last night, my bf's daughter, who is 10 and recently stopped wetting the bed, couldnt find her pee mats.  one we knew was left at a friends house, that left 2 missing.  i was already in my bed almost asleep.  he comes in the room turns on the light and demands to know where they are.  i say "idk they arent mine." he yells at me cause i must of put them in the laundry even though they were clean.  then yells at me cause i left the phone book on the other end on the bed.  he never yelled at his daughter once.

she found one but the other is still missing and NOT in the laundry.  i said i wanted an apology and he ignored it.  he never yelled at her for not knowing where HER pee mats were. 

since she's been back, he has been tiptoeing around her.  she slapped him in the face the other day, joking around, and he yelled at her.  she started to get all frumpy so he apologized to her for yelling then explained that she had hurt him so he yelled.

what is going on here????

It sounds like he was definitely in the wrong here. Asking you where something is at, is ok, but saying 'you mustve put it' somewhere was uncalled for. Its obvious that he is not directing his anger at his daughter; Im wondering if he is automatically trying to 'defend' her from you since you two had a bad relationship previously. So, he is defending her, while overly OFFENDING you.

As for the situation where she slapped him, he should have stood his ground when he yelled at her for it. It sounds like he was trying not to upset her, so maybe he is trying to make up for lost time. . ? I dont know about that, but if he keeps doing things like apoligizing after he reprimands or disciplines her, she will learn that she can walk all over him and will just pout or whatever she does, to get her way.

I think you should definitely try to sit down and discuss ALL of the issues you have posted here, with your fiance'. Try to explain to him that if his daugther will be living there, you two need to work out some ground rules. She MUST have boundaries, and you must work as a team to parent her as you do your own daughter. She cant feel like you are being mean and go ask her daddy for something and he says its ok. You and your fiance' need to be on the same page.

It's sounds like to me that he is adjusting to her being there. You said she just moved in? I think as a parent, if you havn't lived with your child and then she moves in with you...well for me anyway, I would feel like I had to make up for lost time regardless of how often he seen her when she didn't live with him. Maybe he feels like he let her down in some way.

The fact that he did not stand his ground to his daughter when she slapped him also makes me think that he feels bad for not having that "home" setting with her. But I think he also needs to realize that his is the father, and disciplining her is best in the long run.

The situation with the mat should not have gotten blamed on you. But once again it sounds like he is trying his best to make his daughter feel comfortable. But he also should realize that his daughter isn't the only one living in the house. Think of it this way, how would you feel if you where put in his situation? How would you act and what would you do it get your child to feel more comfortable in a new living enviorment. I don't want you to think I'm just taking his side. His actions towards you are unjustified.I really do understand how you feel. Just remember it's all about balance.

It's normal to feel the way you do, but I'm my opinion, I think you should give him some time and give yourself time to adjust. Jealously is very hard to deal with escpecilly in your situation. But because you love your boyfriend, I think you should put your feeling aside just for a little while until everything is adjusted. After a while, if things are still this way you should comfront him. If he chooses to NOT take your feelings into consideration then maybe you should consider leaving him.

Hope it all works out for you. And good luck!!!

LISA

You are a female and a mom.. Trust your gut/intuition.  All to often we ignore our mother instinct or we ask others for advice to convince ourselves that we are wrong.  Yes you maybe a little bit annoyed that your bf daughter lives with you.  However Trust your gut.  Can you consult a family counselor or a certified social worker in your area.  They do family counseling as well.  Print out your previous posts and discuss in detail your concerns, don't hold anything back and see what professional opinion they give you. Go to the appointment yourself see what they suggest.  keep us posted on your progress. 

Hi Erin,

You know really cant tell what the whole story is when you read bits and pieces of this venting group but i hope what I say will put a light on the situation.. As far as the wee wee pads go.. well its not appropriate to be yelled out because they are misplaced and the kid is flipping out over it... sounds like pure frustration to me...my question is Why is she wetting the bed at 10?  is it a physical thing or mental?