I'm in serious need of some help.  This is going to be long so please forgive me.

I'm the mom of 2 little guys, 2 and 4.  My 4 year old has reached a point where he won't listen to a darn thing I say...literally!  When I tell him to stay inside he goes out another door.  I tell him to stay in the backyard and he goes through the gate...so we put a padlock on the gate and now he climbs the fence.  I tell him to go to his room and he fights me; argues, yells, kicks, screams, hits...EVERYTHING!!!  I put him in time out and he walks away from me.  I have literally tried everything but spanking him constantly!  It has gotten to the point that I literally cannot take him to the store without problems...he climbs out of the buggy, screams, yells, hits, you name it he does it!  We had to leave the store yesterday because he caused such a scene!!!

Now my 2 year old is starting all of this because he sees his big brother doing it, so I not only have 1 boy out of control I have 2!  They leave the yard and I don't know.  Yesterday he snuck out the front and I didn't know.  I found him up the block and we have some crazies that live around us.  They dig up my flowers, veggies, throw things, tear things apart, hurt each other physically, it's awful and I don't know what to do any more.

Yesterday he started this crap of; I don't love you, I want you to go away, I don't want you to talk to me, I don't want you around me...saying anything hurtful that he can think of.  This whole situation is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do about it.

We have 1 set of kids in our neighborhood and their parents let them run wild...play in the street, wander off and don't watch them, crazy things like that and I don't want my kids doing stuff like that...but they already are.

Can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong.  I am so frustrated with the whole situation that I am beginning to hate being home and being around my kids.  I hate getting out of bed because I know how they are going to act and I don't want to face the day.  I want to walk out the door and never look back!!  I know that's terrible to say but if you understood at all what I was going through you would understand why I feel the way I do.

For some reason, the post I just wrote didn't go through... so this won't be as detailed...

but first, I'm so sorry you are having a tough time, every mom has her tough times!

My advice would be to avoid going anywhere near nap time or feeding time. Keep snacks and juice boxes in the car incase you need to bribe them. ;) Structure your day so that you have a chance to tire them out. I notice when I plan an activity for my kids after breakfast, they take better naps and the rest of the day runs smoothly... if we stay in the house, they let loose later on and then it gets crazy! I do mommy groups, but I try to not do them two days in a row, cause sometimes too much structure is hard on them, they just need to run around in an open space some days...

I surround myself with things to encourage me since I don't get the compliments or praise I need, so I read mommy blogs, and mommy books, I just picked up Mom and Loving It... Its so awesome! I stick it in my purse and read a few pages whenever I can and its helped me soooo much! I highly recommend it! I listen to radio shows that support what Im doing as a SAHM, and like I said before, Im in mommy groups from meetup.com.

My son isnt 4 yet, but my bestfriend's is and she had the same problem until she put him in a rec sport and a 1/2 day program a few times a week, he just had so much energy and once he had an outlet he was 100% better at home, his attitude was calmer towards his mom and his 3 younger siblings. Maybe there is a program in your neighborhood that he can do a few times a week for an hour or more that will allow him to get all his energy out so he's not taking it out on you.

Motherhood is exhausting, just do your best to be organized and have the energy and structure to get things running smoothly... and get as much help as you can!!!

so, hows your support system? does dad let him get a way with more things, or undermind what you say to your 4 year old?  Thats the first big thing. The next would be consistancy. You have probably heard this a MILLION times, but you give in one time and the kid wins. Then the next time, they behave worse, because they are tying to get you to give in again. It may take 3 hours of putting your child back in time-out, but better than doing it for the next 10 years, right. My mom used to think I was to hard on my son. He would do his time-outs a lot, but he is now 5 and a half, RARELY is put in time-outs, because he knows he will get there if he keeps pushing. And I dont care where we are. I have given him timeouts in stores( who cares what others thing...go outside if you need to) and have even pulled over to the side of the road and took him out of the car for timeouts because of throwing things. Another good concequence is something that fits the crime. EX: dumping juice on the floor, he gets to clean it. one more thing, try not to scream...they know they have ya when you start to scream and lose control! I have worked with kids for a long time, and not to toot my own horn, but I get complaments on my sons good behavior all the time! Its hard to stay consistant when they are young, and can be exhausting, but stick with it! Its worth it in the long run! This is easier said than done, but if your son keeps sneaking out the gate....dont let him outside! He will get it eventually, especially if you play up all the fun hes missing by not going out there. ( like maybe a game of tag with you)