Hi, all,

This may seem a bit off the wall, but it's bugging me and I've got to vent a bit.

I live in a fairly wealthy area and the mom's club that I'm involved in has a very active email discussion forum similar to this one.  Recently a discussion started about how people are managing all the economic uncertainty, and mentioned "Stay at home moms with nannies".  This has generated a lot of defensiveness on both sides of the discussions, since there are in fact a LOT of SAHMs in my area who have nannies 20+ hours a week. As far as I can tell, most use the nanny to make it possible to go get pedicures, go to exercise classes, or go to the grocery store.  These are not working moms.

I have three kids (oldest in kindergarten) and no nanny.  I do not have family nearby -- it's just me and them most of the time.  I am worn out a lot of them time, but mostly I really enjoy them and am glad to have the opportunity to be with them. 

What do you all think?  Do you have nannies?  Do you wish you had a nanny?  How much would you use one, and for what?

i am at home with my 3 kids the oldest is 3 1/2.  i would love a nanny even 5 hours a week, but i do love being with them.  I think that if moms have a nanny to run errands and be in a all around better mood for the children when they are with them and they are the ones that do the important things with kids then it is okay.  if they are having a nanny to do all the things that kids really need the parents for then they are being lazy.

First of all, anybody raising three kids is fantastic so great job ladies!  I only have one, but I tell ya and pregnant with the second, but I tell ya, if there are days when i would love to have  a break during the day.  I would love to go work out or have my hair done or anything.  I agree with christine, if it makes you happier and a better mom to have that time away and u have the resources, especially with no family around, go for it!  my husband is fabulous and he gives me time when i need, but i am so exhausted from battling the two year old all day that i am afraid i am cranky and irritable by the time he gets home that he is the one that never gets a break between work and everything.  So, i would use the nanny for that too. i don't have to depend on him to take a break, i might be in a better mood to give him a break.  if i had tons family around, i wouldn't need a nanny.

I'll admit, if we had the money, I would have hired a nighttime nanny for my newborn! My husband is a resident with insane hours plus we don't live near any family, so there was really no time for me to catch-up on sleep! Heck -- I still could use a nice, big nap every day! ;) But seriously, being a stay-at-home mom is hard work! We all need a break every now and then! I agree that a nanny should not replace your role as the main caregiver for your children, but if it allows you to have some re-energizing time then it's worth it -- for you, your children, and your spouse!

So...until I stumble upon a million dollars, I'll just have to keep praying daily for patience, strength, and guidance. Besides, I'm thankful I have the opportunity to be with my daughter every day. Some days, however, I have to remind myself, "This too shall pass..." and before I know it, she'll be off to college, getting married, and having babies of her own!

Well this puts me right smack in the middle. As a former nanny and a mom to a 9 month old. Living in michigan the weather is cold and I hate taking my son out to run errands. If I had the money I would hire a nanny for a few hours a week so I could get errands done. Plus maybe a little time for myself. My husband works nights 2- 10:30 pm mon-fri and if he has to work weekends it's 3:30 to midnight. Plus we only have one car.

As a former nanny and a new mom I would say ever SAHM deserves a break. Which we never get or rarely do. Especially if you have multiple kids. Even if she's just there to watch the kids while you get laundry done or other household stufff done. It makes a difference.

I do not have a Nanny but I sure would love one even if it were for 5 hours a week. Just to be able to take a shower, nap, or grocery shop and not have to take both kids (20 months & 2 months) with me. I also don't live anywhere close to family nor friends and my husband works 50+ hours a week along with travels a lot as well, so I don't get many breaks if at all any. So I would get a nanny for a few hours a week just to have time for myself and get things done around the house. Maybe instead of a Nanny I'd take a house keeper. Then my house can be clean and the laundry would be done and I could simply spend quality time with my children.

I would love a nanny even for a moment to have a cup of coffee or shower by myself.  I could get some clothes washed or dust and vaccumn etc.. ahhh the thought of a nanny even for 1/2 hour.

I would like a nanny 2-3 hours/day while he naps so I could go to the gym... 

cindy, i am a stay at home mom.its either me,my husband or in-laws that watch my kid;(of course though, my child is a "special needs kid", and not just any body can care for him. (its either family or a nurse.)  it really is just me 90 percent of the time, and despite the usual aggrevation, i enjoy my child, and dont like to miss out on anything/("new mile stones")   i cant afford a "nanny" even if i could, even if thats all that  would be needed to care for him. i probably wouldnt hire one too often,(personally.)

I guess it bugs me that these ladies have the nannies for more than 20 hours/week, which is more than what people above are talking about.  They also have cleaning people, gardeners, and dog walkers.  Yes, dog walkers!  I've seen people complaining about having to give up their night nurses when their kids are a year old.  I just wonder what people are all about when they hire so many other people to live their lives for them, and then don't even participate in their community...  I would love to have a little more free time, but I would prefer to get it by participating in a babysitting co-op among my fellow moms, so we can get to know one another and one another's kids, and learn parenting tips from each other, and basically re-establish that "village" that everyone is talking about when they say "it takes a village."

I'm with all of you on this one too. As Meg stated, I also live in Michigan and currently my daughter is very, very sick and it so hard to bundle them up and get out with them. My husband works until later in the evenings as well and who wants to get out so late at night. I laught (in agreeance) when all of you say how hard it is to be a SAHM. Mu husband works construction and when he complains about having a hard day, he gets "the look". And I laught because he says each time, "I would like to trade you jobs for one day." OH PLEASE LET'S DO (but let's wait until it gets warmer...LOL). Having someone to call upon, such as nanny so things could "just get done" is total understandable. Like everyone else, I want to raise my child, but I also wouldn't mind a nap without interuptions or to get my hair done either.

Well I managed to gt an hour of ME time yesterday. I got my nails done for the 1st time in 4 years. It's wonderful. Heather my husband gets the same look when he says he had a hard day. I told him I would trade adn he can deal with a 9 month old that's teething with a cold that gets into everything. He got lucky when I went to get my nails done cuz the baby was napping. Maybe Nanny is the wrong term for what a SAHM needs. It's more like a peacekeeper. Happy relaxed moms are better. lol. Plus I don't know about anyone else but I drive a small ford focus and getting my son in and out of the car is horrible. He's now In a rear facing tot seat. he outgrew his infant seat. By the time I put the car seat and stroller in there is no room for any errand stuf I may have. And to think I thought the car was great when I first bought it. Huge mistake.

Nanny by the hour I'd love to pay someone to give me an hour while my little one is napping.  I'd only want an hour no more.

yes an hour would be nice. Just long enough to run a few errands or even take a break.

if all you need is a few hours then find a babysitter or a day care that has drop off style hours.  i use a day care that is open until 1 pm monday - saturday.  i will call and see if they can take my kids for a few hours and go to dinner, or the store, or clean my house.  it is less expensive then most college aged babysitters and i trust them. 

Do any of you have a co-op set up with your playgroups, friends, or fellow church members?  I used that in the city where I used to live and it was great -- we all got to know each other, learn about each others' kids, and when one of our kids had something going on you could talk to a parent who knew what you were talking about.  It has been hard to do here with all the nannies, but I wish I could.

Cindy-check out meetup.com they have playgroups, moms groups & support groups almost everywhere!

I'm not comfortable with meetups where I don't know the people, and I wouldn't want someone I haven't gotten comfortable with watch my baby even for an hour. 

Meg; Where in Michigan are you from?

I'm right by Oxford.There is literally nothing for kids around here. I found out about a place in lake orion called Giggle beans. Once Justin gets over his cold I plan on taking him. I don't like taking him to the mall to play on the center in there too many ids running around acting crazy he could get seriously hurt. And from working in the mall for 4 years I know they don't clean any of that stuff. I mean Ever. Yuck.

I talked to the guy that gets stuck sanitizing the play are at Great Lakes. (I used to work there part time) I live in Lake Orion and we take my daughter to the mall to play on like a Tuesday/Wednesday morning not many kids and the ones there are mostly little ones. We have a great park Downtown when the weather gets better we go to the storytime at the library every Tuesday for babies it's at 11 am for toddlers it's at 10 am. I belong to a local meetup and La Leche League they do a lot of stuff together with the kids and are all very cool people. During the summer Friendship park has events and so does Canterbury and Rochester and all the Festivals are fun to walk around in. I have never been to giggle beans though.

Sorry for the topic I would take a maid over a nanny any day!!! Just to hang up my clothes and mop my floors other than that I am lucky to have a hubby that works from home and my mom just moved here so I get to go to the gym!!! YAY!

My mom grew up with a nanny my grandma was a socialite so the nanny taught her how to cook and do laundry and helped her with homework. She would have rather had her mom but that is how it was for her. I never had one my grandma watched me so maybe she was making up for the time she never spent with her kids.

I have 3 older kids (12,13,14) and a 17 month old so it's fun with them since they are older and can help me with the little one.

I might have to try the mornings at the mall play area. Justin isn't old enough to really do a lot with yet. I just wish there was a site that offered activites around the area. Hmm Idea brewing. lol.

I started a playgroup on meetup.com 4 months ago & we have 115 members.  We get together almost daily & have several members w/ infants (they get to socialize) & as their children grow - they get to do it together...  I highly recommend checking out meetup

Meg Lake Orion has tons of things for babies I started my daughter in storytime at the library at 7 months and there are lots of babies there. you pretty much just sit and sing and read to them then after they get to play with toys and you can talk to the moms.

I also did a diaper dancing class with her at a year and we are about to do swimming with baby classes this summer.  A lot of people from Oxford come to the stuff here I have met a few moms from there. If I hear of anything cool that is for about your son's age I will let you know. I think you should check out the library story time. It goes  5-6 weeks then 2 off then starts again.

I would totally hire a nanny if we could afford one. I could live with a 20hr a week nanny.

WOW, 115 members!  That's amazing.  When my oldest was a baby I had a fabulous playgroup, we all had our 2nd kids around the same time, and they all adored each other.  Sadlly the group broke up as we all kind of moved away (lots of military families in my group) but we have kept in touch and I miss knowing the kids almost as much as I miss my moms.  Enjoy your group, and way to go on making such a fabulous support system for so many people!