Hi there,

My name is Tara and I'm in a mentally and emotionally difficult marriage, thought this group might have some insight and a listening ear.

Thanks!

hi tara,

I am in the same situation, although I am not married to him.  Before my son was born there was physical abuse, but since his birth there has been none, now it is just emotional and mental abuse, like u.  I am very close to leaving right now, I just haven't worked up the courage yet...I figure that if his attitude does not change by my birthday, which is march, he will not see his son, or be involved with him - I could go to court over it - he has been physically and mentally abusive for 8 years, I don't know why I stay.  He left before I found out that I was pregnant (I knew, but hadn't confirmed it at the doctors), I regret letting him come back everyday.  My son is also exposed to his "fits" - I fear that he will act like him.  I guess that I feel differently now that I've had a child, before I didn't have to care about anyone else getting hurt by him but me. 
Just venting here, on halloween he came home from work, demanded that I come pick him up 2 towns over, left my son and I sitting in the car for over half an hour BEFORE he decided to show up - got mad at me for being mad at him! and refused to take our son trick-or-treating.  We had more fun without him anyways, but that was just LOW.

angela

I can relate too. Im not married, but we've been together 6 yrs, and we have four children. It used to be A LOT worse than it is now. It only got semi-physical once, but its always verbal/emotional. He's called me every name in the book, but right now its the best its ever been. I have left him several times, and when we're not living with him, he wants to be with us all the time and tells me he'll do whatever it takes to get us back. I cant really say exactly what has helped us, but I think just the idea of really losing us is a big part of it. Also, he is 31 now, so hopefully maturity is part of it as well, but he still acts childish sometimes. I have ALWAYS communicated to him what my wants/needs are in the relationship and with the kids. He hasnt always listened and that has been a major problem for us. He was still going out whenever he wanted and just didnt help me much, and I felt like I was walking on egg shells everytime I wanted to talk about how I felt. But, he has changed a lot. Dont get me wrong- we still have a long road ahead of us as well, and I still dont know if we will make it in the long run, because we have so many differences and he still isnt the guy I saw myself being with and having a family with. I just try my hardest to make due with what we have right now, which is way better than what it was 2-3 yrs ago.

I know this is getting long, but I also wanted to mention that we have 2 boys and 2 girls, and I KNOW that the yelling and fighting they have witnessed or heard has affected them. I am working very hard right now to correct the behavior they have learned, and they are only 3,4 and 5yrs old. It is mostly attitude problems and being hateful towards eachother, but Im sure that is something they learned from us. So, please if you have small children who witness the verbal and/or physical abuse, try to get out if he's not changing or getting any better. It does impact the children as well.

I hope this helped you in some way. Just know, that you're not alone.