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| First Time Moms |
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I need some help. My mother in law keeps pushing the issue of babysitting my son, however everytime he sees her he cries, I dont want to hurt her feelings, but until he can stop crying when ever she is around I dont want to leave him with her. Not to mention the one time she babysat for my sister in law her daughter cried the whole time and she didn't even bother to call her and tell her that she couldn't get her to calm down, so my niece cried for over two hours. I just cant do that to my son, but she wont stop pushing the issue. Help!!!!
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| Posted by Christy on 07/20/2007 10:44 PM
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Well, this is a very delicate situation. I guess it depends on how your mil will react to you telling her the truth. You can tell the truth but in a nice way. You can ask her to call you if she has any problems with your son, ie crying a lot.
My mil used to get mad if we didn't ride with them everywhere (they don't always leave when we need to) and I just made it all about my son. Maybe you could say that you want your son to get to know other people besides family. Or arrange another sitter and when she asks why not her make up an excuse, for example I didn't want to bother you.
Ultimately you probably know what you wanna do. I wish you luck. In laws can be tough, but they love us because their child loves us :o ) |
| posted by Elizabeth on 07/21/2007 08:43 AM
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| How did your sister in law handle the situation? How does your husband feel about the situation? Does he know what is going on? If so, how did he say to handle it? Regarding my in-laws, I check with my husband to see how I should ask/tell my in-laws something. He knows them best. I'm also a big advocate for blunt honesty. You can try and continue to come up with excuses, but at some point you're not going to be able to and then you may just end up hurting your mil's feelings by not explaining your concerns earlier. Of course, that depends on whether you have the mil from hell. :) |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/21/2007 09:21 AM
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I ran this issue by my husband to see what he would say if it was happening to us and he asked a good question....why does your son cry when your mil is around? Is it something obvious that can be fixed?
I also stand by the point of just telling her about this. Yeah, she may get her feelings hurt or she may not talk to you for awhile, but the longer you wait to talk to her, the more hurt she may get. |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/21/2007 09:26 AM
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Maybe you can try her to babysit with you in the house. Tell her that you want to make sure he is confortable with her. If he cries for more than 2 minutes she is fired as a babysitter!
Vero |
| posted by Vero on 07/21/2007 09:51 AM
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Christy,
Fortunately I have wonderful inlaws who my son loves going to see. But I think it maybe that your son is at that age where he doesn't want to leave you (seperation anxiety). Try leaving him with her just to run quick to the drug store or something like that. Let her know that you want her to call you if he's crying longer than a few minutes. Make sure you're back in a half hour and see how that goes. If that goes well, leave a little longer each time. I couldn't understand not wanting to leave your child with someone who you don't feel comfortable with, but she will always be your mother in law and she's not going anywhere. Only leave him if and when YOU and the baby are comfortable, you can say you're not ready to leave him with anyone yet too. In the end, You're the mother and will know when its right to leave him.
Good Luck. |
| posted by Stacy on 07/21/2007 10:14 AM
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| Thanks for the advice, I am not sure why my son cries when she is there because he doesn't do that with anyone else and I have a huge family, he is always around other people. As for what my sister in law did, she said that she wont let her babysit anymore, she has the same issue with her daughter crying with my mil anytime she is around. The other issue I have is that my mil in law believes that I should just let the baby cry and he will get over, I however dont I raised differently, coming from a family with three other sisters and I am the oldest anytime we needed my mom she was there and I believe that is why we are so close. As for my husband he understands how I feel, and tells me it is up to me when to let her babysit. |
| posted by Christy on 07/21/2007 11:45 AM
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| This lady that we know has offered to babysit my son before and she has the same philosophy about just letting a child cry until they get over it, that is also why she has never kept my son, I would never let her, I don't tell her that I just have never called her for the favor. She has four kids, all grown and she is in her 60's I just think she is from the old school. You do what makes you comfortable bcause if you don't you won't be comfortable in what ever you are doing if you leave him with her. That's how I look at it anyway, maybe when he is older. Also my grandmother had that affect on kids, not to be mean but she isn't really a kids person and I think kids can sense that. |
| posted by amy on 07/21/2007 05:50 PM
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