So I am a step-mom of a 10 year old girl. Holy cow is it tough! I have known her since the day she was born, as her dad and I were friends for 18 years before we got married. He has full custody of her and her mom shows up whenever it's convienent. 99% of the time, her mom calls once every 3-4 months, gets her hopes up and then stands hers up. Just in the last month her mom has made an attempt to actually do more, thanks to my husband finally standing up to her and telling her to either be a real mom or just leave her alone.

We've been married for 3 1/2 years and it was going pretty good in the beginning with my step-daughter, but ater being told for 6 years I could never have a child, I got pregnant 3 months after we got married. My son is 2 1/2 now and I try to be fair and treat both kids equally, but lately the attitude my daughter has is just insane! Not only is she disrespecting me, but she's starting to do it to my husband and her brother. Her real mom finally sat her down a couple weeks ago and told her to knock it off.

Parenthood is so hard and testing to begin with, but step-parenting...holy cow!! I love my step-daughter as if she was my own. We've shared so much between us...good, bad, happy, sad, tears, sickness...you name it, we've shared it. It's nice to have a place to go to share my thoughts and my concerns and just find a place to vent.

She's 10?  Attitude is normal.  What's funny is I'm raising a 9 year old boy who I've been raising since he was 3.  The attitude is annoying and makes you want to kill them.  But, then they're sweet again.  Kids. :-)  Hang in there.  You say you love her like your own. Just know that your own will get the attitude at that age too.  So you'll know how to handle it a little better with your son.  Congrats for raising her.  Just be consistant with your rules and keep the attitude in check and give her real consequences for it.  If you don't it will just get worse.  My son gives me 1/3 of the attitude he gives his "real" mom and grandparents.  Why?  I don't take it, they do.  Take away the things she loves when she's treating you like crap and she'll learn to respect you. 

P.S. I dropped calling my son my "step-son" a long time ago because I"m the only real mom he knows.  His "real" mom is like the one you described.  There when convenient.  It hurt him not to be my "real" boy so the "step" got dropped. He's my real boy. :-D  Even if I don't want to claim him at times.