Hello everyone,

I just wanted to find out what expectations or lack there of all you SAHM's have. My son is 5 months old now and I've been home since day one. I find that juggling house work, dinner, or even a shower to be hard work. No matter what, quality time with my son comes before everything else but at times I get very frusterated with the daily chores...that never end! How could I handle a high stress job in my 'other life' but can barley seem to get the dished under control?! :) My husband works obviously, so when he comes home I feel like he has a certian amount of expectations of what the house should be like. He is not rude of course if things are bit on the crazy side after he gets home but I just feel so bad. I think I'm more concered with it then he is. What kind of scheduals do you all have? Any helpful hints? Any magic dust I could sprinkle around? Well, thanks for taking the time to read this ladies, any imput will help.

I find having a schedule helps me. I have a three month old and she takes two naps a day. During the A.M nap I get my shower done and the kitchen then throw in the first load of laundry. By this time an hour is up and she is usually awake. After the nap since the weather is starting to get better by me is errand time we go to the grocery store, target or just walk around the mall we both enjoy getting out for an hour or so. Then come home and play with her some more. During her second afternoon nap is when I get any other cleaning done and second load of laundry. What I can't finish then waits until after she goes to bed or until the next day. Give yourself goals for what needs to get that day and when you see how much your getting done it will make you feel better.

you have to have a schedule.  not only will you benefit from it, your son will too.  children need to know what will go on in their day in order to keep sane, and adults are no different.

the expectations are what you and your husband make them.  there are no rules to being a sahm with a working husband. you make them according to how they will benefit your family.

i have a 2yr old and i watch my 2yr old nephew.  right now my fiance doesnt work but is lazy as hell, so i am still doing things as if he were at work 12hrs a night and sleeping during the day.  after breakfast the kids go play in my daughters room off the kitchen (we have a gate in the doorway).  i take the first 2 hours to do my cleaning and laundry folding. 

as far as dishes go, do them after each meal.  then they wont pile up.  if u have a dishwasher, load it throughout the day and then run it at night.  its only u and your son, so there shouldnt be too much. 

your husband, though, has things to do when he gets home, such as giving you a break from it all.  he gets them at work, so u should as well.

good luck hun.  parenthood is the hardest job of all.

I think you just have to try and relax and realize that things are just not going to be as "orderly" as they were pre-baby and not be so hard on yourself. I agree baby is #1. Sometimes I find myself frustrated that my house always feels dirty and disorganized but he will only be a baby once so try to just enjoy that. You need to take time for yourself during his naptimes too. Try not to run around like a maniac while he is napping and maybe force yourself to sit and read or whatever you like to do. A messy house isn't really a big deal in the grand scheme of things (something I have to remind myself all the time). Enjoy your loved ones and enjoy yourself.

I am the same way.  Our son is top priority over everything else. He's now 2 and we have a baby due in a few weeks.

I was feeling overwhelmed with trying to get everything done as well.  I finally asked my husband what bothers him the most that isn't done when he gets home and he said the livingroom and kitchen.  That is my goal every day.  Those two rooms are cleaned up before he gets home.  I use part of naptime to clean up bathrooms, basement, or whichever room has been neglected the longest.  The other part of naptime is for "my time".  I do laundry when I know I have time to get it done - wash, dry, fold, put away - other wise the dryed laundry sits on my couch for a long time

Make sure you still have YOU time during naps, whether it's showering, reading, or working on your own hobby - if only for 10 minutes.  I strongly suggest to ask your hubby what two things bothers him the most and go from there.  It will ease some stress out of your day!

Remember, if you had an outside job, your house would not get messy as quickly because no one would be there to mess it up during the day; so yes, working outside the home can make keeping the home a little easier - even with kids.  (Notice I said "can" not "it does")

When the weather is going to be nice, I focus really hard on housework the day before and spend the nice days out of the house as much as possible.  You'd be surprised at how little straightening up needs to be done when you are home!  Good luck!

Hey Megan, 

Being on a schedule helps out alot.  Sometimes our husbands don't quite understand how much work it is to be a SAHM.  I always tell mine that if I could change jobs for a day or week I would do it, because we don't get any vacation time unless they want to fill in for us.  No Paid Vacations, no random time offs and sick days. We are always on the clock 24/7 even when we are feeling sick.

You need time for yourself as well as that quality time for you children and husband.  My schedule is a full day and by the end of the week I am so exhausted, that's when I appreciate the weekend when my husband takes over...=) Currently he is deployed for seven months so I don't get any breaks until then.

My day starts at 5am when I can take a shower without no interuptions.  Then I get dressed and come 6am I have my 11year old shower, when she gets out I have my 8 year old shower at 6:15am then by 6:35am I wake up my two year old to have her shower.

I dress my 11 year old because she is blind and special needs, I dress my two year old obviously because she is still too little.  We are downstairs by 7am, I always cook a hot breakfast, have them eat while I pack there snacks and lunches.  The Bus comes at 7:20am for my 11 year old.  I clean up breakfast dishes, 8:30 I drop off my 8 year old to school, after that I take my 2 year old to the park for at least an hour or so.  We eat lunch at 11am/11:30am then I have her take a nap which is usually for two hours.  During those two hours I can vacuum and get some laundry done.  When she wakes up we go to the park again so that she can release some energy.  Come 3pm I start dinner so that it will be ready by 5pm.  All the kids come home at 3:30pm.  We do homework.  When dinner is done by 5pm we eat and by 6:00/6:30 I have the kids wash up and change to there PJ's.  We catch up on how was school and what we all did today.  They are in bed by 7:30pm and asleep by 8pm.  I have time to myself until 9pm and that's when I go to bed and restart my day over when I wake up...Whew!!!!  That's my week.  My weekends are chilled and whatever I didn't get done during the week I finish up on the weekends.  It sounds monotonous, but isn't that every job sometimes...=)  I try to change things up sometimes, but my girls are so use to the schedule that when we're off just even a half an hour it makes a whole lot of difference in there moods...lol 

When people say that they don't have time, I just think they need to be able to manage there time.  I know waking up that early to some people is crazy, but when you adjust your body and your kids that way.  It becomes easier, then it's not a big deal because it becomes a habit.  I don't feel rushed during the day.  My days are relaxed, I don't feel any pressure because I'm in that routine.  One thing that people who know me is that I hate feeling rushed or pushed into things.  I pretty much enjoy my life and find that things run really smooth when on a schedule.

Sorry I got long-winded...LOL  but I hope you find your routine. 

I'm sure you are doing fine. I think most importantly you should talk with your hubby, and ask him what his expectations are. I talked to my hubby and found out that my expectations are much higher than his, so as long as I'm happy with the house, so is he.

I also agree that you definitely need a schedule. I actually "plan" out my week on paper. I have to schedule something or nothing happens, we just hang out at the house and play all day. :)  The schedule is also nice because I can talk to my son (23 mos.) about what we are going to do. I also meal plan for the week so I don't find myself just before a meal, wondering what we are going to eat.

If you want to give it a try, I could email you my weekly template and a copy of my "chore chart," just send me a message and let me know you want it.

Another thing that might help, which I do is make a chore chart. I found myself cleaning until I was burned out, so I took a sheet of blank paper and I drew four rows and seven columns. I then wrote two chores in each blank, so each day I have two "duties" that I have committed to doing. I just follow the chart and it takes four weeks to get though it. I then start at the beginning again. My house is cleaner than ever (not spotless), and I'm much happier this way. This is also, of course, on top of all the daily stuff like dishes and sweeping. I wrote everything down from cleaning toilets to dusting the ceiling fans. Today happens to be laundry day and clean up the back yard. I don't know if this would work for you but it has really worked for me. 

I hope this helps. Hang in there.

Liz

Hi Liz.  Would you mind emailing that to me?  I would love to get some organization in my day.  My email is brunsonb@comcast.net.  My days tend to get away from me, too.  Maybe if I had a schedule I could be more organized!

Hey Liz.  I would love to see what you are doing. Please email me at reneejohnston@bellsouth.net.  Thanks so much!

Thanks so much to all of you! Your understanding and helpful tips not only will help me in the long run but it also makes me feel not so all alone! :) It means alot, truly.

I currently have a loose schedual in place...so I think I'm going to tighten up on it to see if I can get some better results. I also like the idea of waking up before my son (provided he slept though the night) to get the basics of me done. I can offten find my self stuck in PJ's all day! Horrible...I know.

I guess all I'm really looking for is less stress on a day to day basis. I know stress goes along with being a parent but I dont want to be consumed with it. Did I mention I'm expecting another baby? I just got out of my first trimester...and yes, my son just turned 5 months. I know I'm going to be one busy lady, hence the reason for feeling the need to get organized before I have two children ... in two years! Yikes...it makes me anxious just thinking about it! :) No matter what though, I was delt a very lucky hand in life and I will always be grateful.

So, once agian...thank you and keep these posts coming! They help oh so much!

Well wishes to all,

Megan

I usually try to get most of the chores around the house finished during my sons naps at the end of the week (Thursdays and Fridays - so I have the weekends to relax with my hubby). I also give my husband at least one chore to do over the weekend, like vacuum the upstairs or do the laundry. It really helps to give him at least one chore that i can take off of my list. I also think it is good for our son to see my husband helping out around the house. I also know these aren't very earth friendly, but Lysol wipes are a must in my house. You can dust anything with them and even clean the bathroom floor.

Hey liz, I wud love to get organized in my daily routine..which is kind of litlle messy right now..so wud u mind emailing that to me...i really want to see how u do it..coz even i am like megan who is stuck in the pj's the whole day..lol.  My email is monica0578@yahoo.com.

Okay Liz: Sounds like you asked for it. LOL...I think I do "okay" here but I wouldn't mind taking a look at your chat either. Of you could drop it to me to, that would be appreaciated it too. Thanks Heather SwissVanillaGirl@hotmail.com

Hi Liz.  I wasn't able to open the Word document.  Is it possible to send it as a PDF?  Also the chore chart would be great!  Thanks!  brunsonb@comcast.net.

I completely understand how you feel. My two boys are 16 months and four months (they are 12 months and 17 days apart) and there are some days when I don't make it out of my pjs. I've done good if I get my teeth brushed those days.

My advice is to forgive yourself when your not perfect, cause who is. And, I have a schedule too, but during my son's one nap a day, I DO NO HOUSEWORK. That is the only me time I get most days. Throughtout the day, we go through intervals of play, meals, and chore time. Children need to play on their own too, thats important. So you can clean during that time. Or if they are old enough to watch a short cartoon, you got thrity minutes to clean there.

Hang in there, it seems the older they get, the funner they get!

I've emailed my schedule template and "chore chart" to everyone that requestd it. If I accidently left you off the email, please just let me know and I'll send them to you too (lizly@att.net).

I'm all about the Lysol wipes too. I virtually clean my whole house with them. I don't really have a schedule. I am not really a "schedule" kind of person but I do pick up here and there as the day goes. There is usually a good chunck of time every day that my daughter will play by herself so I sit her in the kitchen while I do dishes and I just wash the floor around her. 5 months is kind of tricky. My daughter wasn't sitting up yet then so I would lay a blanket on the floor of whatever room I was picking up with some toys. But like Tessa said, take at least one nap time a day to just chill or you will become a crazy lady and that's no good for anyone.

I'v always tried to have some kind of schedule and Ever since my daughter started taking only one nap a day Its been as followed:

Awake at about 7:30; Eat some kind of breakfast and then i let my daughter play on her own while I wash dishes,sweep the floor and tidy a few rooms around the house. Normally Im done with all of this by 9 and i sit and play with my daughter untill 12 and we eat luch and shes down for a nap. While she's naping i eaither mop,fold cloths and clean more Or I sit and watch T.v or play on the coputer.It depends on what need to be done that day, when she wake up at about 1:30 she eats a snack and when its warm out we go outside and play till daddy gets home at around 2:30. then it inside and i try to some kid of arts/craft or reading for an hour. dinner is at 6,then its bath and strught to bed!

My husband is a wonderful man, If i happen to skip a chore or i have errands one day and nothing gets done around the house then he doesnt really care. He knows i cant stand to look at a messy house for very long so i'll do it in time. And if he feels the dishes need to be washed right then,he does it his self(this is rare tho) so he has never said a word about the house. When he frist gets home he eats his lunch and changed cloth while i pain/draw/read to our daughter and then he palys with her untill dinner.  He doesnt expect to house to be spotless and it hardly ever is b/c there's always something that needs to be done and I only really scrub the house (dusting.vacuming,"the works") about once a week! Time with my daughter is more imporant that house work. 

i re-read my post, sorry for so many misspelled words!

every sahm is different.. talk with your husband or you should have before becoming a sahm and find out if yall expectations are the same or not.. Come to an agreement.. If can't than oh well he will have to live with what works for you.. you are the one that has all on your shoulders...

Didnt read all the posts, but saw a pattern. SCHEDULE.. that's what worked for me when I was at home for a few months after my baby was first born. Being my baby only napped for 15-20 minutes at a time ever since she was 2-3 weeks old, I couldnt really do much through out the day so I'd either get up early (5 ish) while she was still asleep and clean my house or do it at night when she went to bed.  You also have to realize SAHM stands for Stay at home MOM, not Stay at home MAID. Ur right on about the quality time w/ ur son coming first, if not, what's the purpose of being at home?  I've gone back to work now and found that Saturday mornings all I do is clean clean clean. At first I considered hiring a maid to come in once a week, then thought "oh no, that would make me look lazy. Plus what about all the other moms who work and dont have maids?" but you know what? I DONT CARE. I work all week and if having a maid come in once a week ( I get 2 for $80/hr thru Marry Maids) is going to give me more energy & time to spend w/ my baby, then so be it.  Unfortunately I realized there are only 24hrs in a day and I cant do it all by myself.