my stepdaughter just got back from a year with her mom out of state because she caused alot of problems here.  anyways her first day back, today, she brings a kitten home form a friends house.  the kitten, 9wks old, has fleas!!!  i had some houseguests that just left and their dog had fleas so i made them leave.

i am afraid to make the cat leave cause i am afraid of how things wll be here.  SD and i didnt ahve a good relationship[ b4 she left, things were very bad.  my fiance was the one who picked her up from the friends and he didnt say anything about the kitten to her just "you have to deal with erin about the cat, this is one you not me".  he thought it was funny.

Well you could deflea it and let her keep it.I would get it a flea collar and make her responcable for it. I think it would be good for her to have something to love.As for your df but he is right,if she is staying with you guys you will have to learn how to deal with her too. I am not sure what else to say.

I read the other post about the house guests as well, and it sounds like your DF is not willing to stand up for himself/ and his family. In this situation with your step daughter, it seems like he should have at least said something to her. . .like "I dont know if you will be able to keep the cat. We'll have to talk to Erin" or something along those lines. So, at least that way, if you dont want her to have it, it wont be a complete shock to her. How old is she?

From my personal view point, if I was with a man who I truly loved and wnated to marry, and he had a child from another relationship, I would do my best to get along with that child. So, I would suggest looking back at the issues you two had previously and decide what YOU could do on your end to make things better. Im sure dealing with another womans child can be difficult, but she is probably also dealing with issues, especially if she is bouncing back and forth between her mom and her dads house. Try having a heart to heart with her and let her know that you want things to be better than before and apoligize for anything you've done. Just try to be there for her.

As for the cat, thats your call I guess -but you could always bomb your house (since the dog that stayed there has already infested the house) and give the cat a flea bath and flea collar.

In a situation like this when your guy does not want to stand up for his self.  DONT MAKE STANDS FOR HIM it might work at first but afterwards you will have claimed deed to all the dirty work from now on. Ignore it, dont let it stress you. The fact is your guy could be just as stressed as you are eventually but he may take comfort in the fact that he knows you will handle it.  Ignore that kitty girl! Or else the first flea dip and you will own that kitty and all the responsiblities.  Eventually either the sd or the bf will get tired of it pooping and stinking and scratching them on the feet and stealing scraps off the table and they will come to you and say lets get rid of it.  At that point thats your time to shine. Save the day by doing something constructive like post a craigslist ad or network with a local orphanage or retirement/disability home with your SD to find a new home for the kitty.  Involve her so that you guys can bond.  If you do adopt the kitty out PLEASE SCREEN CAREFULLY.  If you make an investment of  "fixing" the kitty then if you keep it you wont be in for any surprises and if you dont keep it you can find a SINCERE owner who will not abuse it for overbreeding.  Make some visits an interview potential owners with your s.daughter.  Decide together that can be a step in bonding.