|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
I have to ask, is anyone else's significant other having trouble coping with fatherhood? My husband, Jesse, is having a difficult time and I'm not sure if it's just him or if there are others who have had the same problem.
Whenever our son, Ian, cries, it's always me who has to go comfort him, change him, feed him, entertain him. He will try and entertain our son, but the moment Ian starts to get fussy, back to mama he goes. Jesse doesn't know how to handle Ian's crying or what to do when he gets fussy. Is anyone else having the same problems? |
| Posted by Jaxon on 07/16/2007 10:49 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| I know exactly what you are going through. My husband is the same way and I am not sure what to do, it gets a little frustrating. Everytime the baby starts to cry or get fuss I try and make a suggestion to help but he takes it as though I am in a way telling him he is a bad parent which is obviously not my intention at all. I know that my husband gets upset because feels like he cant care for him the right way or the way "mom" can and so he gets upset. I just keep hoping that in time as my son gets older and he can tell us what he wants things will get easier. Trust me you are not the only one going through this. |
| posted by Christy on 07/16/2007 11:20 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| My husband was exactly the same way. It really bothered me b/c I couldn't understand what was going on. My daughter is now 18 months old and the problem is completely gone! I think men are just a little insecure at the beginning b/c they don't know what they are doing. Now if Natalie cries, he wants to hold her and comfort her. It is just a phase they go through and things will get better! Good luck! |
| posted by Jamie on 07/17/2007 08:10 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| yep it's called chauvenism. women are o do women things like prepare meals and enjoy taking care of babies and cleaning up. no only are we supposed to do those things but as women enjoy doing them and men do men things like have a social life with other adults and experience challenges and freedom that a job gives tell you it's hard work so they have an excuse to go out after that and play and then get home just in time when the baby is finally asleep so they have no idea what you're talking about when you say the baby gave you hell today and then they take over the remote, you're only tv time all day now that cartoons are off, and then they snore, so they take over you're sleep |
| posted by ellie on 07/17/2007 08:21 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| My daughter is 17 months now but when she was first born, without a doubt that is exactly how my hubby was. I finally just left the house and made him deal with all that stuff and it got better. As she got older it was better too. Now he just doesn't watch her enough. As an example, I was in getting ready for work and he was on the couch lying down watching TV and Maddie was playing...IN MY PURSE!! So I guess things changed, but not a ton. Sorry. |
| posted by Jennifer on 07/17/2007 09:37 AM
|
|
|
|
|
I have noticed that as Ian gets older, my husband is feeling more and more comfortable around him. I think a lot of it just stems from the fact that my husband has no idea what to do.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in this situation and that it definitely gets better. :) |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/17/2007 09:39 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| This is going to sound mean, but are these the same dads that have been told to get out of the way the first few months? I think that sometimes mom's convince the dad's that they don't know what they're doing and they take the baby away. The dad now has no practice at comforting, changing, or feeding his own child and doesn't bother since the mom is going to tell him he's doing it 'wrong' because it's not what mom does. The more time he spends with the baby (alone) the more he will learn about him/her. Dads just need to find their own way of doing things and moms need to encourage that. |
| posted by Jenn on 07/17/2007 11:27 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I don't believe I've ever told him he is doing something wrong. I'll usually let him try before I ask him if he wants me to try. I don't know what I'm doing, so I can't say if he does something wrong. Now I will tell him when I've found things that work. I think the biggest problem is that babies are illogical and my husband has a hard time with the illogical. |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/17/2007 11:37 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| That is very true. Hard to do when they do things differently than you. That took me some time and it took him some time. That is why I left the house so he couldn't send her back to me. That really did help. Got him comfortable and found his way. |
| posted by Jennifer on 07/17/2007 11:40 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| my husband was that way alot . he has gotten better but i still do most everything. i finally said you WILL do this or that. i think what got to him was one day i said what would she do if i did not love her and didnt care for her she would never get cleaned or fed. i know he love her because he adores her more thajust the responsibility men dont want to accept. |
| posted by Natasha on 07/17/2007 05:29 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I am going through the same thing. My fiance gives her to me whenever she is crying. He is getting better on holding her a little longer when she cries. Our daughter is 4 months old. I too hope he gets better which I think our men will in time. |
| posted by Michelle on 07/17/2007 08:26 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| men are frightened in the begining - they are always afraid they are going to hurt them or make things worse. when i first had my daughter i ended up in the hospital and my husband had no choice but to help out. granted he only changes a diaper once and a while and does a feeding every so often and makes her laugh while i change her diaper but for some men thats the best they can do. i take care of her and thats my job. in the beginning with a newborn its exhausting and very hard and you have to make him help, it does get better when they get a little bigger . just remember what my mom use to tell me before she passed away, women are and will always be the stronger sex, |
| posted by MARYANNE on 07/17/2007 08:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I have to say that I think the only benefit of having PPD is that it forces the husband to step up to the plate! I STRUGGLED for those first 6 months and felt awful, but he had to pick up the slack! He did so much "mothering" of both of us that I sometimes feel like he's a better mom than I am!! It will get better...your relationship has changed forever and it takes a while to feel comfortable together in your new roles and your "new skin". My thoughts are with ya girl! |
| posted by Briana on 07/17/2007 08:58 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| My husband had a problem at first, he felt that his life did not have to change to much, but then reality hit him when I went back to work when our baby was 12 weeks old and he had to take care of her full time 2 days a week. He is now a different person and helps out so much more, it is wonderful that he changed because I thought I was going to go insane without his help. Maybe you should have your husband take care of your son all by himself and him will have to figure out how the cope with the crying and fussiness. |
| posted by cheri on 07/18/2007 02:24 AM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
