I'm Brittany and I'm a single mom of a beautiful 8 month old daughter. I have been doing it alone since the very start. Her father bailed out on me when I was 3 months pregnant. Though we still talk, he has not supported her financially or cared about spending time with her.

It's hard just cutting him off because he helped me create the love of my life!

Has anyone else been a single mom from the very beginning? I feel alone! I see all of my friends with their husbands and boyfriends and they don't realize how fortunate they are to have that support.

It just makes me really sad and I struggle with it still.

After I had my daughter I was diagnosed with PPD and hypothyroidism. It has been an uphill battle.

Hi, reading your post reminds me so much of my situation. I'm just about 5months pregnant and my boyfriend left me about a month ago. Its very upsetting and I am having a big struggle with all of it, he will not talk to me and I have tried on more than one occassion, all he wants to do is continue to hurt me. I never saw it coming and the baby was planned. He is forty and I am thirty so we are not young. I am at a loss I dont know what to do now. All I do know is I have to move forward without him and prepare for my baby, I dont believe my ex and I will ever talk and its better for me and baby to stay away from him until he gets help if he ever does. I think I could use the support just as you could so if you would like to chat I am here.

Hi, I am the mother of a 3 month old daughter who I love and adore.  I am in the same situation that you are with the exception that me and her father don't really talk because he hasn't shown any interests in getting to know anything about his daughter or spending any time with her and he has just recently offered support but only if we don't go through the court system.  Of course I did not agree because we don't get along and he has not been helpful or honest with me since he found out I was pregnant and planned to keep the baby.

It is a struggle because you see what a wonderful child you have and you wonder how can anyone not love them as much as you do, but I just keep thinking that it is his lost and one day he may realize that but it may be too late, and oh well for him.  I don't want to miss out on anything so I just have to forget about him and do the best that I can for her and make sure she is surrounded by love and a great support system. 

You are not alone.  So if you would like to chat please let me know.  I really do know how you feel.

hey girl. you're not alone! my daughter's biological father and i never even knew each other. i was traveling alone in california, and being a naive kentucky girl, was tricked into going to a house where i was technically raped. and got out of there fast never to see him again (not that i would want to!!). when i found out i was pregnant 3 weeks later i freaked out and even considered abortion.

but now my daughter is 19 months old, i am still single, but i have never been happier! she is the LOVE of my life! and she is teaching me things about myself and about life every day. it makes me realize that what can seem like the worst of situations that turn your life upside down, can turn out to be exactly what you need!

and i'm extremely thankful that the man who got me pregnant is NOT in the picture. i see girls who's baby daddies are sorta-kinda in the picture, maybe only because of the child. and that makes things so hard. because i can see how you would want your child's father to be in their lives and you want someone to help you out. (i did have a boyfriend for a year and we just broke up, and i saw him being a father to her, so i can relate). but in all honesty, WE DON'T NEED THEM!

the bond between mother and child is irreplaceable. if your baby's "father" doesn't really want to be a father, the best thing for everyone is to not try to make him be one. when you learn to accept that it's just the 2 of you, it is an invigorating, wonderful, empowering feeling! and letting go of the need for another parent allows you to focus all of your energy on giving all of your love to and bonding with your child. and in my case, that gave me more confidence in myself. and when you have that confidence and happiness, it doesn't matter to you whether or not that "right" guy comes along, but it's a win-win, because it's then that i think he is more likely to! ; )

Brittany,

Hello, I'm a single dad raising two amazing daughters on my own. My exwife left me and our girls for another man. It was awful, and I felt so lonely.. I had lost my sense of value and self worth..Talk about depressed.. I was in terrible shape..

Well, I'm not great now.. but I'm better..

Looking back I can see now that I was able to fullfill my responsibilities to my girls. I was there for them when the were hurt or sad, and to cheer for them at each success. Those are moments I treasure... Moments you can never get back.

Have faith, and make decisions in the best interest of your child. It will all pay-off in the end, of that I am supremely confident.

It's really hard being alone, and yeah it's tough seeing all the married couples.. For me it's especially tough..The dad's don't like being around a guy that does so much.. (suspect it makes them feel like they aren't doing enough)... I'm always the lone dad at girl scouts, and the like.. so it seems everything is a little awkward...

The biggest mistake I see people make around me is jumping too fast into a relationship. Take your time, focus on you and your child.. Build yourself up before you try to add anyone into your life..

P.S.

If the dad doesn't want to be involved, you can't force that. Though I would reccomend you seek a judgement against him for child support. The child should not have to suffer...

Not being involved will be the biggest mistake of the dad's life.. you can take that to the bank! He will recognize it one day...

Bring people into your life that build you up and help you grow..

Dan

Hi Brittany,

As you can see, you are not alone. It even helps me to read all of your replies, b/c I see that I am not alone either. It is so easy to think you are the only one going through this terrible thing. You're not and even I need to remind myself of that too sometimes.

Though my husband didn't leave while I was pregnant, I found out he was having an affair less than 1 year after my son was born and less than six months after I had brain surgery to remove a tumor that was discovered when I was 39 weeks pregnant. I'm assuming that we all here can sense a pattern - that some people can step up to the plate and take on the challenges of life and some people can't. It sounds like your boyfriend was someone who can't. And though it's hard, I know, you will become a very strong woman and your daughter will see this and hold respect for you and not her father. Hopefully he will see his mistake one day. Maybe he won't. But in order to move on you need not worry about him. He's obviously a jerk.

My ex pays more than his share financially (out of guilt) and spends a decent amount of time with my son, however, it's been very difficult to even look at his face and talk to him as much as I have to b/c my son is only 2 1/2 and is too young to walk out to his car himself or answer the phone himself. I am looking forward to those days. Like Dan said, I'm not great, but I'm better than I was. Being a single parent is haaaard work. Like you I always look at families and think the same things you do. I hate it. But one day I will find someone who is the kind of person who is not afraid to step up to the plate and if you put you and your daughter first, you will too.

Go after your daughter's father for child support. Go after him good.There are tougher laws now for deadbeat dads. Get yourself a lawyer if you can afford one. They are VERY helpful if you find a decent one.

I hope everyones' responses have helped you and I am also here if you'd like to chat.

All the best,

Lisa

I just joined this group and am already glad I did so.

I am the proud mother of a beautiful, bright, well-adjusted and HAPPY 10 year old daughter. 

We too have had zero involvement from her father past the age of 6 months.  No financial support, or anything else.  But as many have said, it is his loss.

There are three things I want to say:

First, you can do it.  It may get tough, but hang in there, we are a species that survives.  Ask your family and friends for help when you need it.  Look for local assistance if any exists.

Second, never feel sorry for your child.  A parent that can walk away... they are the one with problems.  I have never once said to my daughter, "I'm so sorry he is not here for you", and I have never once heard her say 'poor me', or anything of the sort.  She knows it is HE that made the bad choices, and her self-esteem is thriving.  Be honest so your child will always be able to trust you.

Third, I can tell you that what you will end up with is an amazing relationship with your child, the love of your life... and you will be the love of their life.  I cannot imagine a closer, more loving relationship. 

One healthy, strong parental relationship is, sadly, more than a lot of children receive.  So keep your chin up and JUST DO IT, you are lucky to have the opportunity to give it a go.  Good luck!!

Hi Brittany,

When I was nine weeks pregnant I found myself in a nightmarish situation with my ex. I had to take legal precautions to insure my safety and that of my unborn child. I also had to leave a whole life behind and relocate when she was born. I am now raising a child with the help of my mother and grandmother, but no father for my daughter. Which is not ideal but it is the best I can do for her to insure her safety. At times I feel alone not just because he is not in the picture but also because I am getting used to a whole new life and have no friends yet where I am at. Since at the present time I am staying with relatives I have no privacy or independence but I look forward to better days. I am also looking to connect with other single moms that can understand my unique circumstances. Just want you to know that you have an empathetic ear.

Hi,

My name is Meike, I like you have been a single parent from the start.  My daughter will be 2 in Sept. Although her father is involved in her life he has stopped giving me the little bit of money I asked for, to pay for daycare.  When I was 6 months pregnant he decided to start dating someone else.  I know how you feel watching everyone with their husbands and 'happy' families.  It is definitely difficult to watch others.