Hello all my name is Kathy Zaeri and I have a 13 year old daughter.  Since she turned 13 she has been a totally different child.  She is now cutting people down (me mainly).  She really tries to push my buttons.  When I ask her to do something their is no reaction.  When she wants us to take her somewhere or do something for her and we don't answer or do it right away she gets really upseat.  We have tried to tell her that she will have things taken away and she tells us that she is not afarid of us.  I need to gain control again and get my daughter back.  I know she is a great kid however right now I really do not know who she is.

Please if any can help me I woudl appericate it.

Thank you

the problem with today's kids is that they run the show now because of all the child laws.  kids today know that with a simple phone call they can have their family investigated and possibley be removed from the situation they feel is 'bad' or 'unfair'.  i know beccause my future stepdaughter did this to me in order to have herself sent to texas to be with her mom.  she hated me and being here with us and made up horrible lies thinking the state would send her to her moms.

parents are no longer in control.  back when i was a child (im 27) we just listened to our parents.  we went to bed when told and we did what we were told.  and if we didnt, we were punished, grounded, things taken away.....i wasnt hit at all though.  i developed a fear of my parents so i didnt try to do the really big bad stuff.  i had a conscience that would say "if my parents found out..."  so i was raised right.

i think that kids would be better off if parents had the upper say.  so a percentage of kids were abused....doesnt mean all kids are.  these "signs" just give the kids the power to use us and make us fearful of THEM, instead of the other way around.

just hold on cause in 5 years you can send her packing to live her own life.  and if she screws up in between then dont blame yourself.  kids need tough love and harsh discipline (not physical though).

Re: Kathy

I have a daughter that will be 13 on Mothers day.  Parents don't realize how hard it is to be 13.  Most parents back off the teens to give them more independance at this age when they need us now more than ever.  With harmones changing they don't know whether they are coming or going.  Show your daughter you are human. Sit her down and tell her that she hurts people when she is cutting people down including you.  Tell her you don't like it and it must stop! Discuss any unacceptable behavior at that time and set consequences.  Let her play a part in setting the punishment.  That way when its time for the punishment she cant say ."Thats not fair!"

There may be a problem that she may be dealing with either at home or at school.  She probably shuts you off because she has a hard time dealing with whatever the problem may be.  Or, it could be just because she is a teenager and wants to rebel.  I may be way off with what I am saying, but I am just trying to think why she is acting the way that you say she is acting.