Hello gentlemen! If you dont mind sharing, I am wondering what made YOU the parent who stays home. I am trying to convince my fiance to stay home w/ the kids and let me make the money but he wont do it for various reasons. For one, I think he has to much pride to 'allow' me to be the sole bread winner. He wouldnt feel like a 'man', I guess. Im sure he also feels the need to have his 'own' money, rather than OUR money coming from me working. And the final thing is that he just doesnt have enough patience to be home w/ all four kids all day... and night, b/c I would have to work 2 jobs. However, his work is not consistent and if we are relying on a two-income household then we NEED both sources of income ALL the time. So, when he isnt working, we are all suffering and I feel shorted b/c I have to pay extra for things. IF I was the only one working I would be more confident in knowing that our bills would always be paid, and we would probably even live more comfortably than when the two of us are working.

So, I was just wondering how it came to be that You are the SAHParent

Hello Amy,

I became the SAHD due to we crunched the numbers and it was more feasible to work part time and my wife to work longer hours but shorter work week this way we don't have to worry about daycare issues as well as having a complete stranger raise our daughter.

Everyone will have diff. opinions and views re: this topic. Communication is what you both need, discuss the finances and see what would work best. I'm sure between you both you could avoid 2 full time jobs for just one.

Amy also let your husband know there are jobs out there to make great income, does he have an interest in trucking ??

Good income potential and if you need to, daycare kids in begininning, then, in no time he could probably earn  more than enuff to get mommy home.

Other than that it's something again you two should really go over carefully. Who has the better health care ?? who IS  making more??

No disrespect to your husband but, Machismo has no place in this economy right now. In my book EVER !!.

remember one thing and this is also where I'll end, "HUMILITY KNOWS NO PRIDE"

Simply stated, if you can't humble yourself to take care of you and yours, YOU  will lose everytime and so will your family.

Don't let pride let you miss this precious time in your kid's lives.

I would not have missed this for anything and am sooo grateful I was given the privelidge.

Sorry for the novel, hope it helped.

If you need any other help at all just ask.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!

Hi Amy -

My wife and I chose for financial reasons as well - her job is better and more secure, so it made sense to us.

Have you asked him specifically about his concerns with staying home?  One that you don't mention is that he might worry about the social aspect of having a job.  It gets you out of the house and you usually see a lot of other people - even if it's just small talk, it's still talk.  You said that he would have to stay with 4 kids all day and night, and he might be afraid that he'll lose any adult contact.

If he really wants to work, can he find a different job (or the second job that you would take) instead of the one he has now?

I'd start out with a financial discussion and then ask him specifically what he thinks of staying home and his concerns.  For the social aspect, maybe a "guy's night out" every so often would help him with that.

Good luck!

Thankyou both for your responses. Matt, you hit the nail on the head when you said he's afraid of losing adult contact. He is definitely a people person and being home w/ the kids all day would prevent him from being able to go anywhere he wants, as he does now.

I have pretty much lost hope with this whole situation. I know there is no convincing him to stay home all the time. The most I might get out of him is staying home with the kids a couple of hours in the evenings for me to either go to school or pick up a second job. He's very stubborn and bull-headed about certain things and this is one that I dont see him ever changing his mind about.

I guess its just another mark on the list of 'things I wish he did' lol.

Thanks again

BULLSEYE !!

That's how we deal with it as well. Some nights I just go out to a movie.

Even if not talking just getting out. I also do other things to get out like late night shopping while mommy and boo are asleep.

Gas the cars, get cars washed, otherwise I try to find things to do to get out of the house with boo.

Another factor to consider is Family and Friends. Do you all live close enough to each other?? That  may prove to be a big help in many ways.

4 kids all day is definately going to make anyone feel the need for some adult time. Visiting/making playdates with friends and relatives might lessen that factor.

Amy check out metroparents.org or westchester parents.org for other ideas as well.

I found a really good show on TV that gives great tips also, it's called "A PLACE OF OUR OWN"and is out of Cali.. Always great guests and awesome ideas.

On another note Amy,

I am putting together a little show of my own and will promote here once kinks are ironed out but it is one for SAHP.

You can always email me @ mike_rossano@yahoo.com

Hope this helps,

And kudos for Matt, nice to see another SAHP out here =)

Hi amy,

I love working and equate my self worth by my daily accomplishments like most men.  I am extremely social, and have managed to survive the battle. the family is a  team, and must function as one.

I got laid off, she got a better job. 

I did construction for years, and know a bit of marshall arts, and have never had a more challenging manly job than dad. It is the greatest honor to be the nurturer of my sone and wife, I serve them with exitement.  when it comes to my family, I will do what ever it takes, without the tinyest presence of pride.  I would wear a skirt!!! and sing "on a good ship lolly pop".  Hey my cooking is getting better from all the cooking shows.

I would love to talk to your husband in person, and tell him that all of his fears can turn to joy, If he just lets go of what he thinks he knows. 

When my wife is home I do all the man stuff.  to get out, I strapp in Jonny and we are off to the grocery store , or the beach, or the orchard to pick fresh fruit, or cycling with a kid trailer. Jonny will not view me as less either, he will have great memories.  Lastly At the end of the day when the kids are sleep find time for each other.

Oh! and talking was the best advise you have recieved. 

Good luck with the big guy!

kudos to all you dads!

Ron

Kudos to you as well Ron. Nice to see and know others stepping up and helping THE family when it comes to daycare.

I live in lower westchester area and my Boo is 2.5 so if you live near and want to schedule some playtime let me know.

also, was looking to get some together for sesame street at garden next month?? any interest?

you can email me anytime if you need any tips or just want to vent to another adult.

mike_rossano@yahoo.com

Good Luck and God Bless ....

MikeR

Hello all:

I became the SAHD almost 5 years ago.  My wife and I started talking about kids back when we were dating, and we agreed that we didn't want daycare to raise our children.  During the conversation, I mentioned that I would even consider staying home with the kids.  I expected a long conversation to follow, but she simply said "OK". 

But, there were more factors than that put into the decision.  I was working for a large defense contractor, and the defense industry has been tanking for the last decade.  My wife's job was much more stable, and had better benefits so the decision was obvious. 

Some days it's maddening, our three boys can be quite a handful.  But I tell you, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Before we decided that I would stay at home, I had always worried that I would miss so much of our kids childhood with work and lots of business travel.  And now, I get to spend most every moment with them. 

It's the best job I've ever had...  I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

Carl

Hey Carl,

I am a creative that does not restrict my self to any one thing.  GM took one of my ideas for a break system, and I have hundreds, H&R Block took one(instant tax return), Arizona ice tea took one(tea in gallon jug), and I am working with a large plastic manufacturer on a new concept. I also have a defense concepts for a technology that is based on a combination of human anatomy and physiology, genetics, lasers, and quantum physics. Fiction hasn't caught up to my idea yet. you think we could sell my concept to the defense contractor you know? do they ever employ creatives on a temp contract basis?   I Love invention.

Ron

Hey Mike,

if I dint almost live at the north pole, i sure would take you up on your offer.  thank you!

Ron

to all,

please feel free to contact me as well, any time!

Ron

Ron:

I know your frustration when you have an idea, and then later see it realized by someone else.  Back in '97 I won a design contest with a design for adaptive airbags that assess the size of the person in the seat and automatically adjust their response accordingly.  Now, they've been in cars for a few years...  Oh well...

But, bringing a new idea to market isn't easy either.  I also worked for many years with a business partner who developed a safe, painless, and effective device to alleviate Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  (I had suffered with this problem for many years, but using this device, I was symptom free within a month).  We patented the technology (US and foreign), and established a production facility.  You'd think that something that worked so well would be an instant hit, but doctors and industry have been very hesitant to change. 

Introducing some new concept to the defense industry right now would be a real challenge.  Basically, with two active wars going on now, most all available funding is going into funding the wars.  Not much is available for any R&D. 

I've pretty much given up pursing things right now.  It just was taking too much time - my boys needed me.  I still have a few things I do in what little time I get.  I do carpentry, home improvement and home automation.  I've also adapted my bicycling to allow me to take the boys with me.  This spring I'm hoping to start camping with them.  It should be a great time. 

But, right now we're stuck at the house - We've got an inch of ice on the ground and snow piling up on top.  So, it's time to get the boys dressed and go play in the snow.  Life is good...

Carl

Hi ron and carl,

Ron, ya' living too far North does make a commute a bit of a hassle-totally understandable-Carl, good to see you here as well

both can keep in touch anytime guys-reach me at: mike_rossano@yahoo.com

Carl I live in Yonkers, N.Y.-Did not see where you were from but if you are close let me know.

Glad to see some other dads out here-Kudos to all !!

Mike:

Sorry I forgot to mention - I'm in Oklahoma.  Quite a distance from you and Ron.  But, the kids played out in the snow for quite a while, they come in cold and exhausted and go right to nap!  Ahhh, my quiet time.

At home dads here are pretty scarce and elusive.  I've run into a few, but many of them are only doing it for a while...  BTW, have you all ever seen Stephen Colbert's piece on SAHD's?  http://www.athomefather.com/2008/12/stephen-colbert-stay-at-home-dad-video.html

It was filmed with the help of a SAHD group in Austin, TX.  Too bad we can't find a big group...

Carl