What do you think groupies are made of and how can we as wives adopt some of those ideas and combat against others?  They are obviously doing something right....

What a wonderful discussion topic. I am married to a musician in the gospel industry and the groupies are relentless on this side of the music industry as well.

You're right, Antoniya! There are a lot to be learned from groupies. The, apparently, provide something to husbands that we dont. And that is, intrisically, why our husbands are attracted to them. They provide an escape.

My husband and I do a lot of talking about this subject. I even wrote a book about being a musician's wife. There is a chapter about groupies and I wrote about what I've learned from my husband. Forgive me for being frank, but, my husband says that men are going to be drawn to wherever they are getting "stroked." And that doesnt always have to mean in the literal sense.

Things like nagging, lack of support, withholding sex and other behaviors that we exhibit sometimes, as wives, drive our husbands right into the arms of these women. Sometimes, I cant even say that I blame them, wholeheartedly.

We, as wise wives, must learn to be both wives and "other" to our husbands and know when to make the switch. We have to listen to them telling us what their needs are try to fulfill them so that there is no need to look elsewhere, or pay attention when other things are offered. Does that make sense?

I forgot to add "lack of self-esteem" to the list of things that drive the husbands away. There is nothing more unattractive than a whining woman. If you really think about it, prostitutes/groupies (women in those groups) exude a whole lot of self confidence. Its attractive! That's why we are attracted to our men. They are confident!

I could stay on this topic forever...but I'll stop here and listen to what others have to say.

Your friend in the walk,

Nicole

I forgot to answer the first part of the question...

It is my belief that groupies are misguided women/men who are attracted to the person behind the instrument. Lets face it! Musicians, when they are doing their thing on the instruments, are magical. They are able to take people places with their music. That's both incredible and powerful.

The groupies see the magician and are under the spell of the music. They never meet the man behind the cape so they are disillusioned by the fantasy of who they think our husbands are.

They are women that are searching. I have several friends that are ex-groupies/homewreckers and I've learned a lot from them.

Groupies are made of many things and have many layers. I should know since I once was one. lol

I have known my boyfriend for about 8 years. We have dated for 7 years and lived together for the last 5. I say that I was once a groupie because that first year or so, I was just someone who came out to watch him play. But in all honesty, I watched the "groupies" back then and I can't say that I acted like any of them. You know the ones that get right up in front of the stage and bend straight over with their tight-jeaned asses smiling at the band. The sad thing is it's not us, the other halves that really need to worry about the groupies, it's the musicians themselves.

My boyfriend has a 14 year old daughter with one. Just yesterday he went to take a paternity test for a 6 year old of another one. (another story, I know do the math).Once I had a girl in a bathroom confront me that she hoped I didn't have a problem with her since she had "went out" with my boyfriend when we were "broke-up". When I told her we hadn't "broke-up" she informed me we had and when. I guess when we were fighting on the phone he had been drunken-raging at the bar to her, (while I was at home ripping up his clothes), and that had consisted of her definition of a "date". Things is she gave him up. Never had he planned on having an 18 year relationship with any one-night stand, and each time he failed to protect himself from "the groupie".

Many times they just do what I do night after night. I fall in love all over again, watching him pour his heart out on the stage. While I know how they feel at the moment, could they put up with what I have? I watch the women who is mad because their husband or boyfriend is flirting with some girl at the pool table while she is sitting there yelling things out at my boyfriend on the stage. Wonder if she could sit in my seat and smile?

The good news is, as of September 13, 2010 we got a new start. He is now a recovering alcoholic. He can now see people for what they are and knows the ones that count. Let's face it these guys spend their whole lives trying to make people like them. They are the ones who have to make a choice in who remains a groupie and who becomes a part of their lives. Some, as in my case, learn the hard way. Some learn late.

I think we need to define "groupie". To me a groupie is someone who pays money and supports live music, follows the band, street team promotes shows and makes their visit to their town more enjoyable by either showing up at sound check, taking them to dinner or giving them a place to stay. This was me for years and still is. I love and support live music. The road is demanding and if a groupie wants to make their stay a little more pleasant than so be it. I don't worry about groupies back stage with my man or with the members of his band because I trust him and I know that the other men in the band are committed to their woman too. We are all on the same ride to have our families supported by music. The band can control who is backstage. The groupies have nothing to do with it. Being the GF or wife of a musician you have to understand that the attention is part of it. Key is to communicate and determine if your insecurity is based on reality or an opportunity to work on your own stuff. Just my .02.

I agree with Angie, communication is the key... 

I have been trying this with my BF and it has changed so much.. I don't sit at home imagining different scenerous when he goes away, because we have communicated our feelings..

I have come to the conclusion that if something bad was to ever happen.. I did my best to support him and deal with the ups and downs (financially), unstability in schedules, and weeks without seeing him. I am doing my best to support all of this... as a stay at home mom who HAD a great job, I had to leave it because of his unstable schedule.. I stood home to take care of the baby and allow him to do his thing.....

If he messed this up, then he looses out.. for good.   I will move on and continue to live my life... so with this thought.. I let him be and support him. I'm still learning to be the best that I can..sometimes I don't do so well..but I am concious of it and try to be the "wife and the other"... :-)