I am having a problem with my in-laws currently. Over the last couple of years they have made it very difficult to visit them (they live in Michigan and I live in Maryland). My husband is a contractor, so he doesn't get much time off (actually doesn't have any vacation days unless we budget for them) and they are retirees. Every time we plan a trip, they call the day before we're supposed to fly out (sometimes hours before we fly out) and change crucial plans on us. They've called and said that they don't have a crib for my son to sleep in and sometimes that they never made arrangements with the extended family (where we need to stay when we visit since the extended family is saving us about six hours in the car when we get off the airplane). Every trip we've tried to make, it seems like they are trying to sabotoge. Then they came to visit a couple of weeks ago along with my sister-in-law and they were suddenly very demanding. I have a guest room with a double bed and I had borrowed a twin mattress from my mom to accomodate them. They wanted me to return the twin mattress back to my parents' house and bring them a double mattress, so they could sleep on the floor and my sister-in-law could have her own room. I told them no way! My mother-in-law insisted that we go outlet mall shopping every day she was here (sometimes with me driving her for hours at a time to reach the nearest outlet mall). She spent no quality time with my son who she hasn't seen in eight months. They also complained about whatever food I was cooking for dinner. This is usually not the case and I am starting to think they resent the fact that we haven't been up to visit recently. Now that Thanksgiving is approaching, I am starting to worry about making plans to visit. Every time we make plans we lose boatloads of money when they drop the ball at the last minute. Since we are a one-income family, it is very hard on us financially. I really feel since they are retired and my husband doesn't get vacation, they should come visit us.  What should I do?

Stay home with your hubby,and son and make happy memories. Life is too short to waste your energy on people who suck the life out of you :0)

Good luck,

Helene

Make your husband deal with them.  They're his parents, and he needs to be the one to let them know how their actions are affecting your family.  If he won't, then tell him that you won't go, and if they want to come out to visit, that they can find a hotel/motel to stay in, since the accomodations that you had previously offered were not appreciated and you would be hard pressed not to say something rude to them in response if it were to happen again.

The fact is that words, once spoken, can not be taken back.  So, whatever the decision is, you need to bite your tongue as much as possible.

When we travel, we rent our own car, and get a room somewhere else.  That way I know that I have a nice bed, and my own bathroom.  Plus, you have somewhere to get away to if you need to get away from the family for a while.  On a single income, I can see that isn't always a possibility. 

The only other solution is maybe you have other friends or family that live near his parents?  Contact them directly for a place to stay, etc. rather than having the in-laws do it for you.  That way you know for sure what is going on. 

Oh, and don't forget to be Thankful!  ;-)

Stay home and have a nice family holiday season and don't feel like you have to spend every vacation going to see them (the planes go both ways). I understand what you mean about them not getting to see your son that often, I get the same thing from my in-laws, but don't feel guilty about not wanting to go sometimes. And I agree you should have your husband tell them why you might not be going.

The most important thing is that you and your husband agree with what you plan so that when they ask why you aren't coming to see them neither one of you feels presured to change your mind.

Good luck and I hope you can work something out.

I agree. You should write them off and concentrate on your own life.

It sounds like you have a wonderful family who would benefit greatly by a nice quiet holiday season - not wasting time stressing out. Don't worry too much about the in-law-holiday guilt, it's not real.

You enjoy your holiday for once!! Life's too short to worry about stuff that doesn't matter.

Thanks for all the advice! It really is hard on me considering my dad's family (after a messy divorce) stopped contacting me and my sister. I know what it's like to grow up without extended family in my life. On the other hand, I think the stress of my husband's family has started to affect my health and well-being. I think this year we will be spending Thanksgiving here at home. Thanks!!

I agree with what everyone else has advised you. Why expose yourself and your family to all that negativity. I got frustrated with your mother-in-law just reading your original email. I can't even imagine spending money and making any kind of effort to subject my family to that. No one needs that stress. I'm glad you've decided to stay home for Thanksgiving. How does your husband feel about it, being that they're his parents? Have a wonderful and HAPPY Thankgiving with your family who love and appreciate you!!! :-)

My husband was actually pretty dissapointed in his parents' behavior when they came to visit. The funny thing about my mother-in-law is that she is a completely different person on the phone (considerate and genuinely seems interested in what's going on in our lives) but when she comes to visit, she is like a totally different person.

Then it sounds like maybe the relationship is best left to communication over the phone! Life's too short to spend time around people who bring you down.