Hello!!!! So.....can any men out there tell me why a man would put his family on the line for non physical yet intimate relationships with women, most of which he hasn't met. My husband has a child from a previous relationship (the relationship ended almost 7 years ago apprx.). The child is nine years old. In the beginning of our relationship things were okay with the child mother until she started calling constantly, all hours of the night, and most of the time when the child wasn't home. She later sent topless photos of herself to my phone. After that I put my foot down and told my now husband that regardless of them having a child together she had no right to disrespect me and our home that way and she only needed to call to talk to james on a need to know-discussions about their son basis.  He agreed with me, or so I thought. I went through my entire pregnancy always suspecting that he was  carrying on a friendship with her but he always made me feel like I was insecure and paranoid. I'll try to shorten the rest of the story (sorry). Come to find out he had been having a friendship with her for a year behind my back. they called eachother 15 to 20 times a day on a daily basis. He admitted that it had nothing to do with his son and that at times she would try to convince him to leave me but did not feel that was a reason to stop the friendship since they had "always talked that way". Later I accidentally discovered an email when he forgot to log off to a woman in canada telling her how in love he was with her and got very sexually/emotionally graphic  and I was still the one who was OVER REACTING. I then discovered that he had been calling dating services to chat on the phone with local women (phone sex I suppose) and it just all piled on at once. There were also secret email accounts. We almost split up and it seems to have stopped about 6 months ago but i have become isanely paranoid because i was in the dark for so long. We have two children together and I can't make myself trust him again, I just wanted a mans persepective on why he would put our family through this for internet and phone relationships????????? Can someone like that change?

I know you want a reply from a male, which I'm not, but you deserve much better.  I wouldn't tolerate what he is putting you through from anyone, but I don't walk in your shoes and don't know the details of your situation.   It isn't your issue, it is his issue, but it looks like he needs professional help.  To get to the point, you either accept it and perhaps try to get him help or you decide that you deserve better and move on.  I hope you don't think that it is you because he would do the same thing to any woman he is with. 

I agree 100 percent with Lenna.

Let me add that I think he's gross and immature.

Well, I didnt want to say anything that was too harsh, but these ladies summed it up. When you said you where looking for a guys opinion, I took that as my que not to respond to this yesterday. Yeah but, I agree with Lenna and Lauren, ditto!  Thats a difficult topic, my "wordly" mind says dump-the-chump but since I am a christian I feel compelled to remind you that the LORD can fix ANY PROBLEM! I started to say sometimes things dont always seem jow they look, but dang I dont know what else to tell ya. I wish you guys well.

I know exactly how you feel. My childrens father did the same thing. He doesnt have any other children, so we didnt have the situation w/ a childs mother, but Im pretty sure he cheated on me w/ someone he says was 'just a friend' that hes known since before we met. I found txt msgs w/ him calling her sexy and her saying she was going to a concert just to see him, and all types of things you shouldnt say to a 'friend' when you have a woman at home .and I also found out he was calling singles chatlines. At the time I was working overnight shift, out of necessity, trying to work around his work schedule and I saw that he would make a call practically AS SOON as I walked out the door for work, like 11:30 at night. and he would have calls all throughout the night, and I would also see other numbers on the bill, after he hung up with the chatline, so I figured he was getting the girls numbers and calling them directly. We had been going through some things prior to that, and I had met someone and was talking to him, and his excuse was if I could talk to someone else, he could to. So lame. Its not the same thing when you are calling a chatline, as it is meeting someone in person. Anyway, he stopped for a while and then started again, or I would see the chatline number on the phone bill sometimes. Eventually he got his own cell phone in his name, and stopped using the one on my account. That should tell you something. I dont know why guys would do that.

On the flip side a friend of mine has a boyfriend that was looking at porn online ALL THE TIME while she was at work. She found thousands of files or websites that he had been to, and confronted him, and I think they went to some kind of therapy and he doesnt do it anymore b/c he wanted to keep his woman. I dont know if its something they can control or not. . . or why they would call a chatline. .I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do.