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| Stay at Home Moms |
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| Ok so I posted something a while ago about help with my brother~in~law and sister~in~laws. So they had a party for my husbands parents 25 wedding annivarsary. They where so nice to me, asking me if I needed anything, talking to me, hugged me good bye and everything. So we went to a cook out on the 4th and NOTHING, not hey hows it going NOTHING. So I guess my question is what do I do??? I feel like they where fake just so nothing would happen at the party. Also I really don't wanna bring it up to husband because he does not see it the way I do. I just don't wanna start a fight about it. I want to tell him how I feel but how do I do it without starting a fight?? :( |
| Posted by Jeanette on 07/06/2007 03:13 PM
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you've got to tell your husband . . .he's your only allie ... site the examples you gave to us and then he'll pay attn from now no!
Good luck!
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| posted by Rochelle on 07/06/2007 03:38 PM
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I feel for you that you are in this type of situation because it sounds like it is "Eating you up". Men are not in tune as much as women are and if you are feeling uncomfortable then your feelings should be validated even though he may not agree. You should be his first priority. I remember you saying in another email that your husband said he spoke to his family about this, but it sounjds like that didn't help. I recommend that you ALL sit down and talk - your brother-in-law, sister-in-laws, husband and you. But set some ground rules in the beginning that noone may attack the other person verbally or no put-downs. Always start with the way you feel and use words like "it seems as though........... For example, "When we have family get togethers, I feel uncomfortable, it seems as though you don't want me there. I would like to have a good relationship and I was wondering what I could do to make our relationship better". Even though it sounds like you are making efforts and they are not treating you very nicely, people with this kind of immaturity will react unfavorably if you attack them, so becareful with your words.Remember, your husband should be supportive and recognize that your are having a problem and be willing to do all that he can to help! If you decide not to talk to his family and things do not improve, you will have to give up and just not expect them to have a relationship with you. Just go to the get togethers and don't make any effort, then you won't be dissappointed. I hope everything gets better for you and it does not put a strain on your marriage I have been in a situation where my husband's mother is distant and she will praise him when he makes dinner, but when I make dinner, there is not praise, no thank you. There have been other things which I have brought up to my husband and over the years, he does now see some things. Sometimes, he does say something to his parents, but he feels like he is in the middle and wants to respect his parents. But he does listen and validate how I feel. I have also learned to let some things go because I know that Moms are very protective of their sons! Please let us know what happens and how things are going.
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| posted by Kara on 07/06/2007 04:04 PM
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Some people, no matter how hard you try, will just never get along with you. To show undeniable maturity and grace on your part would be to drop it and from this moment on expect nothing from them. Then if they do say "hello", you will pleased, but if they don't you won't be 'anything'.
This may or may not help, but my husband and I were in a similar situation. His dad would constantly complain to him about what a bad mother he thought I was. After trying to be polite to his dad and it didn't work, my husband and his dad got into a full on shouting match which ended badly. To this day, relationships are strained. Even a polite discussion can turn into something horrible when irrational (your in-laws) people are invovled.
You have an opportunity to show your unconditional love to your husband by sacraficing your need to get to the bottom of this. (As long as they have never done anything malicious.) Hope this helps! |
| posted by Nikki on 07/06/2007 04:51 PM
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| Jeanette, I am in the same boat as you. My brother-in-laws wife is very antiscoail, and I like most woman could probably talk until my head fell off. I have tried t omake small talk with her, but it usually ends with me getting one word answeres. I have made comments to my husband and he said just to quit trying to be so nice, that if she doesn't want to talk then don't. The funny thing is she will say hi to my husband in a heartbeat. I sent her a mother's day card, and I didn't even get a thank you or a happy mothers day back. The only time she did talk to me was when I was pregnant and we had a date night with them and one other couple. Liquor was involved and I made the comment that we should have her drinka few drinks every time she comes around so that she will be friendly. Well her husband was a little tipsy and it didn't end to a good night. I had written a letter of appology and stated that I would like to be friends with her, but if all we can do is be courdial then so be it. She wrote me a letter back and that was the end of that. I have decided that I don't care any more the rest of the family talks to me and is very friendly and loving. Don't let it stress you out to uch, I know what kind of strain that can do. If you point it out to your husband as it happens he will have a better understanding of what is going on. Good luck and let us know what you end up doing. |
| posted by naomi on 07/06/2007 07:28 PM
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| Dont do anything. Leave your husband out of it, its his family so dont make him choose, you may lose. i would just not say anything and when you go to family functions, try to find someone not related to talk to or just stay quiet and play with your kids, talk to your husband about stupid stuff or just help clean up. its better not to make it worse and if you keep this up, you will find they have nothing bad to say about you and may go out of their way to be nicer to you. |
| posted by MARYANNE on 07/06/2007 08:59 PM
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| Short but sweet. Your husband already chose you when he married you!!! I have had issues with in-laws and it's as simple as this. I talked to my hubby and as scared as I was about it I was honest. He noticed stuff too and we now have a stronger bond. Men don't always see what we do (especially when family is involved) but they have been around these people their whole lives. I found it helpful to ask him how to deal with them. We all have different personalities and we can;t change who they are. I am more at ease around them now that I know my love is by my side backing me up!!!! |
| posted by K on 07/12/2007 01:37 PM
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