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| Stay at Home Moms |
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| My husband and I are buying a house. I am the last of 5 kids. I guess I am like the black sheep of the family. Anyways they don't get me and are not very supportive. That is why I moved 5 states away. Anyways all of them except two are telling me the way I am going about to buy my house is not right. My honey and I are pulling out money from our 401K, yes it my not be right for some but for us it works. Plus I have already made my decision and it is done. I want to be close to my family but I always get let down by the way they treat me. My husband tells me that is just how they are but I have this sick dream and I always do it to myself I guess. Anyways I just don't get why they think they have to tell me everything to do. Other people in the family has screwed up worse than me and they support them. But me, no they have to gosip to each other about me and tell me everything I am doing wrong. I don't know why they just can't say congratuations and keep their mouth shut. Ok guys I am so sorry to lay this on you, but I feel so fed up with my family and their lack of support for me. I am always the one who has to make the effort. I have to call them, visit them, and tell them what is going on with me. My parents don't even come to visit. They go to visit my sibling because they all live close to each other. I don't get it what is so wrong with me that they don't come? |
| Posted by Karolyn on 07/23/2007 10:56 AM
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| uh yeah! My mom and I get along so much better that she is several states away!!! I don't think I could tolerate her if she were near me. Good luck and congrats on the new house purchase! |
| posted by iluvmy3kidz on 07/23/2007 11:02 AM
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Karolyn,
I think that families are meant to drive us crazy! If they didn't something would be wrong! HA-HA! But on a serious note, you are a grown woman with a family of your own and you can make your own decisions. They need to stop telling you what to do. You can live your own life and they need to realize that the decisions you make have nothing to do with them. You need to do what makes you happy. If they can't deal with that then maybe you shouldn't make the effort anymore. That may seem harsh, but a person can only take so much. Stop making the phone calls and visits and let them put in some effort! It goes both ways. Good luck and if you need to vent let me know b/c I have a crazy family too! |
| posted by Jamie on 07/23/2007 11:05 AM
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| My husband and I moved just 3 hours away from our families and they would never even think of driving all this way either. When my daughter was born she was in the hospital for the first 2 1/2 weeks and do you think anyone came for moral support? No way! And now we have to make the trips to see them for visits and we're the ones having to travel with an infant. And all we get is guilt trips about not living closer. Believe me I know how you feel and it does suck! I guess family assumes when you move away you are the one that has to make the effort to visit because they all live in the same place. So we visit when WE feel like it and not when they tell us too and they just have to deal with that. |
| posted by patty on 07/23/2007 11:38 AM
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Karolyn, I know how you feel. My family has changed since my son was born. I am the youngest of 7 and feel the need to prove my ability to make my own decisions. The bottom line is they need to respect your decisions, even if they don't agree with you. Tell them that, and if they don't stop, don't call or visit as often. I'm not saying cut ties, but just don't subject yourself to their scrutiny more than you have to. I have a family member who screwed up Big Time, and everyone hardly batted an eye. But everyone notices my little mistakes. My husband and I moved, and we are less than an hour away, but we may as well be in Siberia for how often people come over or even call.
It hurts when you can't rely on people who you thought would be there for you, but don't try to win their approval, just do what is right for you and your family. Good luck. |
| posted by Marcia on 07/23/2007 11:54 AM
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| Know how you feel. My husband and I lived in another state 18 hrs away when we got married and had a 1st child. After he was born we decided to move closer so both sets of grandparents could be around their grandchildren. Now we live 30 minutes away and they still don't come to visit and say we are too far away. We are learning yo can't please everyone and should not have to. You are an adult and good or bad have to make your own decisions. Sometimes we just have to detach the "apron strings" and live. Then pray they get a clue. |
| posted by Ren on 07/23/2007 12:58 PM
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it was nice to see that my family isn't the only one that puts the fun in dysfunctional. My mom has never approved of me or my life. She didn't even come to see me graduate from college, even though I invited her. She has never even seen my son (her grandson) or my husband, even though I have flown once and driven once from Virginia to Texas.
I totally get it, Karolyn. I'm not sure what I do wrong either. I am going to counseling and I recommend you do the same. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves and our expectations. Good luck hun...If you ever need to vent we can swap bad family stories |
| posted by Elizabeth on 07/23/2007 01:57 PM
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Did it ever occur to you ladies that it isn't "what you have done wrong" but more importantly, "what you have done right"?
You will never satisfy everyone, so please take time to acknowledge the things in your life that are healthy and positive, such as your spouse and children and focus all of your attention on them. Some times our extended family members actually are disappointed when we do well, and don't have the courage to admit it to themselves, that we don't need them to do it. (Such as the lady whose mother wouldn't come to her graduation)
These are all reasons why we are to "leave and cleave" to our new families and communities. |
| posted by Tina on 07/23/2007 02:54 PM
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| im the middle kid and back in the day my dad would always talk to the other and never really talk to me now that i live the lose to my dad he calls me every day ,,,,,,, |
| posted by jodi on 07/23/2007 03:05 PM
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| Thank you ladies for all the advice, I really nedded a listening ear. I guess I just wished my family was closer. I mean when you really, really need them they are there so I am lucky with that. But sometimes it's the daily things. I don't want their approval, I just want their love. I love my life and I am so excited and I want to tell them but I just think they are different from me. Thanks again for all your love and support. |
| posted by Karolyn on 07/23/2007 03:08 PM
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| nicely put Tina!! |
| posted by Jamie on 07/24/2007 10:09 AM
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