Hi Laura! MY name is Gina and I'm a stressed out mom sometimes too, I'm also a Clinical Psychologist who helps lots of gals like us!! The first thing you need to know is that you do not have to play mom and dad. Just be yourself, mom, and give yourself alot of grace. You don't have to be the perfect mom, you are the mom god chose for your children, and He knew you were going to be working full time. Find what routine or lessening of a routine makes YOU feel calmest/least stressed. Your kids will be more relaxed when you are. That's the biggest gift you can give your kids and yourself. Less expectations and more time to enjoy your family time. Plan at least one or more days per week that you don't cook or cook simply...like eggs and pancakes, mac and cheese, soup and grilled cheese for dinner. Less clean up the better. Take at least 15 minutes to enter into your children's lives...just listen, watch them, do something they want to do or play for just 15 minutes. That will help you connect with what you may have forgotten was really enjoyable about your children. They will feel connected and act out less. Try to not divide your time between them and chores. NOt doing several things at one time. I know that's a really hard one! But when you try to do that, you give a spec of attention to each person or thing and get little really done...and...you feel more stressed out. It's way easier to give your kids attention when you put down the cooking, laundry and phone and just turn all your attention to them for that few minutes. It also helps them learn to give you time to pay full attention to what you have to do while they wait. They will wait more patiently if they know they will have your undivided attention. Lastly, if you are really harboring a lsting/building resentment toward your husband for working nights, you need to talk about it....calmly...and really pray and see if there is any variations in scheduling that can be made, or to simply renew your teamwork. Even if your husband works 40hrs. at night he has the same amount of time off of work that you do and he can do just as many chores as you are able to, if not more since you have the kids home with you during your off hours. He might be able to take the kids to school, make lunches, grocery shop, run errands. Give him the space to pick up some slack instead of doing everything because he isn't. Don't be quick to pick up those chores if he is slow on the go in getting the idea that he is a paartner in this marriage and has responsibilities to his family and homelife that go beyond earning a paycheck. Give him the opportunity, too, to do things less competently or simply in a different way than you would. Hope this helps! God bless! Gina |
