My daughter is turning 1 year old this month. I am in college working toward a career so that I will be able to one day support the two of us. And I have a part time job. But right now I can only afford to live in my parents' basement.  It's a separate apartment with its own kitchen, entry, etc... but my mom doesn't work so any time I need a babysitter so that I can get ready for school/work, GO to school/work, or study, she's there.  And when my mom has her, all she has to do is play with her.  When she is with me, I'm probably doing something else too, like cleaning, studying, something.  And even if I'm not, it seems like I rarely have the energy to be silly and goofy with her like her grandparents are. She favors them over me, she even favors my boyfriend over me.  

I get really down about it a lot.  I can only take it so many times of her crying and trying to get away from me when she is in the presence of her grandparents or my boyfriend.  

I know that in a couple years I will be done with school and be settled down so that I can be a real mom to her, but will that be too late by then to reverse the damage? I mean the way her grandparents spoil her and she sees them as her parents right now I'm pretty sure...

And what do I do until then? I have a tendency towards depression and I don't know if I can handle it for that long, especially since I'm about to go into nursing school which I've heard takes your life away because you have to spend so much time studying! I'm a wreck! Help!

I know exactly what you are going through!  My two neices who are 10 and 13 now, were babysat all the time by their stay at home Grandma while their Mom went to school and held a part-time job.  They ate all of their meals there and even slept their even though their house was just across the road.  Their grandma is really silly and fun to be around.  When they go down slides, she goes down slides.  When they flip over bars, she flips over bars.  Ofcourse the kids have a blast with her!  She is kind of woman who draws kids to her like a magnet. 

When I became a part of this family, I saw how the kids would run right past their Mom to say hello to their Grandma, even though they were gone the same amount of time.  I vowed that if we ever had children, I would not let this happen!

We now have a son who is 16 months old, and we moved across town.  He spends only a couple hours a week with Grandma, and do you know what happened?  He prefers Grandma to me too!!!  Some people are just really good with kids.  I get told all the time how lucky I am to be part of a family who is so supports one another so thouroughly.  I have a babysitter who my son adores, and I don't feel guilty about leaving him because he doesn't cry!  I love not feeling guilty! 

Today, my neices and their Mom still eat most of their meals with their family.  Both of my neices are in talented and gifted progrmas at school.  They both have loving and stable relationships with their entire family.  This is the type of family where if someone is in a play, and their only part is as the sound person, the entire family goes to the play to support one another.  

Your child is not damaged.   She is maturing exactly like she is supposed to.  Children naturually prefer their caregivers while they are young.  The good thing for you is that this person is your Mom and your boyfriend.  People that you love, and not some stranger you picked to be her babysitter.  Your daughter loves you too.  You are her Mom, and no matter what you do, she will always love you, unconditionally.   

Trust me when I tell you that you are very, very lucky to have the support you are getting.  I have two single Mom friends.  One had to do everything on her own, in her own apartment, and the other lived with her parents.  I would take the support from living with my parents any day!  That is, if I was lucky enough to have supportive parents like you do!

Since I tried to have my son not spend as much time with his Grandma, and it has backfired anyway!  I am taking full advantage of a wonderful Grandma, and taking some much needed Mommy Time!

Hi.  I completely agree with Julie.  I work part-time right now and am thinking of going full time.  My parents live far away, but my husband's parents are fantastic.  My son, Liam goes crazy when he sees them and I'm so happy about that.

About the depression, I would talk to your doctor A.S.A.P!  If your doctor prescribes medication for you, it can take a couple weeks for it to start working.  I've been having a lot of financial problems, etc. myself, so I've made an appointment to see my doctor next week even though I don't like discussing personal matters with her.  lol, I should get another doctor, but that's another story.

P.S. I think my husband was right when he said that parents that wonder if they're going to be good parents, are usually better parents than the parents that don't even think about it.

I have in some manners been in the same boat as you.  I hope I can help make you feel better. 

I have a lot of health issues and I am not able to get on the floor and run and play with my son like I would really really love to.  My mom has played a very big part in helping raise my son along with my husband.  I am a stay at home mom though. 

I have heard my husband say to my son when I walked in the room once that "here comes mommy, it's all business now."  Of course I kind of got on him about that, but anyway I noticed that my son would rather be with his father or my parents as opposed to me.  This used to hurt me really bad.  I talked to my mom about it and she said that a lot of kids are just kind of like that.  He sees me a lot and so seeing Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy are exciting to him.  That the time will come that he will want no one other than Mommy.  I didn't see this happening.  Also he has been saying dada for a really long time now and my husband seemed bothered by it.  He would walk around trying to get him to say mama, but my son wouldn't do it.  I really thought about this and actually prayed one day and I realized that motherhood is an extremely thankless job.  But I saw all the ways that I do get thanked for what I do.  A perfect example is when I go to bed each night I go in to check on my son and I always rub his head and say Mommy loves you and I will see you in the morning.  Without fail he will smile in his sleep.  That is soooooo all the thanks that I need to know that my son does love me.  Also I started trying to do more with him.  Read him books, getting on the floor for as long as I can.  It didn't take much until he started really responding to it.  I noticed that he would run to me when he would get hurt or become frustrated with something.  Try not to let yourself get to wrapped up in the day to day things with life and make sure that you spend at least a little time reading or playing or singing, anything.  I am sure it will make a difference.  And also remember that there will come a day when Mom will be the only one that is good enough in your child's eyes.  You are a Mom, you are stong, and you are never thanked enough, but hang in there.   

Girl... take advantage of your situation!  My daughter only wants to be with me & as great as that may sound, sometimes you NEED a break & u cant alway be w/ them 24/7.  I work F/T so I have to leave my daughter w/ a baby sitter, but other than her, I dont leave her alone w/ anyone else. My mom works F/T & is going to school F/T & her paternal grandma is out of town.  I just recently started doing things like going to the market w/ out my daughter (I leave her w/ her dad). The second I walk in the door she wants to be w/ me. I think baby's have an instinct & KNOW who their mommy is even if you cant be there as often as you want to be. And I truly believe the quality of time u spend w/ ur baby is worth more than the quantity. So just make the best of the little free time you have to spend w/ her & u should be good.