely grown out. And my eyebrows were like a jungle. It became an occasional treat to have them waxed. I didn't get new clothes or my hair done until 2 weeks ago. My husband got a raise and promotion and we of course got our income tax in. Having a baby has been the most stressful thing I think will ever happen to me. I was the only one that woke up with her at night. I was the only one that changed her diapers. I was the only one that bathed her and exclusively breastfed her. I knew everything there was to know about a baby and then some. Sure he would take us to most of her doctors appointments and be there when we needed to buy stuff. Sometimes support me emotionally but whenever I had a serious concern for our relationship it was turned back around on me. Like I was the source of the problems. I never had time to clean or cook and I ate all the unhealthy foods. I lost all of my baby weight in 3 weeks but then gained it all back in 2 more. I got on Mirena birth control when she was 5 months and stayed on it a month. It was very painful and I was extremely moody and decided to get off it. I was never the same after. Maybe my husbands pay cut had something to do with it. But other than that I can see no explanation other than I was plain ol' depressed. I stayed the night with my mother on occasion and relied on her for a few things, and increasingly more in her 8-11th month. I tried to get medicine for depression but we couldnt afford the only kind I was willing to take so I decided to just wait and see if it got better. I loathed every minute I was alone. I felt so terrible and alone and I would cry a lot. When I was younger no one ever wanted to play with me because I was fat and ugly. In middle school everyone made fun of me. In high school I started to take care of myself but I was quiet and still over weight so no one would talk to me. I have been alone my entire life and when the first real guy came around, i latched on I guess. Does that count as real love? Or just desparity? I know it would benefit me to see a therapit, but at this point it seems kind of moot. I've grown up almost completely and felt an unreal amount of pain and suffered in so many ways. After my hubby's pay cut, a few months into it we couldnt pay all our bills. We were lucky if we had enough money to buy us enough food. Our baby had everything she needed though except for a stable mother. She had everything the baby market had to offer except bottles because she was still breastfed. I feel so bad that I missed out on so much because of my depression. I wish I would have gotten help. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. I had a dream the other night that I was holding my baby and driving the truck and it was on a cliff and I was trying to reverse but it would only go forward. I kept trying and trying, but it went forward and over the cliff. I thought "how fitting" I keep thinking about the past and what I wish would have happened but my life keeps going forward no matter what I do and I continue to miss out because of depression. If my mind is occupied, its not as bad. But when I have any free time to just dawdle, the simplest things frustrate and upset me. And I just want to be alone but i can't. I have not been out of the same roof as my baby ever. Not once. I don't trust anyone to babysit her. When i do something as simple as go to the restroom when I come out she's crying because no one was watching her close enough. My hormones are all over the place. Biologically I want another baby. Mentally I want a second chance. I want to do it right. But how can I do it right when nothing is right with my first child? How can I do it right when I'm so frustrated and upset with myself and my life that I could just explode? I think the real thing keeping me from getting help is my hubby. It just seems like he doesnt want me to. Its like he doesnt take me seriously. Or like it will be too expensive. We're moving to a new place on Wednesday and I'm going to use it as a new start for us. I have a diet and exercise regimen planned and a healthy diet for my baby. I plan to make and keep her life the way I wish it was from the start: happy healthy and fun. But I'm afraid without help, it wont last. I dont even feel like an 18 year old. Maybe I do. But mostly I feel like a 28 year old stuck in a young body with a handicap and no way out. I love my husband and cant see myself without him... I just don't know what to do. I need guidance...

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.

Kayla,

steroptype is stereotype. And those who chose to live with that they are a stereotype aswell. Be the better person and live in your own ways. Be proud to be different. Be proud to be young with your whole life ahead of you. Be proud to be conscience of everything that helps you see the differance. I had my first a week before my 19th beirthday, and the father was 32 when i met him, i was 17.
We all go through something.

You sound like you understand a lot, and that is what makes you unique. You have the desire to better yourself, and to learn. With that, you can avoid staying in the stereotype of a young women who was/is pregnant. The judgment you feel from that is only from people who are nieve(ny-eev). They are not people you need to worry about when it comes to what they think. Their judgment has them living in a life with corners and walls, imagine how restricted that leaves them. They must be so misserable. That is why they judge the world, to keep the attention off of their imperfections.

Be free, feel love, you are loved and lovable. Its ok to be young with a baby and a husband. I think its amazing he wants you to have a career. Sounds like he wants you to be happy. Even if you feel sad or negative, you just feel that way because of the shock. I feel hesitation from your blog. Perhaps you didn't meet the expectations that you feel your family has. Perhaps you feel judgment, but judgment that you assume, not that you've heard. Faces people make, that you assume they are thinking something about what you are or how you have become.

That is our negative chatter. That will crush us more than a comment from someone that we took the wrong way. You sound aware, you sound confused. Depression and negative chatter is like a demon in our body trying to manipulate us. When you give in to it, telling it its right, you allow it to be stronger, then it gets you that much easier next time, again and again, ... and again. Thats all it knows.

Be strong, feel powerful and allow your positive chatter to take over. I know its hard, but its possible, anything is possible when we let it happen and when we tell ourselves its possible. Stop right now, and tell yourself, "i'm ok, i made a mistake, but i am still here, and I love myself, and I want to help myself be happy".   Say that outloud. and message me how it went.