Since having children and becoming a SAHM, I have become VERY insecure in my marriage. My husband travels a lot with his job and works with lots of woman at that. I feel like I am being so paranoid, looking through his emails and facebook account when he leaves his accounts open. Everytime his blackberry goes off I am wondering if its from another woman or even when he leaves the house to do work in the office I wonder if he's going to see another woman. He's never cheated on my as far as I know and I never acted this way before I was a SAHM. Do I tell him of my insecurities or do I try and handle this on my own?  I guess my thinking is since I'm a stay at home mom there might be other more attractive and more successful woman out there preying on my husband. AHH its driving me crazy, I've never acted like this before. Is it because if he does cheat their is so much at stack? I mean we have 2 young kids I would be devasted and their lives would be turned upside down. Any suggestions/opinions?

Trust is a fundamental part of any marriage. I understand what you are going through while my husband doesn't work with many woman he travels freguently. In the past two weeks he spent two days in Kansas and five in California. I would tell your husband what your going through and see if you both can come up with solutions that will set your mind at ease. Maybe sending you a e-mail during the day and him calling in the evening after the kids are asleep so you can both talk about what you did during the day will help. It will let you know that he's thinking about you. Best of luck.

Thank you Jennifer. My Husband does call atleast once during the day but I do agree that I might have to talk to him about it. I just don't know how to start of the discussion. Thanks again for your input.

I would open the discussion by stating some things that he does that make you happy and then talk specifically about things that have changed since you have become a stay at home mom and how that is making you feel.

i would be open and honest with him. hes your husband, you should be able to talk to him about anything; and whether or not hes cheating, you two whould have to decide what to do about it if he is. i would think though that he would be fully aware of whats at stake, and would probably be too bussy with work supporting everyone to do so, but ,you never know. i would definately talk to him.

You definitely need to communicate your fears to him. Make sure that he understands it isn't because he has given you any reason not to trust him, but rather something inside of you. It is completely understandable and normal to have some insecurities. I am sure we all have experienced it. I know that as irrational as it is, sometimes I have fleeting worries that since having the baby my husband will not find me as attractive, but I realize it is my own insecurities about how my body has changed. Until you talk about it though these feelings will haunt you, and your husband may even resent your mistrust if he finds out that you have been keeping tabs on him and not communicated with him.

Pam, I've had the same thoughts. My husband doesn't travel, but he has a job that stereotypically does lead to spouses cheating (police officer). I think you should tell your husband exactly what you put in your post. It seems that you do trust him, just not the other women that he works with (which was exactly my case). I would tell him that. I would also definitley stop going through his emails and facebook, unless you talk to him about it. If you feel like it is wrong, it probably is. How would you feel if you found out he was going through your email or facebook (if you have one) because he thought you were cheating? I've found that if something is bothering me, I always talk with my husband about it and I ALWAYS feel better after I have.

Good luck.

Pam, It sounds like your husband hasn't really given you any reason to suspect him of cheating however; we can relate.  My husband travels and at times it was even with other women.  I found that when those thoughts popped into my head it was because I was feeling down about myself and really mistrusting him. 

It sounds like this is something you both can work out.  I have to agree with Liz going through his email and FB not a good idea.  But that said it is done and you can't undo it but you can move on from it. 

Let him know that at times you feel insecure be honest.  This way you won't put him on the defensive.  The reason this group is so popular is because many of us are dealing with all kinds of issues being a SAHM.

I know somedays I let myself go and then the kids demand so much time there is barely any left for my husband let alone ME time.  It can get weary at times but I wouldn't want to do it any other way.  I love being a SAHM. 

So talk with your husband about it but also think about what is making you feel this way too.  Probably the women he works with are dressing up and getting their hair and nails done blah blah blah.  I know when I was in the work place I use to put on the makeup and stuff and somedays I think geeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh who is that person in the mirror LOL if I even get a chance to see myself in the mirror.  Bathroom time alone with a 3 and 5 yr old rarely happens LOL.

This is just  a suggestion but make a list of what you think your husband would find attractive in these women at work THEN and really if you are honest make a list of all the attractive qualities you have which is WHY HE MARRIED you.

I'm not talking physical stuff althought I'm sure you are just as beautiful as any of the women he works with I mean what you bring to the marriage.  Imagine you take care of the kids, you manage the house, and if you are really honest with yourself you will find he is more successful at work because you are efficient taking care of the home.

Now LOL there are days this house is a mess, I look a mess and so do the kids we all have days like that "don't we"  OK maybe some of you are more organized but I find it helpful to tell myself and my HUSBAND all my great qualities.

See instead of seeing his career and the people especially women he works with as a threath to our marriage I see myself as being the person who helps him be so successful in his career. 

So begin with yourself really see all you contribute to the home.  Then when you talk to him you can "SEE" things more clearly.  You can explain how you came from a moment of irrational thinking and hey who hasn't been a bit irrational or paranoid at times? And if they haven't oh well you did and it really is something that can be overcome. 

Think of what you NEED from him to help you remain in the non paranoid state.  Like someone said maybe more phone calls or an email saying I'm thinking of you. 

Glad you shared that with us and hope everyone's suggestions help.

I'm certain you will have a long, happy, marriage

T/C and remember all the GOOD you Bring and WHY he choose you to marry.

Another suggest is on the days you are feeling a little 'unsure' about your marriage do something with yourself.  I'm not trying to sound rude, but try to find a few minutes to take a Hollywood...that's what we call a long shower around here.  Maybe do your hair like you used to, put on a little make-up...if you use it, and put on something that makes you feel more attractive.  Trust me, it will help.  It's strange, but when we do a little with ourselves we feel better about the whole picture.

Prime example: My husband and I RARELY do anything as a couple.  We finally decided to go out to dinner and see some comedians with my parents.  I took a long shower, did my hair, my make-up, put on some really nice clothes and a cute little jacket.  We went to dinner with my parents and I felt like a million bucks!  I actually 'flirted' with my husband because I felt good about ME!  I felt kind of like we were a couple again because I felt pretty, I felt important and I walked with my head held high.  The whole night was a success, we had a GREAT time and even conceived!!  :o)

Sometimes we need to tell ourselves we feel pretty even if nobody around us says a word.  But I can promise if you take one day a week and pamper yourself you will definitely feel so much better.  I'm the kind of mom that won't leave her children and will do for everyone else and forget about herself.  I finally realized how important it is to do something to make ME feel better about ME!  It has really helped with my self esteem and our relationship!!!  Best of luck to you!!

Hi Pam,

You have really gotten some great advice here... communication is a must. If your husband is getting too wrapped up in his work, a little communication can make him realize to slow down and remember his family. On the other hand your worries could just be wife intuition and maybe you should check it out yourself. Especially if he has any signs that trigger your suspicion. You know your husband and if he is acting differently and being evasive or withdrawn then by all means if talking doesn't work or if he gets angry..... check it out for yourself.

If he has just been too absorbed and everything is ok then you to should find a babysitter and plan a trip away for the weekend to reconnect. Maybe you could go with him sometime on a business trip and see what it is like for him. You could just find something to do why he is at work.

Hope this helps.