I am very new to this group/board and not sure if I'm supposed to post this or not but I am going to lose my mind if I don't find an out and soon.  I'm in tears as I write and think about my situation...which could be worse, I know.

My husband called this morning from work and about the 4th call he asked what was wrong and why I sounded so unhappy.  I explained that I was tired of being at home and doing nothing but taking care of the kids and house day in and day out with nobody to interact with.  He told me that it was my fault because I refuse to take 'mommy time' when he offers it.  Yes, I do refuse the mommy time but there is good reason...

I told him that I'm alone all day long with nothing but 2 toddlers to talk to and that's it...I don't have many friends because I'm an older mom who stays home and the other moms I know that are my age all have grown children and they work outside the home.  If I take the mommy time and go do something then I'm STILL alone!  Alone is alone, I don't care how you look at it!

How do you combat the lonely times?  I LOVE crafts and would do them all day long if I could but when you have 2 little guys to look after you can't take 'your time' like you used to.  I have tried a mommy and me group but it just didn't work...I'm not rich, so I didn't fit in...I don't let my kids walk all over me, so I didn't fit in.  I just don't know what to do any more.

I'm so sorry for complaining about my life, but I have been a SAHM for almost 4 years now and I'm really feeling like I have absolutely no purpose in life but to take care of the house and kids.  Don't get me wrong, I am seriously blessed to have my children...and another on the way...and to be able to be with my kids but I also need an out.  I need 'ME' time...but with adults to interact with.  Please tell me I am not the only mom in the world that feels this way, PLEASE!!!!

It is hard to stay-at-home. I only have one baby and some day's I feel like I am going to lose my mind, I can't imagine having two or more at this point. Husbands, bless their hearts, as hard as they try  don't really "get it". Maybe you could find a local "craft" group, try meet-ups.com. Play groups aren't for everyone plus you need to do something totally separate from the kids. Do you knit? Knitting seems to be all the rage right now. Maybe you can find a knitting circle (or crochet). I volunteer a few hours a week and it makes me feel  a little bit like I have an outside job which helps with the "purpose" issue. Not sure what your take is on religion but finding a church group can help. I like the Unitarians, not so churchy, and they have a lot of free activities for the family and individuals. You are definitely not alone. I think all stay-at-home moms experience this sense of "loss of self". Sometimes I just totally feel like a machine then I know it's time for some "time-out" for mom.

Suzanne you made me cry...not that I really stopped.  I have lost myself in these past 4 years and have been trying to find myself but not sure where I left 'me' so don't know how to find 'me.'

I do love to do crafts and have tried to find some groups but haven't been lucky in that department either...I seem to find the ones that have all 80 year old members!! lol

Not only do I have 2 little guys to deal with but I'm expecting again!  Yep, again!  My first 2 are less than 2 years apart and my 2nd two will be about 2.5 years apart.  Not sure how it happen, but it must have been meant to be.

I'm trying so hard to enjoy the time I have with the kids right now but the weather is so cruddy that we are all trapped in the house with nothing to do and me doing my crafts...well they won't let that happen, they just undo everything I have done!  Gotta love those little ones!

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, it did give me some sense of being normal...or are we really ever normal once kids come along.

Terri, I get it I really do.  Like you I'm older with 2 small children.  My Daughter will be 6 in April she just started Kindergarten and my Son is 3 and home all day long with me. 

Actually we  moved to NY and I literally knew no one when Charlyne and Jacob were born.  I had a career and friends from Church when we lived in PA but we moved because it meant a career advancement for him and I got to be a SAHM.

With both my parent's passed I don't have the extended family help.  And I love being a SAHM my kids are great but just to give you an idea Charlyne will be 6 in April and before she started Kindergarten she was babysat 4 times.  2 of those times I was in the hospital once to have her Brother Jacob and the other time for a few hours because I was having a miscarriage.

So basically until this year with her in school I'm under kids 24/7 for almost 6 years.  Honestly, I was very concerned how I was going to handle her going to school because as you said alone is alone and well the kids are my only company.

When I have moments like you are now feeling like UGHHHHHHHH I need to scream I want adult interaction I just remember how great it is to be a SAHM.  I also tell myself these years will go by quickly and yes they do and the kids will be out of the house.

But your thing is being alone and I know that feeling.  Often my days are long and my husband's too and I just want to communicate.  But it doesn't always happen. 

All I can say is just hang in there and I'm so glad there is the internet because at least I can interact this way.  It helps to know you aren't alone. 

I'm not sure I'm explaining myself enough here but hopefully you won't feel alone.  Also lastly just remember when you do feel this way it will pass but sometimes it is good to vent ;)

omg!! you sound just like me.. Wish you lived around me!  I have been a SAHM for 9 yrs!! My husband tells me to take mommy time, but I too would just be a lone.. And to go do something would take money and I don't get any money.. My husband keeps all the money and since I don't work, it isn't mine.. If I need something I have to ask for it and usually it is a No!  I have been in mom's group, but they just don't get me I guess.  They say I gossip too much.  Oh, well I have no life outside the home so, I do like to gossip.  I have a 3 yr old and a 9 yr old.  My husband goes out to other friends house on the weekends and takes my daughter.. I would love to go, but I only get $20 a gas a week and having to run my daughter to and from school, pick her up from church on wednesdays, and take her to soccer practice/games and softball practice and games, and if I want to go to the gym. Well that doesn't leave me much gas to go to our friends houses with my husband and daughter. I would just ride with him but, they like to stay the night and with my 3 yr old, that just wouldn't be fun with me so, we have to go in to different vehicles.  I do have my family all really close.. One of my sisters lives a couple of blocks away and then my other sister lives close, and my parents live in town..  So, I do have them to talk to, but it isn't the same as friends.  I love my kids and love staying at home, but I do need an out sometimes.  You aren't the only person like this, see I am.. I cry often, and do take medication for depression (do you, you might need too).. It does help, but not as much as I think it should.. I have let myself go.. I before kids I weighed 96lbs and after my first daughter I got back down to 110lbs and was a size 4.  Then, I had a miscarriage and gained weight.  Got pregnant with my son, and I just never have lost the weight.. I go to the gym, but just not motivated like I use to be..  Before kids I went to the gym 7 days a week and sometimes twice a day,  And I was 96lbs as I said.  My husband and I haven't had sex in almost 4 yrs.  He doesn't like the way I look.. Well I haven't gotten a haircut in about 6 months (it cost money and I don't have any, he does).  I still wear maturnity clothes on occasion (because new clothes cost money.).  For xmas my parents and sisters did buy me some clothes because they got tired of seeing me in the same thing all the time.  I would rather buy for my kids than me anyways.  And when I ask for money for the kids clothes or something, he gives it to me.  Though, he does give me money for out to eat on friday nigths, when he goes to a friends house with our daughter.  My son and I watch a  movie and pick up dinner.  I don't mind the friday nights, it is like on saturday nights when he gets to go hangout with friends and I don't due to gas and having to take two different cars.  I want some adult conversation.  Though, I have gone a few times, and I only get to talk for a while, because I have to chase after my son, because he is busy talking with the guys.  So, it isn't as fun as I thought. Though it would be better than nothing.  So, don't think you are a lone.  You aren't.. Good luck...

suzane......are u figgen serious????  your husband is an abusive a-hole!  why in the hell do u allow him to dictate who's money it is??????  seriously, get a divorce.  and i would be careful about your daughter.  seems he takes her all over the place.....too mmuch of a 'daddy's girl'? omg i just want to slap your stupid husband, and slap u for dealing with that!  grow up and be a woman!  we dont put up with that shit anymore!

as far as the regular poster, all sahm's feel this way.  its normal and horrible and it fluxuates (sp).  in time u will find a way to deal with it.

divorce is out of the question right now.. He has a degree, I don't I wouldn't be able to make much money.. Plus, everyone around here is laying off people.. Job market is horrible right now in our town.. I have a friend that just got laid off, but they can afford for her not to work, and the money she was making is her spending money anyways.. I do love my husband anyways.  So, I don't want a divorce.. We have been together since 1990, and were high school sweathearts.  I have learned to live this way, but others just don't understand.. Including you.  What we do for love.  I did keep a relatives kids a couple of years ago, and that money was mine.  When I had my son, it just got over whelming and I didn't have the quality time for him.. And since I knew he was my last, I wanted to spend every minute with him.  So, I told the relative it was just too much for me and she put her kids in daycare.  I don't want to go back to work right now.. When my son starts school I will work part time so, when they get out of school, I can be home with them.. It works for us. But, thanks for your concerns.

Thanks, ladies, for your posts! You sound just like me, so it's good to know that I'm not alone, either!

Suzanne, I totally understand the money issue. I'm guilted if I spend money on necessities at Target. You should search online at freecycle.org and see if your area has a group. My local group is wonderful! I've been able to get clothing for both me and my children, as well as household items and toys. It's also a great way to get rid of clutter and unwanted items. Anyway, it's not a bad idea to check it out, especially if you're short on cash and could use some things.

I also understand the sex thing. My husband and I only have sex two or three times a year. He works nights, so he goes to work when I'm going to bed. Also, having 3-year-old twins makes it somewhat difficult! Our marriage is far from perfect, we have our share of issues, but divorce also is out of the question. I think too many people are too quick to jump on the divorce bandwagon before trying to resolve marital issues.

Trying meetup.com also is good advice. I've been fortunate to find a local mommies group with a great bunch of gals.

Good luck!

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do!

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do! Start

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do! Start prayin

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do! Start praying

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do! Start praying too!

Suzanne: Try these websites to see if there's any groups near you.

www.CafeMom.com

www.MOPS.org

I also agree Erin. Your hubby is spending too much time with daughter. I don't think the spending Fri nights at a friends house is a good idea at all. You need more money. He also needs to spend some time with you after kids are in bed. Even if it's a movie with popcorn or something. He also needs to spend time with your son, not just your daughter. You might also call a women's shelter and see what they can do. Also, check and see if you have a local church or a Catholic Charities. Someone has got to help you somehow. You can also find temp jobs at temp agencies. You have the symtoms of a 'battered' wife w/o the battering. Get help whatever you do! Start praying too!

Oooops...I am soooo sorry. I did not realize I had hit the enter button 4 times (on accident).

Terri....and anyone else needing some other mom/adult interaction. Try these websites and see if there are any groups near you.

www.cafemom.com

www.meetup.com

www.nesting.com

www.MOPS.org

Also, if your local library is not far, there are free classes for kids and adults. Do a search for 'playgroups' and see what you can find out there.

I'm lucky. I live in navy housing. Btw ladies...I'm a sahm and have been one since 2002. Know it's not long, but I also spent 10 yrs in the military. I am 39 and have 2 boys ages 6 yrs and 2 1/2 yrs and 2 Jack Russells. We have 1 vehicle that my hubby uses to go to wk...about 20 miles away one way. We do go to the store together or out to eat. We also go to church on Sun. 

But, I also control the finances b/c I pay the bills, etc. Anyway, don't ever let a husband have that much control over you.

yall are totally blowing this out of portion.. we are fine the way we are.. no shelter needed. If I did need a place I have family here. Though, I don't no were near that.. Why shouldn't he spend that much time with his daughter.. He does spend time with his son.  they go build things together and hangout.. they read in the evenings.. Lot more to it, that I didn't post.. Guess I should have.. didn't think it was that big of a deal.. lol

thank you Jackie!!!!

and thank you kristine.

Jackie.  My husband is a very intelligent man.. He is an accountant.  He knows how much things would cost.. So, that is just childish to write down everything.  I would look like an idiot if I did that..

suzanne,  u look like an idiot letting your 'husband' give you an 'allowance'.  this isnt the 50's, women have rights!  demand that the money is BOTH of yours!  i mean come on, he works outside the home and you work INside!  im glad your hubby doesnt live around here cause i'd give him a piece of my mind.

Hi Terri, 

First let me tell u that ur not at all alone with these kinds of thought n i guess u got this idea from all the post. We all r sailing through the same boat...So its ok to feel bad abt being lonely. Even i feel the same n its almost every week. There r times when i wanna talk n talk n talk abt so many things. But i find that there is no one to listen. 

Infact once i felt so bad that i cried like crap in front of my hubby..n i was like "first i used to be happy n exicted for the other day to come but now i don't feel that excitiment its like a normal day where nothing is happening"...when he heard it even he felt bad..But to be true guys can never get it straight...:)...we needto keep on telling them...So u also just talk to him..n u guys can spend some quality time together. As far as mommy time / me time wat ever u call it is concerned u can do wat ever u feel like. I used to love doing crochet, drawing, soft toys making....etc but now everything is stopped. its not that my hubby had asked me too..no. But all this things require money to spend n my priorities hav changed..now my daughter comes first. So i figured it out that talking to a friend  makes me fell better..i started that...but still there r days when i can reach no one...:(....N thats the time when i hav this internet group where i just come n interact with others. So just hang in there everything will be fine.

N let me tell u no matter wat age r we, if we r sahm not connected with other people..we feel bad. though i am in my 20's i feel the same as u do...

I don't know weather i am making sense or not but believe me ur not alone...thats wat i can say to u right now...n its perfectly fine to feel this way...

erin, I guess you and your husband are perfect.  but, you are not me and I am not you.. so, our lives are different.. you have the right to voice your opinion on me and my husband but, again it works for us.. I am sorry that you have to let everyone know that my life/marriage is wrong.. but, there are other women out there that are in relationships like me and it works.. I do gripe, but well I made my bed and I have to lay in it.. so, enough about my relationship and that is it..  glad you don't live here to do anything, because you don't have the right too.. lol

you know, honestly,  i have to say that i am kind of suprised at people who are saying DIVORCE.  i am going to out on a limb here and just say, as much i as sympathize, i think this is a venting site and trying to say that anyone should be getting a divorce when they are venting might be going a bit far.  suzanne, i have no idea whether you should divorce your husband or not and really, i think you have it right. it really is up to you to live the circumstances or change your circumstances as long as there is no abuse involved with your children or yourself, and even in that case, i think people have to find the strenghth within themselves to change their life.

before people get hot and bothered, i am not advocating abuse of any sort.  my aunt is a battered woman but you know, despite all the help and family support, she keeps going back to the same man.  how can you stop an adult from behaving the way they want?  so anyway, a bit off topic here but i had to say that divorce is a word that people too easily take, i think.

anyway, i don't want to give advice about you and your husband, terri lynn or suzanne, but i understand how you feel.  my husband is a very awesome person and i am very lucky but there are still times when i am ready to cry especially since we have moved to three different places in the last two years.  my son was sick all the time and  my husband worked all kinds of late hours and i didn't have a car so i never met people. i was far away from my family and i was so miserable and lonely, especially since i ended up breaking a toe and tearing my shoulder. it was a horrible time in my life.  my friend who has two kids within two years of each other is praying to get through each day until at least one of them can start school.  it's a miracle that SAHM keep any kind of sanity.

i saw people who suggested meet ups and things, which are really nice, but i believe that people go through good phases and bad phases in life.  the good news is that things will eventually get better somehow.  whether you meet a special friend or you get extra money.  we just have to ride out the bad periods and wait for the good.  i understand what you said about enjoying your children.  people say that to me all the time, but sometimes it is really hard to enjoy them when you haven't slept through the night in two years and your kid is sick all the time and has a million different allergies that you ahve to wonder what was life like before this?????  i don't think there is anything i can say more...i've already been long winded...but the gist is that i think everyone goes through that and we plod on because our children are worth it.  so keep faith and to sound like scarlett o hara..."tomorrow is a new day" LOL!

Suzanne I agree with Lalitha I think to say Divorce so quickly from a post on a message board well just not enough info.  I know LOL at times when I'm feeling down and icky it can sound like my husband and I have a terrible marriage but honestly we have a very lucky one. 

Only you Suzanne can deciede if there is abuse there I don't think we can get enough from the one post. 

As for the budget thing and you called it an allowance well I've been there too.  When I miscarried my first child we decieded to live on one income so I could stay home.  The Drs recommended that I stay off my feet after the miscarriage because I was "high risk" I actually lost the next baby a girl late term she was still born our Yvonne. 

Anyway, we also moved from PA to NY and I had no work, no baby, didn't really know anyone and he had to travel for the first 3 months.  It was a challenge and with just my husband working and we had goals to buy a house and stuff I was put on an allowance LOL I didn't like it.  I was use to having my own money from working and even though I did watch how I spent my money I didn't have to "ask" for the money because it was just mine. 

We worked it out and now I also have a bit of my own money because I started my own business from home.  LOL but I'll tell you that took a bit of time but it was liberating. 

But that is what works for us and everyone is different.  As for you Daughter staying overnight you said you are welcome to stay too but you choose not to.  So I would think if there is any "abuse" you would know it.  I just don't want to jump to conclusions from a post that was meant to vent feelings.  I know when I'm feeling icky I can make my family life sound horrible and in reality it isn't that is why I responded to this post to begin with because I feel alone at times and wanted to share.  That said I wouldn't change staying home but it still doesn't mean I don't feel lonely at times and just crave for adult conversation and interaction.

I have read people who said they don't fit into those "play date" mommie and me groups and LOL that is me too.  I just can't get into doing those because a lot of the Mom's were working Mom's and I felt put down for staying home like all I did all day long was sit around and do nothing.  HUH LOL I worked 60+ hrs a week and made great money before the kids so I know how hard it is to be a SAHM sometimes. 

They had housekeepers and nannies and I didn't judge that at all I would too if I was working those hours.  Anyway, let's just say nothing in common and I choose to be choosy who I interact with face to face.  LOL.

I'm glad this post got started it really helps to know there are other's out there who feel the same way.  My husband doesn't get it he goes out to work and says well I don't socialize but he does at work.  I know it isn't the same as a night out with the guys but his life doesn't revolve around just the kids needs all day long.  That said most days that is fine with me because they grow up quickly but to get back to origional post I too feel lonely at times. 

Hang in there Mommies because there are young for only so long and I'm sure most of you love the day to day routine but just at times feel you need to vent so vent away ;)