Ok, so this is gonna be looongg...get comfortable.  My husband is the oldest of 3 siblings, and we've been married for almost 13 years now...we have a daughter who is almost 3.  I stay home w/my daughter, and it's hard, and we struggle with $, but we know it's the right thing to do for us.  My brother-in-law and his wife both work, and my mother-in-law takes care of their daughter 5 days a week, and sometimes on the weekends & sometimes over night during the week.  Whenever we visit my mother-in-law, we give advance notice, so our daughter can have 1 on 1 grandma time...we live a few hours away, so when we come, we stay for the weekend to make it worth it...etc.  Needless to say, it's always a production to get my brother in law to watch his own kid...they totally bogart grandma's time...and whenever I have got irritated with them enough to say something...they always say "but Mom WANTS to watch her" My brother and law and his wife are very busy & career minded, and I really feel like their daughter is not a priority in their life...they put her to bed at 7:00, and they get home not much before that...anyway.  They just found out that she is pregnant again, and I am having a rough time getting excited about it. I told my mother in law that she is going to have to raise this kid too, and she is not going to have any time for our daughter.  She says that she made a committment to them (babysitting)...and I'm like ????  I have a major attitude now, and feel second rate.  Do I sound selfish?  I know my kid is not the only grandchild...but I'm still pissed.   Any suggestions?  Help?  I appreciate it 

o.k. i have something to say on the matter. i don't think you'll like what i have to say, b/c when it was said to me i was more than pissed off about it, but a while after (more than a year!) i realized the only reason i was pissed was because the truth REALLY does hurt! my ex-husband once told me "don't expect anything from anybody!" i argued the point hard, coming with everyone i could think of that you should be able to expect things from. he responded "not your mother, father, siblings, even your closest friend! don't expect anything from anyone! they are only human and quite capable of letting you down. sure, you WANT to expect things from them, but when you expect nothing, you will NEVER be dissapointed, upset, hurt, etc." you know, it's a shame that your inlaws don't see the harm caused by the situation, and i would think something about it too. HOWEVER, it would be just that, a simple thought. i always say that with most things in life, you have to measure the true importance and treat the unimportant like a fart in the wind, nothing more. sure, it's going to take some time for you to get over the hurt feelings, but once you grasp the concept of not expecting anything from anyone, you will be so much happier. (heck, took me quite some time to adjust, but i am so much less stressed now!) she feels she has obligations to them for sitting, you feel like she has obligations to your daughter as grandma. i understand. you just have to know that you have been promised NOTHING! even if she promised, what is it worth?! human beings break promises all the time! just another fart in the wind! love your daughter the way you have (and congrats for taking steps and making sacrifices for staying home with her!) and life will go on. i would suggest less frequent visits b/c they just don't seem as important to them as they do to you. why waste your time and money to go make yourself unhappy? you've already said your piece and there's not much more you can do. save the gas $, take your family out somewhere, relax at home, find a less stressful activity to involve yourself with. god bless with your efforts!

I kind of know how you feel. I have a friend who is the same way. Her and her husband both work, and HER grandparents watch her son during the week, and EVERY weekend her mother watches her son so she can go out. Sometimes he will also spend the night with her mother or grandparents during the week. . so its like she has very minimal time with her son. A couple of months ago she said they were going to try to get pregnant again. ??!!??  I couldnt believe it. I mean, I felt the same as you about your BIL. Why would you have another kid for someone else to raise?

I am not a SAHM but I am ALWAYS with my kids when Im not at work. I get them up in the morning and take them to daycare and I pick them up and feed them and bathe them, and put them to bed. .etc. I am home with them on weekends and holidays and everything in between. We just cannot afford for me not to work.

As far as you feeling like your child is 'second best' to their kids, since grandma watches her all the time, its something that you just have to make up for and let roll off your back. Kind of like Chevonne said. My husbands mother babysits BIL kids too, and sees a lot of her other grandchildren more than she sees mine. Im sure she would watch my kids if I asked her to more often, but shes kind of older and not in perfect health, and I figure it takes a lot out of her to keep the other grandchildren so much, so why put that extra burden on her? I know you probably dont ask MIL to babysit, you just want to visit. . but still, what is going on between MIL and BIL is not something you can control. I know its frustrating, but its out of your hands. I would say, just feel blessed that you are able to stay home and RAISE your child yourself, and not HAVE to rely on anyone else to do it for you.

Their children will eventually be old enough to know that mommy and daddy are not the ones taking care of them and it will be for them to deal with. Again, be thankful that you are not in their situation.

Amy is right! super frustrating, but just think of how their children's frustration will be when they are old enough to realize what's REALLY going on! the situation is a frustrating struggle, but it will be what you make it. know that that people understand you are not in the wrong and just continue your wonderful efforts with your daughter! AND...if you think your daughter won't pick up on the madness once she's able to understand, you are so wrong. treat all parties with the respect a person in general should be respected. the truth will show in the end!