Hi everyone, I'm Amber.  I'm 21 years old- young mother to a 9 month old girl, Gabriella.  I am also five months pregnant with my second girl.  While I live with the babies father (my husband),  I feel as if I'm a single mother.  He does provide the money, he works and I don't, but as far as helping with the baby- that is a no go.  I hope I don't come off as a complainer, but this is getting depressing.  Baby things are not divided whatsoever, it is absolutely 100% on me.  I do all the diaper changing, bottle making, feeding, playing, teaching, bathing, doctors visits..you name it- he has honestly not even bathed her once, not even once.

As a young woman, I find this extra hard as I feel I have no time for me, no real time to pursue my dreams, such as college, and a hard time making friends ( I'm also new to the city ).

Any advice, suggestions, anything?!

Thanks,

-Amber

Hi Amber,

I am very familiar with ur situation, being that I was pregant back to back with my girls.  They're 14 mos. apart n my yungest is 16 mos. now.  Please, try and sit down and discuss this with ur husband.  First, express how grateful u are that he works to take care of ur famiy.  Then, say how you would appreciate his help around the house since u're new to the area n have no friends who can possibly help.  And also, that, it is hard and getting harder to manuever with ur daughter the further along u go in ur pregnancy.  And then, make a list of house chores and divy it up to things u can stand doing without straining urself.  For eg. pick dishes, sit on a kitchen stool if u have to.  I did, cos I was on bedrest, but I can't stand a messy kitchen.  If you prefer to do laundry, then ask him to fold the clothes and show him where u'd like them stored.  Add Gabriella's caretaking to the list as well.  Pick the things you can do, again, with ur safety n the baby's in mind.  Suggest him bathin her if u pick and lay out everything he'll need.  I liked to clean my own bottles.  If you want him to make bottles, lay everything out on your dining table and just a written measurement guide (formula scoops to equal water), if u want as well.  Suggest playtime together, when ur husband is around n not too tired.  So, after all the dividing is done, put it on a calendar or chore chart and mark who does what and stick it on the fridge, a general area for him to see.  Cos most men, choose to remember what they want to remember and pretty much want the easy way out of most things. Check out these links to give an idea on creating a chore chart customized to ur needs and print it.  Good luck, Amber and let me know what u decide.

http://organizedhome.com/printable/calendars

http://www.successfulfamilychores.com/Chore_Charts/FamilyChoreChart.pdf

http://www.chartjungle.com/chores/mainchart3.html

Hello Amber, and congratulations on you your new baby and pregnancy. I would agree with Ribena, and ask your husband nicely if he will help you, by writing out a list of chores or a or a chore chart. If we don't ask how will they know we need help, if we do everything ourselves they just think we can handle it. SO just say kindly can you please change the diaper or give the baby a bath, while I do ect, dishes or laundry. My man doesn't like to give baths to my girls, so I ask for help in other ways, he likes to do the vacuuming or the dishes. Plus get out of the house that will help, most library's have story-time, call yours to find out,it's free and a good way to meet other moms. Get out to the park, being in the house all day may make you crazy. Good luck .

I just wrote a pretty lengthy and detailed paragraph as a reply, but wasn't logged in so I don't think it's going to show up :-(

But the condensed version is, I took your advice and presented it to him without "bitching" as I normally had in the past.  We wrote down on a calendar our baby duty days and he'll scrub the bath tub for me and do other cleaning that requires the use of chemicals.

Thank you guys so much for your tips, it inspired my talk and success with the hubby-  lets hope it all follows through!