My son is a very energetic 4 1/2 year old.  He is currently enrolled in a private 4k program.  His teacher say's he is very smart, but has a hard time focussing, sitting still, and keeping his hands to himseelf.  She has suggested keeping my son in this private school for at least kindergarten or all the way up to fifth grade.  she say's he need's the one-on-one attention that he would not get in public school.  However, all of his friends are going to the public school and I do not want him to be the "different kid".  His teacher also suggested maybe holding him back because of his maturity level, and because he is one of the smallest kids.  His birthday is June first, so it would be possible.  I am very confused on what to do.

Well, have you had him tested for ADHD? He may need meds to help calm him down and let him focus.  If he doesn't have ADHD then I would hold him back a year, he's so young that he should deal with that easier than he would if you waited a few years.  My friends son who has ADHD and is on meds durring the week and off on weekends sounds like what you decribe your son....well before the meds.   I would get him tested.

Hi Heather,

Dont panic been their done that with my know 8yr. old.  When my son was 3 i put him into preschool he had all the same problems  that you have listed. He even got kicked out of preschool for not keeping his hands to himself. I did literally everything you could think of to get him help even took him to his Dr and had him tested for ADHD and came back that he did not have it.  So he went on to Kindergarden and still had the same problems still, so before the school year ended myself, my husband, and my sons teacher decided that it was best to hold him back another year thinking it would help, he still had the struggles and difficulties. So first grade came around after holding him another year in kindergarden. Same thing again in first grade I even put him in the Heart program they tuitor on reading and still my son is slow in reading. Know he is in 2nd grade and know I stay home with my son and I am seeing the difficultes he is really having so, long story short I went back to his doctor and demanded that they write  letter to the school Dr's orders my son be tested for a learning disabilty and know we are taking care of that in April. So just some advice dont wait as long as I did to figure out what was wrong with my son.  Hope that helped.  Natalie

Natalie that was something else I ment to add to my comment, learning disablitys is common for kids to act out too.  I was tested in 3rd grade and found out that I was just a bit slower than the other kids so I was put in special classes and I actually did very well in those classes.  I was way behind in reading and spelling but I just learned alot differently also.  I was in special classes from 3rd grade all the way to 12th grade...my parents also helped me with my reading and spelling with the hooked on phonics stuff.

I'm going through the same thing now with my 8 y.o. The school district mental health person watched him for 2 hrs and said "ADHD!!! Meds!!!!" I said "uh, boredom?" There are 32 kids in the classroom, and when the kids go from learning with manipulatives in K-2, to lecture based learning in 3d, you are going to lose a lot of the kinesthetic learners who need hands on learning. They will fidget, look around, talk, and basically demonstrate all of the same symptoms as ADHD. Do they have it? Maybe, but most likely they are just bored. Should we medicate to conform the child to the teacher's comfort? That's what gets me. They say we only have to give meds "during school hours, not at night, and not during the summer." Doesn't this sound like we're accommodating someone else? Plus, we have to deal with the crash at night when our chicklets come down off of the speed that we fed them during the day. Yikes! I think it's WAY better to adjust diet and try to teach our littles behaviour strategies. Medicating, particularly when we don't know the long term side effects, scares me.

Hi Heather,

Responding to your question of whether private school vs public school...my boys now 10 and 13 attend private school.  My youngest started in a public pre-school program mostly to receive speech therapy.  I switched him to the private school which he attends now when he entered kindergarten.  My oldest son was already in the private school.  To me what makes the difference between the two schools is the parent involvement.  I know all the parents of all the children in both my boys class.  We can discuss concerns freely with the teachers and even the principal.  It seems as if the leaders of their private school are not so bound by the state governing boards.  Yes, they use guidelines, however, my boys get the much needed physical exercise and breaks that I feel children need in order to focus in the classroom.  Our state has dismantled a lot of creative style programs, in the public system due to lack of state funding.  With smaller class size in the private schools, teachers are able to incorporate different learning styles in the classroom.  I feel that everyone benefits.  I will have to say, our school doesn't have all the high-tech learning facilities, but to me that doesn't matter.  It is the learning, loving, creative environment that has been worth every penny paid!  And btw..as for labeling him as the "different kid"....thank goodness for differences....individuality is what I stive for with my boys.  It gives them the right to think on their own, acceptance of themselves, and self-esteem to hopefully make it thru all the teenage peer-pressure.  "Different" can be used in a negative perspective or a positive one, it is your choice.    

Hi Heather,

Responding to your question of whether private school vs public school...my boys now 10 and 13 attend private school.  My youngest started in a public pre-school program mostly to receive speech therapy.  I switched him to the private school which he attends now when he entered kindergarten.  My oldest son was already in the private school.  To me what makes the difference between the two schools is the parent involvement.  I know all the parents of all the children in both my boys class.  We can discuss concerns freely with the teachers and even the principal.  It seems as if the leaders of their private school are not so bound by the state governing boards.  Yes, they use guidelines, however, my boys get the much needed physical exercise and breaks that I feel children need in order to focus in the classroom.  Our state has dismantled a lot of creative style programs, in the public system due to lack of state funding.  With smaller class size in the private schools, teachers are able to incorporate different learning styles in the classroom.  I feel that everyone benefits.  I will have to say, our school doesn't have all the high-tech learning facilities, but to me that doesn't matter.  It is the learning, loving, creative environment that has been worth every penny paid!  And btw..as for labeling him as the "different kid"....thank goodness for differences....individuality is what I stive for with my boys.  It gives them the right to think on their own, acceptance of themselves, and self-esteem to hopefully make it thru all the teenage peer-pressure.  "Different" can be used in a negative perspective or a positive one, it is your choice.    

Hi Heather,

Responding to your question of whether private school vs public school...my boys now 10 and 13 attend private school.  My youngest started in a public pre-school program mostly to receive speech therapy.  I switched him to the private school which he attends now when he entered kindergarten.  My oldest son was already in the private school.  To me what makes the difference between the two schools is the parent involvement.  I know all the parents of all the children in both my boys class.  We can discuss concerns freely with the teachers and even the principal.  It seems as if the leaders of their private school are not so bound by the state governing boards.  Yes, they use guidelines, however, my boys get the much needed physical exercise and breaks that I feel children need in order to focus in the classroom.  Our state has dismantled a lot of creative style programs, in the public system due to lack of state funding.  With smaller class size in the private schools, teachers are able to incorporate different learning styles in the classroom.  I feel that everyone benefits.  I will have to say, our school doesn't have all the high-tech learning facilities, but to me that doesn't matter.  It is the learning, loving, creative environment that has been worth every penny paid!  And btw..as for labeling him as the "different kid"....thank goodness for differences....individuality is what I stive for with my boys.  It gives them the right to think on their own, acceptance of themselves, and self-esteem to hopefully make it thru all the teenage peer-pressure.  "Different" can be used in a negative perspective or a positive one, it is your choice.    

Hi Heather,

I may have a little advise to your question and concern.

                                      I do understand some of the response of the other mothers, but it could be a variety of reason's why he is so hyper. He could be bored, he could want attention, or his class could be a little larger for him to handle etc. I understand your concern for him to move on with his friends because you dont want him to be left out, you probably dont want to hold him back because kids might make fun of him. But you also dont want to put him on medications because being as young as he is if he takes it when he gets older he can become addicted to those medications. Now if your comfortable with getting him tested to see if he has a (ADHD)-Attention deficiate hyperactive disorder or (ADD)- attention deficiate desorder. If he does you do not have to put him on medication, to help him to they have programs for him one is called (BIC)- Behavioral Improvement class, it's not specifically for just as its name states it's also to help kids to settle down and feel more comfortable. They still get the attention they need and they will still be in the grade level they are suppose to be in. I know these things because I have ADHD I was in BIC and I was on no medication when I was younger. So i'm telling you from experience it doesnt affect him in a negative way at all. I did farely well I'm a nurse now maybe he will becomr a doctor. But try this if you would like its up to you.