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| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
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Hello,
Being a first time mom is wonderful. I love spending time with my baby and watching him grow right before my eyes. He has been my inspiration to work harder and not be afraid to live up to my potential as a mother and overall person. My significant other whom I love very much, had a daughter prior to our relationship. She's four years old, and behaves as though she is twenty four years old at times. I feel like that I have been put on parent overdrive within the last two months. I love his daughter, I look at her as she is my own, but I know that I will never be her mom. Her mother is supportive and doesn't cause any problems. She doesn't live with her mom because her mother wanted her to live in an area with better schools. So now Bri is living with her father, little brother, and me. I feel completely over whelmed with everything. My son is only five months old and he is a handful all in it self, plus I have work, and house work and a relationship to maintain. Sometimes I feel like the wicked step mother because I'm always having to tell her to stop touching something, or watch where she is going, or repeat myself to her a million times. I get very frustrated with her and sometimes when I correct her on her behavior she smirks. She is very bright for her age, so she says things that seem very mature. I tell her she is a child and she does not speak that way to me or any other adult. Her father believes she is trying to test me when he is not there. He has to tell her over and over to listen to me when he is not at home. Bri's mother even said that I can discipline her, but I really am uncomfortable with that. I let her know when her daddy gets home than he will have to talk to her. He makes the impact, but it starts all over again. I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but I feel like I have to handle this now before she really walks over me. Anyone have any advice? |
| Posted by Kendall on 07/01/2007 03:33 PM
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| I sympathize with your situation. I have a niece that has been spending some time with me too. She is a little older but you have to discipline child when they make the mistakes, waiting for your husband to come home is confusing to your stepdaughter. She needs to relate the action with the consequence. Time outs are effective, but she needs to apologize to you when time is up and you need to look her in the eyes and tell her what she did and that it isn't exceptable. I hope this helps! |
| posted by Elizabeth on 07/01/2007 05:22 PM
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| Kendal I agree that it is hard to have to be the wicked step mother, but don't be uncomfortable. She is part of your family, and what happens in your house is your responsibility. You have such a great heads up on things since her birth mother told you to discipline her. If she doesn't get in trouble until her father gets home you are adding stress to his day where he soon may feel that he is the only disciplinarian in the house, as well as telling her she can do as she pleases until her father gets in. I know because this is exactly what I use to do to my father and his ex wife. It might be a way of getting attention she may feel left out because you have your son. Also if you continue to let this go on your son may learn the same behavior and think he can get away with it as he gets older as well. Maybe you can include her in things that she isn't usually part of. Helping bathe or feed your son help with dinner, the little things like that will help her feel that she is important to you as much as your new addition. Good luck. Let us know how things turn out. |
| posted by naomi on 07/01/2007 06:32 PM
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| Kendall, I know how you feel. My fiance has two children from his first marrage. His son is 16 and daughter is 8 (going on 30). They are here every weekend and it was hard for all of us to adjust to each other, and then the added stress of a new baby. Before I moved in it was a free for all for the kids, thier dad let them do anything they wanted. Now that I am here I had to set some rules. They acted up at first but I reminded them that I am the adult and this is my house too. As a step-parent you are responsible for her, so don't be afraid to discipline her (taking away a favorate toy of something like that), if you let her walk on you now it will stay that way. It can be stressful having the baby too, maybe have her spend time at her mothers house since school is out this way you can get a break. |
| posted by on 07/01/2007 09:02 PM
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