My daughter just turned 2 last week.  When my husband and i started planning our family we said we wanted to start trying after our first one turned 2.  Now the time has come and he says he wants to wait another year or two.  I don't want to, i want my children to be close in age.  His job pays pretty darn well, I get to stay home with katie now, but the hours are really crappy.  He works 4 on 4 off 12 hr shifts with a 2 hour commute each way so when he works he's gone 16 hrs.  I think my daughter is ready for another baby and i know i am.  My problem is do i just go off my birth control and not say anything and when it happens just go well oops!  Or do i try and convince him that it's time.  He's wanting to move to another state(to St. Louis, MO from MT) pending a different job, but he hasn't even applied for the other job, let alone been offered it.  I don't think he will apply for this job and i don't want to wait a year and a half just to find out that we're not going to move after all.  I don't want to lie to my husband but at the same time i can't make him see things my way.  He just puts his foot down and says no absolutly not.  Anyone got any advice?

I can definitly understand your point of view that you want your children close in age and that you had previously discussed the plan to start trying for baby #2 when your daughter turned 2. I do however think that it is a bad idea to just go off birth control as it could cause major problems between you and your husband as well as being unfair to your second child as he may feel resentment to the child. I think your best bet is to try and sit down and talk to him and try and see if you can come to any compromises maybe wait 6 months to start trying since he says a year and you say now or maybe find out his reasoning on wanting to wait now maybe its something you can work through now. I know it may not be exactly what you wanted to hear but i think you are asking for only trouble if you make the decision without working it out first. I wish you the best of luck though and hope everythign works out for the best!!!

I agree with Lynn, lies only bring trouble and in a marriage is worst. The trust gets lost and everying goes down like in domino.  Have you consider he might want to spend more time with the second child, I mean giving him more quality time since he has not been able to do that with your DD.  Maybe by switching jobs or getting a better shift he might be able to do that.  Have you think about the time you will want to spend with your new baby and having a terrible twos toddler at the same time.  I get what you said having them close in age.  I thought of that myself (DD will be 2 in two month), but I just can imagine how is to have a terrible twos child and a new baby crying both at the same time I will wait another 6 month, therefore by time the baby comes DD will be in age for pre-school.  But every mommy is different and handle their kids different, you might do great with two kids close in age.  I know that I need my DD in pre-school at 3 and then a new baby.

I wish my husband could get a better shift but he works at a mine and it's 2 hours from here.  The main reason he wants to wait is because he wants to move to St. Louis and get settled before we try for another one.  The problem with that is i really don't want to move.  My family is here.  I had post partum depression really bad with katie and i dont' want to deal with that again by myself.  When we had katie we lived in the area of st. louis and my hub didn't handle being a new dad and, for lack of a better word, psychotic wife.  I'm scared to death to move back there because i'm afraid things will be the same.  I've told him this and he just throws a fit and says ok fine then we won't move.  I know it's his dream to move back there and be a cop.  I support him with being a cop i just don't think i can live there again.  I have no family there, and i had very few friends.  In my mind if we had another baby here we'd stay here.  I think i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't

Have you tried to see if there are ways to compromise on the big issues.  For example, he wants to move to st. louis and be a cop.  Is it possible for him to enter law enforcement where you are now.  If there are other things in st. louis that draws him, is there a possiblity of you moving midway between there and where you are?  That way you would be close to your family as well as whatever is in st.louis.  For your own sake, I say do not just give in and move because that's what he wants.  You need to both be happy with your choice.  Is there the possiblity of underlying reasons as to why he wants to move to that particular city?  Those are things to think about before deciding to move.

In regards to the baby issue, I agree with the ladies to not lie to your husband about the pill.  It woul dnot be good for your marriage to just go off the pill without telling him.  If/when he found out, he would most likely feel very betrayed and resentful.  However, because your on the pill, you have the decision to go off.  You could tell your husband that you are tired of taking it and tell him you plan to stop.  Then the responsiblity of birth control is on your husband and not you.  If he does not like condoms, that's him problem.  Doing it this way, if you were to end up pregnant, it will not be because you lied to him about using birth control and he will know that the possiblity is there.  This is kind of what I did with my husband.  For the first 6 years of our marriage, I was on the pill.  It always made me feel sick though, so I stopped taking it.  I did eventually get pregnant, and my son is now 2.5.  I am ready for baby #2 byt DH is not.  Birth control is up to him though.  I don't try to use any and I don't remind him about it.  Another thought on the birthcontrol pill- I have read and heard from doctors that it can take the body up to 1 year to get back to normal after being on the pill.  They also say that it can take as much as 6 months before the body even starts ovulating again.  You can use this as your reason for going off the pill. Then, if something were to happen after you told him you were off the pill...

Hope this information helps and ya'll are able to talk it out and work everything out.  It's important to make decisions like moving and having a baby as a family and try to compromise when you want different things.  You need to make sure your happy with the decisions as well.

I can understand you being afraid of PPD with your second one.  I have a friend which had it and it helped to be into mommy groups and going to class everyday at gymboree.  She didn't have family in the US so practically was alone going thru it.  That to me is a mayor reason for being so close to the family and stay that way.  Seems to me there are mayor issues to resolve in your marriage than just trying to have a baby.  And if just talking about it with him is not working maybe some counseling will help for him and you to see each other points.   My advice to you (although it sounds easy to say it than get it done) is to try to resolve them before having your second one.  A happy marriage leads to a happy family and happy kids.  Good luck Amanda!

My husband said he only wanted one....only after I thought he wanted more than that. When our son was 6 months old i decided that i might be ready for another as well, and he said absolutely not. I went off of birth control, because it was causing me problems, and told him to be careful if he didnt want anymore kids....then it happened right away! He was a little upset at first, and I was nervous about that....but after 2 weeks or so he was fine with the idea. I convinced him that since i am home all the time it really should be up to me whether or not I can handle it.