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| Depression and Motherhood |
| Public online group |
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| Hi everyone, My name is Becky, and i have 2 boys, one is almost 3 and one is 10 months.....I had PPD with my youngest. It was a HORRIBLE pregnancy. we found out i was pregnant, and then my husband deployed overseas, so i was left by myself for the whole thing with a toddler to take care of. I DONT recommend anyone doing this!! =) i had the world's worst morning sickness that lasted all day everyday for 21 weeks. was in the hospital a couple of times for severe dehydration and low blood pressure. then i started preterm labor at 24 weeks and was on and off bedrest and in and out of the hospital 3-4 times. My second son arrived 1 month early, much to my relief that the torture would be over! and i tried to breast feed, but with all the extra hormones and the stressful pregnancy, i got severe PPD. when he was a week old, i didn't even want to touch him, go near him, see him. nothing. I felt horrible. I felt like as a mother, youre supposed to enjoy your baby, not loathe him, you know? so i told my doctor, she sent me to a therapist, and put me on zoloft. but i had to get off the zoloft because it started to give me siezures! so i had to suffer through PPD all by myself, raise a toddler, take care of a newborn all without meds.......which i DONT recommend that either! =) my husband didn't come home until second son was 9 months old, right about the time my PPD was lifting! typical right? man, there were some really dark days too. you always watch the news and think, how could that mom kill her children? oh, i know how she could have.....and she wouldnt have wanted to, but she wouldnt have been able to control her rage........you know? there were some days that my rage was so bad, that i would sit outside...for hours, i would put the kids in a safe place, with a baby-sitter or with friends, and i would just go sit somewhere. because if i talked to anyone or interacted in anyway, someone was going to die.....I prayed every second of everyday that God would place angels around my children to keep me from hurting them. and He did, because they are still here, and so am I....but no more kids for me! |
| Posted by Becky on 07/19/2007 02:56 PM
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Hi Becky, first and foremost I totally understand exactly how your PPD was for you because my PPD was almost identical. I couldn't understand what the heck was happening to me. I couldn't figure out how GOD could give me 2 babies at once and I not have any happy feelings for them. All I wanted to do was to avoid them at all cost. But what was wierd was, thinking back, as much as I wanted to be "AWAY" from them that is how much I wanted them near me. I couldn't bear to be with them nor could I bear to be away from them. That was really confusing to me. I made the same decision as well, no more kids for me either. I am going in for the Essure proceedure on August 10th to prevent any further pregnancies as well as alleviate the fear of having a "little accident" turn into a huge one. I needed to seek help for my PPD immediately but I didn't get any help for 6 weeks. I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling until my 6 week post partum exam and then all I could do was to sit there and cry and cry and cry some more. I think I cried for about an hour and a half straight and it was still difficult to put my feelings into words that the dr could understand. I have to say, after getting help things started looking up for me. It was a very slow process but it finally happened. Today I suffer from Severe Depressive Disorder and that is difficult enough for me. I have some good days and some bad ones as well. I couldn't imagine getting pregnant and going through that horrible stuff all over again and that is why I am having the Essure (Permanent birth control) done.. I have twin boys and that is good enough for me. :)
Hugs,
Jeanne
If you are thinking about permanent birth control, check out www.essure.com |
| posted by Jeanne on 07/21/2007 04:33 PM
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