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| Raising Girls |
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Like I have said before my 4 year old is a sassy little thing! She is good for the most part but sometimes her actions and her mouth get her in trouble (like most kids). My mom tells me that I can't let her hurt my feelings but she still does. Lately she has been saying very hurtful things and I don't know where she gets them. In the past week she has said "You make me sick. I want to throw up!," "I want Sheri (her dad's girlfriend) to be my mommy b/c you're mean!," "You're the meanest mommy EVER!" And that's just the beginning of it. I'm at my breaking point with her (my first of many, I'm sure being that she's only 4 and we still have puberty and the teen years to battle).
I am a SAHM, so I'm with her pretty much all the time (other than Tuesdays and every other weekend b/c she's at her dad's house). It has even got me to the point where I'm considering going back to work b/c I don't want our relationship to be like this. I love my daughter and I give her all that I can, I play games with her and watch movies with her, take her places, buy her things ... this kid has a way better life than I ever had growing up. But nothing I do is ever good enough. My heart is breaking here, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm turning into a mean parent and yelling at her for the way she's acting isn't helping but neither is time out or taking toys/privileges away. Where do I go from here? WWYD? |
| Posted by Lindsey on 07/09/2007 04:07 PM
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| I really don't know what to tell you, but I wanted to ask if you have talked to her father about it? |
| posted by Cinda on 07/09/2007 04:11 PM
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| Her father is a liar and would deny if anything was going on at his house. Here's how I know ... when she was 18 months and I started to potty train her, I would report to him that she was doing good but had one accident that day or still in a pullup overnight and he would reply "Really? She hasn't had an accident at my house EVER and she sleeps in panties" Now I know that isn't true b/c accidents were a daily occurance at our house and she was still waking up with a wet pullup every night. Plus if you knew him ... you'd know he's a pathelogical liar ... always has been, always will be. |
| posted by Lindsey on 07/09/2007 04:19 PM
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| My husband had an x like that. She would lie to us about the stupidest things. Anyway, I would say it's stuff she's picking up at their house. Maybe that's how they talk to each other. Unfortunately, you can't control what she does, sees, or hears when she is with them. All you can do is continue to teach her right from wrong. I know it has to be hard to hear those things being said to you. Perhaps some counseling could help you deal with that part of it? Best of luck to you. When you share custody and there are not lines of communication your hands are pretty much tied. |
| posted by Cinda on 07/09/2007 04:28 PM
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| i'd suggest getting the book "parenting with love and logic" and there's one specifically aimed at her age. personally, i read the first one (by that title) and am gearing up to read the one for early childhood. |
| posted by Christina on 07/09/2007 04:36 PM
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| Have to tried a positive incentive chart? I would try not to react too emotionally. If she says something mean, just say, "We don't use words like that". Or if she says "you are the meanest mommy", just say, "I think I'm a great mommy and I love you". Present a chart to her and everytime she says something positive, she can put a sticker on the chart. You can determine how many stickers equal a reward. Young children need more of a short term reward......when she gets 10 stickers, let's say for example, then reward her with your attention.....playing a game, taking a walk, talking, singing, something that involves quality time. Try to be consistent and not let it hurt your feelings. She loves you more than anyone and she is trying things out for reactions. I hope this helps. |
| posted by Kara on 07/09/2007 04:45 PM
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Hi
I understand how you feel and it is difficult not to react when you hear things like that. But I would advise not to react and very lovingly tell her what she is saying is not right. Like if she tells you she would want someone else to be her mommy, tell her, "I am your mommy and I love you". I guess the key is not reacting because the more yu react the more she will act like that. It will take a lot of patience and time.
Kids love to get attention even if it is negative one.
Best of luck. |
| posted by Ekta on 07/10/2007 02:00 PM
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