Hey, guys. I need a little bit of advice.

I've been with this guy for about a year and a half now. He's 21 and I'm turning 19 this May. He was in the military when I met him, but he hadn't finished his training. He did split-ops, and went to Basic before I met him, and when he was finished up with high school, he went to AIT.

I was with him when he left for AIT. He ended up having to stay for about 5 months, but I was willing to stay with him, even if he did stay in the military. I wasn't fond of it at all, and he knew this, but I was willing.

Anyway, he finally decided to find a way out of the military for me. He went AWOL from AIT, came home for a few days, then went back to Fort Leonard Wood. He failed the PT test a few times until they let him come home.

So, now he's home for good, but now he's talking about being in a band with his friends. I told him that I don't want to deal with being away from him, in case his band gets signed. I told him that I wanted the whole distance thing to die with his military career. I just don't want anymore distance.

To this, he said that he would take me on tour with them.

Now, I'm quite certain that not all companies will allow non-band members to travel with them, and I told him this. To this he replies, "Well, then I'll tell the company that I refuse to do it if you're not allowed to come with me."

And before this, he was making a big fuss about "letting his band mates down" because I was telling him that I didn't want him to do the band thing. Wouldn't it be "letting them down" even more if they actually got somewhere in their career, and he said no? At least, that's how I see it.

Besides, he's not thinking of my future. I don't want to just sit around at home while he makes all the money. He knows that I want to work. I can't just say, "Hey, boss... uh... boyfriend's band is goin' on tour... so, uh, yeah... gonna be taking about a month or three off of work. See ya!"

Another thing that makes me mad is that he thinks that being in a band will equal a lot of money. He wants me to think of him as a paycheck, something that his mom was trying to get in my head while he was in the Army. She wanted me to convince him to stay in, because he'd be making a crap load of money. I told him the same thing I told her: "I'm not going to view you as a paycheck. I don't care about being loaded if it means having to be away from you for that long."

Before I finish this up, I have another thing to add: When I got on our laptop this morning, I saw that he was searching for jobs in NASA. I'm aware how hard it is to get a NASA job, but still... it's like he is looking for ways to be away from me.

So, please send me some advice. I'd prefer it if you sent it to me over MySpace: www.myspace.com/brutallymetal. Thanks.

It's not quite as simple as all that. It's a bit shameful to admit, but I get very depressed if we're not together for long periods of time, and while he was at AIT, I got a little suicidal.

I wasn't seriously considering it, but I felt depressed enough for it to be a possibility. I can't do the distance thing. After the whole military deal, I just don't have it in me.

Hey Tara -

Don't be ashamed about admitting to bouts of depression and bits of suicidal thoughts. I have been there.

One time when my guy and I were first "dating" but not "together" - he left for a month abroad. There was no communication and I didn't know if I was going to hear from him ever again. I can say I was so depressed at that time I felt suicidal, even though I knew I wouldn't do anything.

I have been with my guy for 3 years now. Lots of 24/7 together time all at once. And then lots of 24/7 distance apart time all at once. I get very depressed when aren't together for long periods of time as well. This year will be the test because it's the heaviest tour year we will have to go through so far.

It's taken me this long to get a better hold of myself when he leaves for tour. As much as I try it never seems to get easier. Sometimes I just have to pretend he doesn't exist. Or just get really angry about it. That is the only way to save me. I used to fall apart for a week or two. And now.. well I bounce back quicker. I guess from experience. Even though it's still not easy.

In reading your 1st post... yea touring with a band brings on a whole set of challanges. But bands has to make it first before they can tour or have a bus or do all that glamourous stuff. There are millions of unknown bands out there that don't "make it " ( in terms of the industry ) so kinda sounds like he's counting his chickens before they hatch... unless he's going into an established band.

And yea, it all depends on the company and the artist to if you can go along and tour with your guy. Well if your guy is the artist - then of course he makes the call.

My guy has worked for about 4 different artists in the time we have been together. Everyone is different. Some I've been able to go along tour with and others... absolutely not. Just depends on all sorts of stuff.

Well I can say you've had great training for being with a future musician touring, being with a military guy. I always describe to everyone that I feel like a "military wife". The distance thing sucks. You do have to question if you can do it or not. It takes a lot of soul searching.

Anyway. Hope I helped.