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| First Time Moms |
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| Hey everybody!! I have a 6 month old son, and he is my world!!! However, it really bothers me when my husband gets to go out on the town. Then when it bothers me i feel like im a bad mom for wantin to leave my son! any advice? Im young and want to enjoy it sometimes, but realize that i have responsibilities too. any advice is helpful. Thanks |
| Posted by Jennifer on 07/14/2007 02:41 PM
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Jennifer,
I know what you mean. I spent the entire pregnancy being jealous of my husband because he was able to go out, and he still is able to now while I am at home. My word of advice to you though is that if you want to be a good mom you need to make sure that you don't loose yourself as well. I don't mean go out and get drunk all the time, but by you being able to continue having a life and enjoying yourself you will in return be a happier person resulting in a happier baby. I know it is hard to leave your baby and think about all the responsibility that you have, but by worrying about it constantly will only stress you out more. If anything, think about 15 years from now, do you really want to have given up your friends and your life completely, and your son isn't relying on you anymore...what do you have then? As hard as it is for me, I make sure to get out...make sure you have someone reliable/responsible to watch him so you don't feel bad about leaving, like a mother or mother in law. Just don't loose yourself just because you have a baby....you deserve "you time" as well. Hope some of this helps. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me.
Christine |
| posted by Christine on 07/14/2007 02:58 PM
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| Hi, I know how you feel! Mackenzie is 4 months old and my world! Do not feel bad about wanting to go out, you need to time for yourself and also time alone with your husband! Maybe the two of you could plan a date night. I am not ready to leave my daughter while she is awake (unless it is with her daddy, for an hour or so) so we make plans to go out after she is in bed. We go see a late movie or something. Good Luck |
| posted by Amanda on 07/14/2007 03:12 PM
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| i know what you mean. my daughter is 18 months and i would like time, but then ii feel like a bad mommy. i think sometimes it just bothers me that my husband does want time to his self. |
| posted by Natasha on 07/14/2007 05:50 PM
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| Wow I guess we are all thru the same thing, my son is 10 months and the "me" time I have is when I go to Albersons while my husband watch him, for me is really really hard to go out since my family is in argentina and my husband's in Michigan sooooo I haven't been out without my son in 10 months!!!!!!! but of course my husband everyyyyyy weekend goes surfing for like 4 hours , nice!!!!!!!! I can't even take a showerrrrrrrr without rushing myself so unfair on top of that every time I go to visit somebody I cant even enjoy the moment because my son will not stop crying or screaming. Im getting crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| posted by Lorena on 07/14/2007 06:24 PM
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| well i am not a young mom i am an older mom with a little baby and i still would like to go out or do something. my husband plays poker with the guys, goes golfing, comes in and out when he pleases, and me, i cant even get to the bathroom sometimes. when i complain about it to my aunts and whoever will listen they say well thats how it is, get use to it. so now what i do is i tell him if he wants to play poker on friday night than saturday afternoon i get a manicure and pedicure and if he wants to golf on sunday then when he comes home i go shopping. but i never go out out. i dont trust him alone with the baby that long, in case of emergency, he wouldnt have a clue, i am lucky he changes her diaper once in a while. so sometimes i just invite people over but those days of going out and having some fun without constantly worrying about the baby and who is caring for her is over, atleast for me it is. |
| posted by MARYANNE on 07/14/2007 07:09 PM
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Hey all
God I was jjust thinking about this very topic.
My son is 2 1/2 and I barely shower still. He is REALLY good but I just never find time for me ever. So I understand u all. The last time I drank wassssssssss ..............well cant even remember.
But I love my son so I really dont care he is the only thing I would ever sacrifice for....I think that goes for all us moms.
Laura |
| posted by laura on 07/14/2007 07:24 PM
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I know it's not going out and having fun, but I use going to the store and grocery shopping as "me" time. There are lots of times where I need one little thing and I use it to leave my son with my husband and get out of the apartment. It may only be 20 or so minutes, but start slow and then work up to longer times. Something else that really helped my husband and I, our son went and spent the weekend with his grandmother. It allowed us to recharge our batteries (getting a full nights sleep), have some individual time as well as some together time.
While it does bother me that I'm anxious to leave my son with his father, I know that if I don't do it, I'll slowly drive myself insane. |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/16/2007 10:23 PM
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Jennifer,
I feel your pain!!! I have a 3m/o and i feel like i never get to go out anymore. My husband does, which feels unfair to me. Don't feel like a bad mom, it's natural to want the carefree life you used to have. What i've learned to do is just hand her over to my husband and tell him i need some time to myself. I usually come home to a screaming baby becuase he doesn't know what to do with her, but he needs to learn how to keep her happy. This way i get some time to myself, sometimes i just drive around for a little while, and he spends time with our daughter. If all else fails hire a sitter for a few hours in the afternoon! |
| posted by Amanda on 07/17/2007 10:16 AM
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| I feel that us mom's need to be a little selfish. We aren't being fair to our babies (or the dads) by letting the dad's off the hook and taking on all of the extra jobs that come with a baby. They need bonding time together. The dad's are just as capable of watching their child/ren as we are. I'm a new mom of twin girls and I have no problem leaving them with their dad while I go out. I trust him more than anyone. He handles feeding, changing, belly time, and putting the twins to sleep (They're 7wks old). All the while he does other jobs around the house, like cleaning or repairs. I have to admidt that he is great, but I give him a lot of opportunities to show off his 'daddyness'. I make sure he knows how much I appreciate all of his efforts and I brag about what he does to others. (I brag in front of him with family and friends) This keeps him wanting to help out more. It's a win win. |
| posted by Jenn on 07/17/2007 11:17 AM
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| Hi everyone! I think that communication with my husband has really been key in maintaining our separate identities and relationship with each other. My husband was able to stay home with me and our daughter for a couple of weeks in the beginning, so he was able to see what a very tiring day is like. I stay at home with our two month old, and when he comes home from work, he takes over. I felt guilty about needing a break,or wanting to go out, but I'm a human being. Sometimes just going grocery shopping by myself helps, or taking a power walk, or treating myself to a pedicure. I've taken a good friend up on her offer to watch my daughter while my husband and I go out on a date night, because we have no family in-state. She spent some time getting to know my daughter, so I am comfortable going. If we do not listen to our needs and find happiness, we will not be the best mom's to our kids. It is important that we take care of ourselves and get our partners to understand our very real needs. It may sound a bit hokey, but before my husband and I got married (one year ago), we visited a partners' counselor to work on communication skills. It was very helpful. Now that wee are both parents, we've been able to work out a "fair" schedule. Our husbands must understand that raising a child "is" a full-time job...and a very difficult one at that. Here's to going out and feeling like "sane" again! |
| posted by Kelly on 07/17/2007 12:54 PM
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| Hi ladies, I have a four month old baby and I got tired of feeling isolated from the world while I stayed home and mothered my baby. I got my sister to agree to a sitting exchange where once a week I take her kids for the day or for the evening and she does the same for me. I go get my nails done, my hair done or go shopping with friends. If I choose to have the night off I go to dinner with the girls or go dancing. the only catch is that the baby must be sleeping before I leave. I feel soooo much better now! I am a single mom so I have to do 100% of everything for my baby, that may be why I felt to cheated. Her dad was a total jerk to me once I got pregnant so I really needed to have the validation and acceptance from people who loved me. Now there is no trace of PPD or low self image...I feel great and know that on tuesday I get to just be ME! |
| posted by Iman.com on 07/17/2007 01:12 PM
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| Don't feel bad, you need to have some time away from your baby every once in a while. I felt the same way but after I did it the first time I knew that it was something that I needed to do for myself so that I would not go insane (my baby is 4 months old) and besides it helps daddy learn to take care of the baby. |
| posted by cheri on 07/18/2007 02:36 AM
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Hi Jennifer,
My daughter is 8 months and I have gone out 1 night by myself.. a whopping 3 hours. I was thrilled and yet anxious at the same time.
My husband works and takes it upon himself to go out whenever he feels like it. He goes wakeboarding with friends after work and will go out on at least one weekend night. I try not to be pissy, but sometimes I can't help it. I feel like I have lost my life and his never missed a beat.
We have no family in the area and most of my friends are without child. So, they are not to be trusted with my wee babe.
My point is that if you have family or friends you trust close by and are willing to babysit for a few hours, take them up on it! I would give just about anything to have my mother or mother in-law close by.
Best wishes!
Amanda |
| posted by Amanda on 07/20/2007 10:06 PM
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