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| Raising Boys |
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| I hope this can be engraved on the hearts of those who really think about it and apply it to their own lives. If you haven't noticed, as generations come and go, the world is getting more and more complacent in how they raise up this and the next generation. So many people these days are complaining about their children running wild and hitting them and yelling at them in the middle of the grocery store or anywhere else in public. What ever happened to good ol' spanking? I'm not talking about beating them. There is a difference. You obviously don't want your children to rebel or to straight up fear you, but a little fear is healthy and too much freedom leads to rebellion. You are the parent and they are the child until they are old enough and responsible enough to take care of themselves. People try so hard these days to be a friend to their children instead of the authority figure. The reason why the world is getting worse and worse is because people aren't disciplining their children and their growing up and becoming part of our government allowing more and more unethical values to become a part of our freedoms. Who is going to raise your child? You or the music they listen to, the television they watch, your daycare center, or themselves? No offense to anyone, but I always hear people say that there is no instruction manual for parenting, but they are seriously mistaken. There is a manual and it's called the BIBLE. It has instructions for how to overcome any obstacle that can be thrown our way, but too many of us try to justify somethings that we may only read on Sundays or when we feel a little holy, or we don't read it at all because we totally disregard there being a higher power than us. Time outs (satans tactics) are over rated. Step up and fulfill your destiny people and don't deny your children from fulfilling theirs. |
| Posted by Lynleigh on 07/10/2007 11:00 AM
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| **applause** i was going to say something too, but wasnt brave enough. Thank you for being more of a Christian than me, and braver than I! I always spank my son when he runs away from me.....its a safety issue.....should my son get hit by a car, or get a swat on the butt from me? i prefer the swat on the butt and the living child to the dead one, thank you very much. |
| posted by Becky on 07/10/2007 11:05 AM
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| nothing is learned by hitting. And hitting them only teaches them to hit. Its easy for many people to take out anger on a child so hitting is never the way. Time outs, taking away something they enjoy such as video games. And plain old consistancy work wonders. I was hit as a child and all it taught me was that my mother liked to hit and to fear her. My father never laid a hand on me and i always respected him more. I didn't want to let him down feeling like i let him down was far worse than any smack on the butt. Not hitting doesn't mean not disciplining. There are many ways to teach your children to behaive and know what is expected of them. People need to stop fearing being a bad parent and not being a friend to their child...our role is to teach our children how to function in this world and going wild isn't the way and hitting isn't either. |
| posted by Nikki on 07/10/2007 11:22 AM
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| I am a god fearing women and very religous. I am raising my son right and teaching him the word of god. I do spank, but the problem is not spanking but child are being born more independent and strong willed. Kids are not the same as our parents or even us. We are raising a stronger generation. Spanking does not always work. Sometimes when I give my son a good swat it doesn't work. I don't think one thing or one method of disapline works for everyone. I think it is important to try new things. Some may work sometimes and others may work at other times. I don't think we can judge other people til we have walked in there shoes. So I say lots of advice is great from everyone. It's always nice to see how different people handle the same sitation. |
| posted by Karolyn on 07/10/2007 11:30 AM
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i do not believe that the bible instructs us to spank our children. people often rely on the verse "spare the rod and spoil the child", but they fail to understand that the verse means that we should discipline and spanking is not always discipline, nor is it the ONLY way to discipline.
i am NOT saying that we should let our children run wild or be friends rather than authority figures. i AM saying that there are other ways to train them up in the ways that are right. have you read the book, "parenting with love and logic"? there is also one geared towards early childhood.
personally, i was spanked. my bottom STILL, at 35, hurts when i think of it. the more i learn about myself and about spanking as a means of discipline, the more i don't like it because it stems from frustration and anger. to me, it makes more sense to teach your children to make good choices and to PREVENT bad behavior. i often think that the parents who let their children run wild don't understand that the kids aren't learning that way, just as i think those who rely on spanking are lazy about teaching their kids.
now, i do see some exceptions, and they have to do with safety. |
| posted by Christina on 07/10/2007 11:32 AM
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I agree with Nikki,
we have to stop taking the easy way out, spanking is just that. it takes much more effort and patience to teach a child in a loving way than it does to simply spank them. I have 3 boys, 6 and under and I have taught them that running away from me is dangerous and if they run from me mommy will not read them a bedtime story- it works. I dont have to hit them to get them to understand.
when he hit, we are attacklng our children. how would you react if someone taught you something new by hitting you. we would never consider teaching an adult by hitting. Don't use the Bible to justify something that is simply wrong. We know too much now to spank children. Consistency is key. |
| posted by rosa on 07/10/2007 11:33 AM
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| Thank you for all your opinions ladies. You are all right. Just to reply to a few comments: I myself do not believe that spanking is the answer to every situation, but I do believe it is necessary. If you were raised getting spankings and it still affects you, they may not have been given appropriately. Spanking should not be done in a way that causes the child to fear the parent, they should be done in a way that causes the child to fear receiving the spanking. Spanking alone is not the answer, but talking to them and doing that alone is not the answer either. I'm not here to debate, I totally agree with all your arguments, but when asking for advice about children who are hitting you or other people and children who are running rampid, talking is not the solution in my opinion. |
| posted by Lynleigh on 07/10/2007 12:03 PM
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| I am for it. I use it as a last resort. Ist I count to 3,time-out then spank. Depending on the crime. I grew up with spanking and I turned out normal. We belong to a group called "Raising your sprited child" they are totally against and I say tuff bananas its my child. Some may not agree that spanking is right but children will walk all over u. |
| posted by Laura on 07/10/2007 12:14 PM
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I agree with Laura and Lynleigh,
I grew up being spanked, I even got "the belt" to my bottom, my father was the disciplinarian, and even though we got spankings, I was daddy's little girl. I just knew what to do and what not to do, and I do spank my son on the bottom, also as a last resort. If he is running rampid, and not listening, and screaming in my face, I'll put him in his room. When he throws everything in his room at the door and has created a huge mess, I don't see time outs as a good source of discipline, it just ends up being more work having to clean up, because, as you can imagine, asking an outraged five-year old to clean his room is not going to get any results, so I have to do it. This is when I spank. Afterwards, I explain to him why he was spanked, and that I don't like to do it, but if he doesn't listen to me and doesn't respond to time outs, his heiney is getting popped! It works for me! |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/10/2007 01:26 PM
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| I disagree, I have a 4 year old who has spent 4 hours in his room until the mess HE has created gets cleaned up. Spanking him and then cleaning it up for him does not teach him the work that it takes to get it done. In the 4 hours that my son was in his room, he missed out on a movie and swimming in the backyard. He didn't like that too much. |
| posted by rosa on 07/10/2007 01:54 PM
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wow ladies
I have a young son only 2 1/2 so i havent had any real issues (yet) that needed possible spanking.
This has brought a real ?? in my mind now wheather or not I could spank him and feel ok with that. I guess in a dream world I will never now.
laura |
| posted by laura on 07/10/2007 01:58 PM
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lynleigh, talking isn't the only remedy to hitting. when our foster daughter hit, i would take her to her room. i would hold her hands firmly in front of her and tell her that hitting is not nice and she had to be nice to be with the family. she stayed in her room until she apologized, did something nice and could remain nice. in 5 1/2 weeks i saw a little girl who did not know how to ask (tantrums everywhere) and did not even respond to her name turn into a delightful child who asked please and played nicely. now, we were not allowed to spank, but there were times that i was GLAD we couldn't because i was mad and frustrated at her behavior and had to be creative to control it. i've always failed to see how spanking, which IS hitting, teaches ANYONE not to hit. normal time outs did not work with her, but did work with her sister. each child is different.
i'm not saying that spanking is never necessary. i AM saying that there are other ways to discipline your child. our foster daughter told me, in her 3 year old words, that she did not like to be alone and she wanted to be nice so she could play.
remember, we are raising children to be adults. i do not believe time outs to be satan's tactics. i believe they can be used well. i guess i just feel that instead of looking at the whole picture you are saying that the only way to biblically raise children is to spank, which i do not agree with.
why not look into a few other discipline meathods before deciding they are all junk? |
| posted by Christina on 07/10/2007 02:06 PM
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| Christina if you look at my last post, I clearly stated that spanking is not the only form of discipline and I agreed with the other women. People have been posting looking for answers to their problems saying that talking to their children isn't working. I just tried to answer them. Like I said in my last post as well, I'm not trying to debate with other mothers. If people are asking questions than they can't be surprised at the answers they receive. My response is just how I would do it. It worked in raising myself and my sisters and it works in raising my son. We all have our opinions of what's best and all our children are different. Do what's best for you. |
| posted by Lynleigh on 07/10/2007 02:34 PM
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| Also I never said that the bible says to spank. I said that the bible is a manual that we have been given to show us how to overcome any and every obstacle that we can face, including disciplining our children. |
| posted by Lynleigh on 07/10/2007 02:38 PM
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| I think that everyone is only reading the "hitting" portion of Lynleigh's discussion......her whole point was that people in general aren't raising their children the "right" way because they are afraid to be proper authority figures. this doesn't mean HIT your children, this doesn't mean BEAT your children, this means TEACH your children. I spank my son for safety issues only.....like i said earlier.....because this helps impart the seriousness of the issue, i would rather have a live child with a sore bottom and hurt feelings than a dead one. and if you read parented books A LOT of them, recommend this action! Having your child fear your authority is a lot different than having your child fear YOU! and Lynleigh is correct, the BIBLE is a MANUAL, a tool............and every child is different, i have 2 sons, and what works for one son does not work for another! time outs do work for one, and dont for another.......so advice is always welcome and everyone is always have an open ear and an open mind and an open heart, don't be so closed minded to possiblities of teaching your children to RESPECT YOUR AUTHORITY AS THE PARENT. |
| posted by Becky on 07/10/2007 03:19 PM
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| I think we all need a group hug:) There is no doubt we all want what is best for our children, lets agree to disagree on this one and move on. Thanks Lyneigh for having the courage to post your position, I respect it. |
| posted by rosa on 07/10/2007 04:40 PM
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*Applause* Thank you for speaking up on this. I was spanked as a child (no belts), when I did something wrong. And the bible teaches a lot of things. You just have to find what you're looking for. We spank our 4 1/2 yr old son; I've tried a lot of different approaches. The one approach I'm getting ready to try is putting him in a Catholic School. I also have a 9 mos old son. Too many people let their kids listen to music they want, watch movies/TV they shouldn't, etc. Whatever happen to 'parental control'. Sorry, but until a child is 18 yrs old, the parent should do their parental duties no matter what. This is only my opinion and if I've offended anyone, I apologize. I also do not want to start a debate/argument or anything else (we're getting ready to move to military housing and I'm getting too anxious! :) There will be families around, and kids for my son to play with (which is probably 75-95% of the issue. He has no friends to play with and his brother is too young.) Anyway, sorry to blab so much. (Housing is in Saratoga Springs, NY) We also found a Catholic Church their we like as well :)
Sherry |
| posted by on 07/10/2007 04:45 PM
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| I just wanted to say that I was NEVER hit as a child yet i was diciplined in appropriate ways. I was not "wild" because of not being spanked or anything of the sort and furthermore I would be horrified to hit my child in ANY way. That is not love. |
| posted by rachal on 07/10/2007 05:34 PM
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| I don't think any of us (those that do) enjoy spanking our kids, but for some kids spanking works and for some it doesn't. I've seen a brother and sister in a family that the sister just had time-outs and the brother got spanked. The brother had more respect for people than the sister did. The sister was older by a few yrs. I hate spanking my kid, but when he yanks on my younger son, yes, I fly off the handle as I've told him several times that we don't do that. Anyway, sorry to butt in again. |
| posted by on 07/10/2007 06:39 PM
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| Hey, I don't have four hours to wait for him to calm down. First of all, just the fact that he trashed his room like that means he's getting a spank on the bottom. We all deal with it differently, so let's just agree to disagree:) |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/10/2007 08:15 PM
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| i didnt say you should wait 4hrs until he calms down, it took him that long to understand that I am in charge and he is responsible for his actions. It's a more valuable lesson than if I would have hit him and then cleaned up the mess for him. |
| posted by rosa on 07/10/2007 11:42 PM
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| OK:), like I said, we'll agree to disagree:) |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 04:16 PM
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| to every one , i grow up with a step dad that beat me ,,,, and my drunk mom did nothing i and my sister to we both been throw hell now that my sister and i are grown up , my sister dose not hit her kids, i do but i will not hit my kids lake my step dad to me i have a 13 year old girl and somtimes her mouth gets nasty to me i tell her im not one of her friends i will hit her butt ,,,,,,,,,,,, my son to ,,, i love my kids but if i need to i will hit , again i will never hit my kids lake my step dad did to me ,,and i HATE that man , |
| posted by jodi on 07/11/2007 06:08 PM
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| I think we all need a group hug:) |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 06:26 PM
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| Thanks Lynleigh, for having the courage to post your position, I respect it also:) |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 06:27 PM
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Rachal,
Parents that give their children a "spank" on the butt still love them deeply. At least wait until you "have" your child to give some advice, huh? I would like to know how you feel when your kid is say, three or four years old, running around not listening to a damn word you say, you might feel differently, lol! |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 06:31 PM
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| By the way, my son ADORES me, even w/ the occasional spankings when he's really bad. So it has nothing to do with love, it's discipline, which children need. When I leave home without him, he cries. I guess, in your opinion, a child that is spanked would fear their parent and want to be away from them. That is not the case at ALL. |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 06:45 PM
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Hi Lynleigh, I totally agree with you. The world has gone to hell in a handbasket. I am a firm believer that the law (government) doesn't allow parents to parent and thinks that all children are the same and all need the same discipline across the line.
I am all for a firm tap on the bottom if that is the punishment that fits the crime. I have to say, I have twin boys who are going to be 3 and they are VERY RAMBUNCTIOUS!!! Everywhere I go, I take them with me and I have to put them on holsters to keep them safe. It really helps keep them with me at all times, keeps them from darting out in the streets and it also helps with my peace of mind knowing that no one can take them from me. I have to say though, I have taken them out without the holsters and they have tried to dart everywhere. I would much rather them cry from a firm hand over the butt then me cry having to bury them because they got smashed by a car or truck.
I do use the "Naughty Chair" and I have to say it has worked well in most situations but when the times arise that things get out of hand and they aren't listening to anything, I find that they respond well to a firm hand. I agree that there is a difference between beating vs. discipline. Discipline is when you are teaching the child their limits and giving them knowledge to be beter people. Beating is just that, BEATING!!! That leaves marks well beyond physical. There is nothing wrong with good old fashioned discipline.
I know a few kids right off the top of my head that could use a good downhome switch across their you know what. But these are the children who usually belong to parents that just dont care.
Lots of children have no respect because they are not taught at home. If we want our children to be responsible, contributing citizens of society, then we must invest the time it takes to teach them that!! How can our children care about their life and respect people if we don't teach them better. When we teach our children better, they do better.
I truely believe that we are raising adults that start out little.
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| posted by Jeanne on 07/11/2007 08:02 PM
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I only ever remember being spanked once or twice as a child and it hurt my parents worse than it hurt me. I turned out fine. Actually I remember a lot of kids I went to school with that were disciplined worse than me (spanking) and a lot of them went down a wrong path, quiencedence, maybe. I have a college degree have worked since I was 15 years old and never caused my parents any real trouble. I
saw a family member ( by marriage) spank and slap his kids hands and sometimes those kids seem to not have any personalitys , I think because they are afraid to laugh or cut up sometimes. I grew up in a household were there was always laughter it was pretty laid back, to an extent.
My son is 16 mos old and he started hitting me. So I hit him back on the hand and he hit me back. So I do not belive hitting is the answer. Then my pediI told me to tell him NO sir you may not hit me, put him on the couch and walk away. His feelings were hurt and he didnt do that anymore after a few times. He has a great personality and is very friendly and loving. I think at his age its all about distraction. At some point yes I will have to be a little more harsh but not to the extent of hitting, |
| posted by amy on 07/11/2007 09:25 PM
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| I am not trying to disprove Amy's theory, what works for her is great, but my son is five, and he is the most outgoing, lovable child, and he has a WONDERFUL personality, although he gets spanked sometimes. The neighbors all love him and invite him to sit on their decks, even the people that live a couple streets up that walk their dogs down our street love him. So spanking has nothing to do with how your child's personality will turn out. |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 10:15 PM
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| I'm sorry, I know I'm blabbing a bit, but really people, it's not that big of a deal. I was against spanking in the beginning when I first had my son, but I was spanked, I spank now, and he is a HAPPY, DELIGHTFUL, little gentlemen. So why doesn't everyone just MOVE ON. I think we've heard all the opinions on this subject. Kids will be what they will, spanking or not, I think how they turn out depends on how much attention you give them while they are growing up, the environment in which they grow up, and peer pressure. That is what is going to make your child who they will be. NOT SPANKING. Let's move on, people. |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/11/2007 10:20 PM
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| moving on,,,, ok i have somthing to talk about ,,, dose every one sit down for dinner,,, i somtimes sit in front of the tv with my kids is that bad,,,,,,,,,,,, |
| posted by jodi on 07/12/2007 08:27 AM
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| We eat in front of the television quite a bit, I think it makes eating at the dinner table that much more of a treat! If you're constantly at the dinner table, it probably isn't viewed as that special, but if you split the nights up, your kids will probably appreciate it more, I know mine does:) And then there's nights where he's into one of his fav. cartoons and wants to eat in front of the tv, whether it be in the living room or in his bedroom. I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to meals. |
| posted by Rebecca on 07/17/2007 07:14 PM
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| Wow! You sure got a response on the "spanking" issue. I know where you are coming from. My husband and I have been taught the law of God and that does including spanking for rebellion or if what they are doing is dangerous. Just wanted to say stay encouraged, it's nice to see someone stand there ground in the Lord! God Bless you in all that you do in Christ! They aren't against you "logically" but spiritually... so stay "salty" Matthew 5:13 :) |
| posted by Candice on 07/19/2007 09:55 PM
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| I am the mother of a 17 month old boy, and I could NEVER raise a hand to him. My heart breaks each time he gets a bump on the head. There are other ways to be a firm parent - hitting teaches hitting, simple as that. It also confuses and weakens trust. Pointless. |
| posted by on 01/23/2008 04:34 PM
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| "The American Academy of Pediatrics (as well as many, many child development experts) strongly opposes ever striking a child. Whether or not parents believe in spanking their kids is based on their culture, location and time (in military families living in the midwest in the 50's, spanking and much stronger physical abuse was simply known as "child rearing," as my husband reminds me). Statistically, whether or not parents spank is also based on their education level (the more school they've had, the less likely they are to spank). Many parents occasionally hit their kids from sheer stress, when frightened (the child has done something dangerous), out of frustration, or fear of having no other options. Look, spanking isn't a good option. If, however, you occasionally lose it and spank your child, you join the vast majority of parents. You aren't damaging your child or or your relationship forever. It's not an effective or positive approach to discipline, though. It's a more serious problem if you commonly spank your child, or if it's one of your dominant disciplinary methods. I find it hard to justify spanking at any time. Here's why: * It is painful. Deliberately instilling pain on your child is cruel (even if you believe it's "for their own good.") The slogan "No pain, no gain" does not apply to childrearing. * It teaches your child that violence is an acceptable way to express anger and deal with conflict. This contradicts the rest of how you are trying to raise your child. * It's harmful emotionally for you. Few parents feel wonderful after hitting a child. Spanking often leads to remorse, guilt, and doubts about the quality of your own parenting skills. Avoid the agony -- resist the urge to smack. It's a very unpleasant sensation to feel like a bully. * It's harmful emotionally for the child. Spanking is traumatic, makes a child feel as though there's something wrong with her (instead of something wrong with her behavior), creates resentment, and can lead to body image problems. * Spanking tells a child she is powerless. A powerless person will act out, leading to more problems. * Spanking is disrespectful to the child, and it doesn't help teach respectful values or standards. * It breaks trust and invades a child's sense of security. * It halts effective communication. * Where do you go from there? Once you resort to physical discipline, the only steps up are more, or stronger physical discipline. Don't start down that path. * It doesn't work!!! In the very, very short term, you may stop the misbehavior. The backlash is not worth the very, very short term." |
| posted by on 01/23/2008 08:00 PM
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| That last comment was a quote taken from the experts at www.babyzone.com. I'm sorry for the multiple comments on this subject, but I really feel strongly against hitting a child. |
| posted by on 01/23/2008 08:22 PM
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| I agree w Lyn.The day that the schools took religion out of the schools and passing the law that you cannot hit your children was when all the bull started.Children know that in school they can do what they want and they cant get hit only kicked out.You cant spank me Ill call cps on you mom.Gangs and children out committing crimes.I spank my older kids when they are bad.I dont hit them in anger.I was taught do not hit your child in anger.Send them to their room and calm down then go in there and tell them why they are getting swats and enforcr how much you love them but what they did was wrong.My hubby never spanked his daughter and dear God she is the most selfish, materialistic,and manipulating lil thing I ever have met.Now that I am here and he has seen the things that she does and mine dont do he can see the light as you call it.She came right out and said to my kids ;I dont get spanked.I can do what I want and all Im gonna hear is that it was wrong.Big Deal!My kids told me ;I made her tell her dad and since then he spanks her.I love my kids and at any given time Id give my life for them.I also ground my kids and take things away from them.What ever the crime is what their punishment is.They dont get spankings very much but when it needs to be done it is.I went to a woamns retreat when I still lived in Texas ,and I was in a room w about 1000 women and the speaker said that The Bible is all you need to have a good marraige and points on disciplining your children.Not 1 woman disagreed with that woman.She sold out on all her books and they were ordering more.Hitting children in anger and cause you had a bad day gives ppl that discipline their children in love a bad name!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 02/09/2008 12:27 AM
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I'm a firm believer in appropriate discipline and an incredibly strict parent AND I've hardly ever spanked my boys - but I have done it. My family has a disperate (not, desperate) religious background: blending Jewish, Catholic and Southern Baptist traditions, if there was any way to have a cornerstone on guilt - it's found at my house! However, the one binding component to my family-diversity is that we strongly believe children should be responsible for themselves. If they are not taught the strict parameters at home there is a taxing law enforcement system out there that will teach them something less than morality waiting for them when they grow up. I've worked with kids for my whole career and know that they need limits that do not budge, sometimes that boundary should be shocking and somewhat painful (even if it is just hurt pride).
This a pretty divisive topic and there are lots of thoughtful and thought-provoking answers on both sides. |
| posted by mamakats on 02/12/2008 07:51 PM
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| The problem I have with spanking is that it is a mode of discipline that can only be applied when the mother or father is around (I'm assuming most parents are not ok with others spanking their children). So as hard as it is to impart other inventive forms of discipline upon our children, we must do it if we expect them to behave appropriately when not in our presence. I think it is extremely difficult as a parent to put one's self in the mind set of a 2, 3, or 4 year old child; but we must if we are to communicate with them appropriately. The tricky part is that children are so individualistic. What works as far as discipline for one child may not work for another. Gotta pull out the creativity hat. On a slightly simplistic note, I love watching the show "The Nanny". That ingenious British lady is extremely resourceful and imaginative in creating preventative situations so unwanted behavior does not occur in the first place (and I'm not talking about 'the naughty spot' because I know that does not work for most kids). Kids usually do something they're not supposed to do because..a) they don't know they're not supposed to do it, or b) they are bored out of their minds. |
| posted by Allison on 02/12/2008 08:50 PM
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| I see that this is a topic that has already died down, but I have to say that there is definately a difference between HITTING and SPANKING. |
| posted by Kristy on 02/28/2008 12:35 PM
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| I disagree completely. When you spank, are you not hitting? The actual, literal meanings are the same. Just because you're not randoming striking your child for no reason, doesn't mean that spanking isn't hitting. It is. It's causing pain to intimidate or control or teach, and its an easy and vastly unproductive (thinking long term) way out of a situation. |
| posted by on 02/28/2008 12:57 PM
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| All I know is that I have 6 beautiful, well-behaved kids, 4 of which are old enough to be disciplined. They know how to act in public and at home. We are a very close knit family, and my kids hardly fear either of us. We have lots of fun together and talk and play all the time with our kids. Although at this point it is rare for any of them to need it, we do believe in spanking. None of them hit others out of anger or manipulation. None of them are ugly or aggressive at all towards other kids or to us. They are far from perfect (who is), but they are sweet, happy kids. All that said, although there are always exceptions, not every kid who is spanked will turn out to be an angry, fearful and violent individual. |
| posted by Kristy on 02/28/2008 01:16 PM
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Some of the responses here have veered off into dangerous territory. It's important to remember that each of us are raising our children with thoughtful consideration or else we wouldn't be on this site. While there are radically different opinions about discipline and child-rearing, it is extraordinarily important to remain open and respectful to another's perspective.
To have this community available toward offering different perspectives helps each of us to become better parents and community members.
I think this is a valuable discussion becasue I am a long-time advocate who also parents with the belief that there is a time and place to take an action like spanking - and I recognize that lots of really good parents do and lots of really good parents don't. The discussion is to bring the topic out for consideration rather than defend or attack a position.
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| posted by mamakats on 02/28/2008 06:58 PM
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| I was reading on spanking in pamphlets given to me from way back at childbirth(well it seems like so long ago) and they were saying that a child that is spanked will be more likely to act out in society. The ones getting into trouble with the law and such. |
| posted by Michelle on 02/29/2008 11:27 AM
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| Now, this is just my personal opinion, as everyone is entitled to their own. I choose not to spank my children. With all of the medical and child development research that has been done, it has made me re-think the spanking thing. Technically, it teaches your children that when they are angry or upset, it is ok to be physical. Remember that young children don't have complex thinking as we do as adults. They see that Mommy or Daddy is "hitting" them on the bottom, so when they get mad, they should do the same. They copy everything that we do as their parent. I think that there are many other ways to discipline- and I do think that discipline and setting boundries is very important. I think that time-outs and talks do help, or taking away privelages. For me, it works. I feel that spanking just escalates the problem. We are here to help them learn what they can and can't do; to teach them how to live life successfully. I too am also a Christian, but I don't believe the Bible says that you should punish by spanking. If you see it that way, or get that from any passage, then that is your thing. For me, I see it as what I stated above. Things are a lot different these days then they were 2000 years ago, and we have learned a lot about the development of children. Look at our world... most of us in previous generations were spanked. All in all, spanking is just not for me. I believe there are enough options to try first before resorting to that. I respect everyone's opinions, but this is mine. |
| posted by Rolawna on 03/01/2008 03:30 PM
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Please don't feel as though I am "attacking" anyone, however...
Hello Ladies,
By now if you’ve been reading these posts, you know just how anti-spanking I am. I was reading American Baby magazine today and found something else I think you might find interesting that clearly explains exactly where I’m coming from. Taken from an article titled “What’s Wrong With A Little Swat?”:
It reads:
“Some parents think its ok to swat a kid on the hand or the bottom. After all, many of us got spankings, and we turned out just fine, right? It’s not as simple as that, experts say. First off, as your child grows, that little swat won’t stop him, and your aggression will have to escalate. Also, children learn by imitating us, so if you hit, they’ll come to learn that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with frustration. Finally, hitting doesn’t truly teach anything. Sure, your child may listen, but that’s out of shock and fear. Instead, you want him to develop an inner sense of right and wrong, and hitting simply doesn’t teach that.”
Have a great day, Lauren
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| posted by on 03/03/2008 02:34 PM
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| Lauren- you're so right! If you do the real research, you'll find the real answers. And, I noticed that in the paragraph you wrote, that it said "we all turned out just fine, right?"... uh, wrong. Have you looked around? There are so many messed up people in our country/world. I'm not saying that it all stems from spanking, but I'm sure it didn't help. Most psychological issues come from when we were young children. It has been proven. Little kids form their personalities and how they are going to be for the majority of their lives... when they are just that- little! Adding something in that teaches them in a negative way isn' t going to help the cause. I wonder, if we did an experiment where no one spanked/hit/swatted for a whole decade... what the outcome would be. Now that would be interesting! |
| posted by Rolawna on 03/03/2008 04:21 PM
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Ok, here I go again...last post, I promise, but check out this study posted on BabyCenter.com...scary stuff!!!!!
Study: Spanking linked to risky sexual behavior
Thu, Feb 28, 2008 (HealthDay News) — Researchers have uncovered another damaging consequence of spanking: risky sexual behaviors, or even sexual deviancy, when the child grows up.
"This adds one more harmful side effect to spanking," said Murray Straus, a spanking expert who was expected to present the findings of four studies at the American Psychological Association's Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, Md., on Thursday.
"I think that it's pretty powerful," said Elizabeth Gershoff, an assistant professor at the University of Michigan's School of Social Work. "It's across several studies and across different forms of either risky or deviant sexual behavior."
Straus, who was the author of all four studies, hopes the findings will raise awareness among child development experts.
"My hope is to convince my colleagues that they ought to put this in their textbooks," said Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, in Durham. "It's amazing. Something experienced by all American kids gets an average of half a page in child development textbooks, and not a single one comes to the conclusion that parents should never spank."
Even the revered Dr. Spock, who was anti-spanking, never came right out and advised parents outright not to do it, he added. Instead, Spock advised "avoiding it if you can."
A meta-analysis of spanking studies conducted by Gershoff found 93 percent agreement among studies that spanking can lead to such problems as delinquent and anti-social behavior in childhood along with aggression, criminal and anti-social behavior and spousal or child abuse as an adult.
"There's probably nothing else in child development that has 93 percent agreement in results," Straus said.
Five percent of people who have never been spanked hit their partners, versus 25 percent of those who were spanked frequently.
However, some 90 percent of U.S. parents spank toddlers, according to Straus.
The review being presented at the meeting are the first to look at the relationship of spanking to sexual behavior.
They found that spanking and other corporal punishment is associated with an increased probability of verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex; risky sex such as premarital sex without using a condom; and masochistic sex such as spanking during sex.
There is a "dose response" at work here. "The more parents spank, the higher the probability of harmful side effects," Straus noted.
Of course, there's a similar dose response for smokers. But if someone reaches the age of 65 without developing lung cancer, it doesn't mean that smoking isn't harmful. It means the person was one of the lucky ones.
It's the same with spanking, Straus said. "If a person says, 'I was spanked, and I don't have any interest in bondage and discipline sex, that's correct, but it's not because spanking is OK, it's because they're one of the lucky ones."
And spanking a child once may be like picking up that first cigarette. "The trouble is, if you have a 2-year-old, you pretty soon decide you can't avoid it. The recidivism rate for whatever 'crime' you correct a 2-year-old for is about 50 percent in two hours."
"I've been researching corporal punishment for 30 years and, in the course of that time, the evidence has accumulated that it doesn't work any better than non-corporal punishment but has harmful side effects. I have come to the conclusion that parents should never, ever spank because, although it does work, it's no better than non-hitting methods that don't have harmful side effects. If there was an FDA for spanking, they'd say use an alternative that doesn't have harmful side effects."
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| posted by on 03/05/2008 10:07 AM
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