I need help or advise from other mothers who have dealt with a child who is a cutter and is very depressed.  I am a step-mom of a 14 year old who just recently cut herself pretty good and took some pills... I try to be an active parent in her life knowing that I really have to step back and let the parents deal with this.  It just breaks my heart to see this wonderful girl feel that life is so tough and that it would be better without her.  I dont know what I am suppose to be doing since I am only the step-mom and have no control over what happens to her... I just know that I love her deeply and would love to try to take her pain away.

Hi Kimi. I'm so sorry to hear about your hurting 14 yr old. It sure doesn't make it any easier even if you are the step-mom... it still hurts the same! I'm relieved to hear the concern in your post and glad that she has someone like you to love on her - even if you don't know exactly how to help. I disagree with the other post... I believe that teens have it much harder then we ever did. From today's technology to popping pills - the pressure is a daily non-stop event! The stuff my 14 year old tells me he deals with are by far much deeper and uglier then when I was his age! I just do my best to listen and try not to make every moment a "teaching moment/lecture." He opens up and talks much more when I listen! I don't know what advice to give you, but I think that you're already off to a good start by reaching out to other parents. I'm here for you and will be praying for your daughter. Again, I'm really, really glad she has someone like you to help guide her through these difficult times and that your not turning your back on what some parents would call "drama." I have a few adult friends who were cutters as teens/young adults and their personal stories really touched my heart.

Hang in there, Kimi. Let me know if I can do anything else to help.

Stacy

Wow Kimi, we all see it on television and news documetaries, but few of us actually have to deal with such difficult issues like this. I cannot even imagine what you must be going through! I do know that as a teen I went through a period my sophomore year where I tried to run away from home a couple of times and then I told my mother I didn't want to live the way I was anymore. My mother took me straight to one of the local hospitals where I spoke with a doctor. They admitted me right then and there for at least a week, maybe it was two. During the time I was in the hospital I got a lot of help dealing with the emotions and things I couldn't handle otherwise. I was separated from my friends and family and given one on one as well as group therapy. I also did schoolwork during the day and spent a lot of time with my roomate.

The reason I share that story is because I think too many people blow things off as teen angst and whatnot. I may have been ok without the intervention, I might not have. What I gained were coping skills that I carry with me through life today. I was also a high school teacher the past decade and I had students who were doing all sorts of things to themselves such as cutting and taking pills. Often it had absolutely nothing to do with their parents or family. It may have been because a boyfriend dumped them or someone was bullying them. So many people are afraid that the outside world will blame them. Or they just don't know where to go or what to do.

Your step-daughter is crying out for help, even if she doesn't openly admit it. The fact that she allowed you to see her cutting herself screams "I want help." If she hadn't wanted you to see it, believe me, yoou wouldn't have. Just because you are a step-parent does not mean you are not an integral part of her life. You have every right to be involved. I guess the best you can do is offer her love, encouragement, and support, which you already are. I would also strongly push for professional help for the girl and entire family if it is not already happening. You need to be a part of it too, and you all need to learn how to cope with this.

Best of luck. YOu will be in my thoughts.

thank you very much for all of your messages.... I have finally gotten to see my stepdaughter a week after her incident.  she is back on antidepressants but i am not sure if she quit cutting.  i have not found any bloody rags anywhere so I am hoping she is trying to control it.  she says it is very hard to control.. it was nice cause we did spend some time talking about everything and even her incident.  it is amazing how much they open up when you dont ask and just listen.  you want so much to be able to help but i guess they are the ones who really need to do the work.  i just hope that her mother finally sees how hurt this girl is and will take her to all her therapy appointments and makes sure that she stays up on her medication.  i have also started therapy just to find out how to help her and our family.  it is going to be a long battel but i am willing to fight.  thanks again for all your messages.