Long story short, I met my boyfriend, everything was great. We moved across country together, enjoyed life, loved each other very much, laughed all the time the whole bit. I got pregnant, we moved home to be closer to our families. Well my family does not like him, but I have dealt with that. Do I like it? Of course not. I hate it and can not change it. So what then... leave him for my family? Or stay with him and understand that my dream of having my boyfriend have a close relationship with my family is dead, I chose that. My son is 11 months now. And life has just spiraled to the point where I can not smile anymore.
The past october, i went through a breakdown over him and my family and decided I needed to leave him. But before I did, I went out on a ladies night at the bar, for the first time since I had my son. I got a ride home from a friends boyfriend because he was sober, and asked to use my bathroom before he left, I said yes. Drew has accused me of cheating on him since then. I would never cheat on him. I don't believe in doing that ever. So about every few days he yells at me, tells me he wants to cheat on me, tells me he hates me. This has been since October. I love him and I want my son to have a family. He is a great dad. But I feel like I am just trash. I started going to see a psychologist, well I went once, and the next time I was supposed to go he got mad and said he was going out to the bar if I went to the doctors. We are doing very bad financially. We are still in school, I work 30 hours a week, he works as a waiter mayber two nights week. I never have money for anything. Yet he always has money for anything he wants. Today he slept, I got up with the baby, I had class so I woke him up before I left. I kissed him good morning on his head and left. I came home he went in to take a nap without even saying anything to me. Me and my son went out for the afternoon and came home before he had to go to work. I didn't get a hello or a kiss. I went over to him and asked if he was mad at me, he said no. I asked if he still wanted to be with me and he said yea. I asked why i didn't get a hello or how was your day or even a kiss, he said "There is always something wrong with you. Every minute there is something wrong with you." And he left. Again no kiss, no hug... nothing. I work so hard to make him happy and I have never felt so ugly, so trashy, so unwanted in my life. I have no where to go if he leaves and I can't afford to stay in the apartment. I am so sad and so scared. I feel like I am on the brink of a breakdown every day of my life. My boyfriend can so easily say he hates me, and he never says he loves me unless I say it first. And I am stuck because of fear and financially. Why doesn't he treat me good? I have sacrified everything for him, I went against my family,I got a good job and stopped going to school so we would have money, I give every bit of me by cooking, cleaning, giving all my money to pay bills. I am just so broken, and I have no one to talk to. I have not one friend in the world. How did my life turn into this? |
