Help!!!!! Need advice, my son is a typical boy and does not listen he has a history in school about not listening, always talking when the teacher is talking,  this was last year in first grade and has carried into second grade.  Well about two weeks ago he forgot his homework at school one day and then forgot his backpack the following day so I went to talk to his teacher and she stated that Jordan has been talking when she has been talking in class and has already been moved to a different desk mind you this is the 8th day of school so my husband and I decided that he would be grounded with no privilages and no receses, he came of grounded on Thursday of last week but we decided still no receses because the talking carries from the playground to the classroom and it becomes disturbing when the teacher is trying to teach. So today when my son comes home he precides to tell me how he got bit by red ants in the dirt. So I am thinking if you dont have reseses then why are you in the dirt? Make a long story short he confessed that he played at recess.  What do I do he gets in trouble for one we decipline and then does something else that he knows better, what do I do???????????

perhaps you need to step things up. no tv, early bed, toys gone, no desert. he needs to know that what he is doing is not right. the school should be on board with the punishment too. you could get a jar of beans and tell him when he behaves, a bean gets added, misbehavior gets them taken away.  little privilage for good behavior (like desert of 1/2hr. of t.v.), nothing for bad! you could give him a chore for everytime he's not well behavied. get a behavior chart if that helps. let him know that it's not a game!

Hi Natalie,

As a veteran elementary school teacher, I have the following input:  taking away recess is always going to backfire...especially if it's a male student.  One year I had 19 boys in my class and I was constantly taking mini breaks to let them run laps around the playground after completing a task (i.e. writing down their homework correctly).  These were privileges that helped me more than they "rewarded" the restless boys!  I would keep individual behavior charts for constant talkers and always focussed on the rewards of making the right choice.  Their punishments or "disciplines" would still be carried out; but sooner than later they wanted to choose to do the right thing on their own.  Reasonable punishments for this age are best handled in private (so the whole class doesn't need to know).  I suggest your son have a chore to help you before he goes out to play; and use an egg timer so he learns the value of timely organization.  Bed time can be earlier than usual; but don't discourage reading before lights out with you or dad.  The talking in class can be handled with a teacher-parent-student contract where all three of you sit down and talk about the importance of listening.  He may have to sit closer to the chalkboard or teacher's desk.  She could even establish a non-verbal warning for your son that only he knows.  Together you can think of a reasonable rewards (not bribes:) ) if your son succeeds in following the rules of the contract.  Neither you nor the teacher want to see him as a problem child when he's just social.  If you tell him his talking with friends interupts other children's learning and does not allow the teacher to do her job, he might see it a different way than he just can't talk period.  You and the teacher will discover so many good qualities your son possesses this year!  Be sure to remind him of his progress as you continue the job/responsibility that every parent has to discipline and teach.  I have a 2 year old son and one on the way, so I know how easy it is to get frustrated easily.  Hang in there, Natalie.  This will be a good, if not GREAT, year for you and Jordan!

All the best!

Jennell

Have you investigated at all the reason for his behavier? have you checked his ears or eyes?? perhaps he cant hear or see properly or does he have any kind of learning dificulty? have you asked him why he does any of this stuff.I would suggest that you have a chat with your son you may be suprized that the answer is within him. I think we often punish without finding out what is going on with the child first.There are heaps of reasons why kids act out .If you find out what is going on with him it may wind down the situation instead of the punishments becoming all consuming I mean how much can you take away from him? how old is he 6? this age group needs to learn in small steps about classroom etiquette try to focus on the rewards for good behavier and see that increase rather than focusing on punishment for bad behavier and waiting for that to reduce before you stop the "grounding" or removal of privlidges.

Tracey

Thank you all for responding. I have tried everything you guys have mentioned. I even thought he had a learning disability and had that addressed and I have took him to the doctor to get his ears and eyes checked and he know has glasses for reading. I think my kid is just set in his mind and ways. I just don't know what to do. See my son has a history of this, this has been going on since pre-school and it just seems like it is getting worse I already kept him back for an extra year in kindergarden thinking that would help him trust me I have tried everything and taken everyones advice and I am just stuck in a corner. Even his teacher says that he is smart he just does not want to learn. Thank god he has an good teacher and she is supportive. If anyone has any other thoughts please share them with me cause like I said I have tried everything!!!!!

super nanny????

seriously what about a child psychologist? hang in there and be patient with him is his dad around? perhaps he needs a strong male role model/mentor?

quite often the most naughty kids are the smartest ones maybe he has add but i guess you already checked that one!

keep us up to date and like I said hang in there

Tracey

Hi, Tracey

Yes he has father in his life and is a very good father. That is my last step I have done everything but that.  We are patient with him this is nothing new this has been this way for the last 5 years and trust I have done everything...

hi natalie,

wow sounds like you have tried everything

hang in there be tough the hard work you put in now will pay off in the future sorry i couldnt be more help

Tracey

Hi Natalie,

I was having a similar problem with my son last year he was in first grade. After many methods of dealing with it, taking away privileges, no recess, no toys, more homework at home, and more.... I took my son to a Neuropsychologist. My son had an all day evaluation and he was diagnosed with a combination of ADD/ADHD. I am not saying that is the case with your son, but it never hurts to check. My son this year is having a great time in school i even received a call from his teacher and she said that my son is very attentive, and polite i even asked her if she was sure what parent she called? :-).  Sometimes regular doctors do not have the time to fully evaluate kids they see htem for only a few minutes. A full evaluation with a neuropsychologist can help.

Hi Mommy of two boys,

Thank you for responding. When my son was about 5 he was tested for ADHD and nothing. Do you think I should make another appt. and have him tested again. At one time he was having headaches mostly at night so I had him checked they did a cat scan on his head to see if anything was wrong and it came out OK then I made an appt with an ophthalmologist to have his eyes check and that came back he needed glasses.. He was having trouble reading so the school offered him a tutor did that I mean literally you name it i have tried it. It just seems like I am backed up in a corner and don't know what to do literally.

Natalie,

When my son was 4 I had him tested for Autism and it was negative, I had him tested for anything last year at 6 with the neuropsycologist and he was diagnosed with add/adhd. Is your son six or seven right now? If he is now seven i would have him tested for add/adhd now, there are more signs at this age.  Last year when I was having issues with my son I got him a wiggle seat, that help with his sensory and it kept him more focus at school. Also behavioral therapy is a good alternative.

I like to let you know that I really admired how you have tried many things to find out more about the reason for your sons behavior. Many people just dismissed childrens behavior as normal it will pass and they don't do anything. Your son is very lucky to have you.

Good Luck!

Hi mommy of 2 boys,

Then I will have him tested again, who did you go with?  Thank you for the compliment. I love my kids and no matter what trouble they are in or any health issues I am so their, my mom was not a supportive mom and I promised myself NO matter what my kids do I will stand by their side.  Thank you also for being a good listener.

We went to Dr.Baker

Office:       602-274-1462
Fax:           602-274-7402
Address:    301 East Bethany Home Road, Suite A-125
Phoenix, AZ 85012     
E-mail:       jasonbaker@bakerneuropsychology.com

Please feel free to go anywhere, for us his office was convenient because I work in Phoenix not too far from his office.

Good Luck!

Good morning Natalie

I am new to this site but I've read your posts and you are not alone.I have two boys.A 13 year old that is great in school, no problems except the normal forgot something then I have my 8 year old that i've already had to go to the school twice(one with the teacher and then with the principle)We have a reward system and a list of steps to help him through tough problems.This is new to us.We just got this this week so we are practicing at home.I have had issues since he started school.He has so much energy and ideas.He has a hard time owning up to his behavior.We are working on this too.He is very smart.Does well with homework.It;s just the behavior thing.I am having his ears checked this coming week to out rule problems.It might be selective hearing.(lol)Sometimes it gets so fustrating!He has a problem with me.Talking back, yelling, and he always remembers what I did years ago.Unbelievable memory!My husband thinks that some of the issues are because of me.All his teachers are females.I don't know if this is an issue but he does tend to listen to his father.Have you any suggestions?

Thank you

melony